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Commander Fluff
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Old 06 Jan 2008, 14:36   #1 (permalink)
Kroot Warrior
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 20
Default Commander Fluff

I am making my army list and choosing a sept and i choose to create one of my own, and i have some Commander Fluff i want to check:
U are a wealthy young shas'o and u are in control of a sept barring the name of
Be'son, from one of the wettest planets in the eastren fring, taken over in a battle against the Orks in the third spare expansion, U hate Ethearals and most
of there stupid rules but u want a strong and suitable army against all Enemy's
of the empire and know the power of friendship so u have lot's of Kroot,vespids
and other merchandisers to help u protecting the planet.

Anybody like it?
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Old 06 Jan 2008, 15:07   #2 (permalink)
Shas'O
 
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Default Re: Commander Fluff

It's very cliché, lots of people have anti-Ethereal Shas'Os, and I think if you were caught openly decrying the rules as "stupid" there'd be a mass rupture of the Greater Good. I'm pretty sure no one other than Farsight has ever broken away anyway =P

It's also better to make a planet within a sept (septs aren't just one planet) rather than to create your own sept - seeing as there's only three septs we don't know about. I still haven't decided which sept my planet is in yet, but when I produced my "own sept" I got the same thing about how it's easier to just put the society into an existing sept.

I like the idea of a very rainy planet, and the Orks are a good enemy for Tau. You could have even used a counts-as Farsight to represent the experience against Orks, but if you do that you can't have the Kroot and Vespid.

And again, please try and clean up your spelling - we do have a spell checker on this forum. This isn't a chatroom and while I've looked at your ideas on their own merit rather than your methods of putting them across if you do it lots you will attract lots of negative attention and a bad reputation that will be hard to shake. I'm also not entirely sure why you wrote it in the second person when the third or even first would have made more sense...
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Old 06 Jan 2008, 15:19   #3 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
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Default Re: Commander Fluff

I`m with Circus on this one, although "cliche" should never ever be a reason not to give a certain fluff... ;D

And I really don`t understand what most people have with our most beloved Ethereal Leaders! They are our guiding light; surely it would be unthinkable to dislike them?!?!

Apart from the stuff Circus said, Shas`Os don`t control planets. They control the military, parts of it. Planets are controlled by councils consisting of the highest-ranking caste-members of each planet, with an Ethereal to guide them.
Part of the Greater Good actually is a "checks and balance" system, which makes sure no caste can get too powerful (apart from the ethereals, of course), so Shas can only control Shas, and so on. It is unthinkable that a Shas`O orders members of other castes around (barring a military emergency).

Cheers,
-Bone
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Old 06 Jan 2008, 16:05   #4 (permalink)
Kroot Warrior
 
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Default Re: Commander Fluff

Ty and By the Way i am dutch so spell check won't be everything
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Old 06 Jan 2008, 16:52   #5 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
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Default Re: Commander Fluff

I`m from Austria, so English isn`t my first language, either

The odd grammar mistake won`t bother anyone, as long as it is obvious that you try to get it right. All we want you is to be thorough and read through your posts again after writing them; no one expects first-class english

Happy posting,
-Bone
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Old 06 Jan 2008, 17:01   #6 (permalink)
Kroot Shaper
 
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Default Re: Commander Fluff

Not bad fluff...
My sept is a seperate sept, but it isn't only Shas, there's lots of Fio on Check'Sa too.

Thanks,
Shas'O Bar'Naby
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Old 06 Jan 2008, 17:50   #7 (permalink)
Shas'Ui
 
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Default Re: Commander Fluff

Hmm. It's not all that bad. It needs lots of work, but you're definitely getting somewhere. However, I think you should have a reason for your Shas'o to hate the Ethereals.

For example, my cadre was abandoned on their home planet after an Imperial invasion. The Ethereals decided it was a lost battle, and didn't send any reinforcements. Part of the army fighing there escaped, and after realizing they were abandoned, they decided they did not want to return to the Empire.

You should elaborate on the background. Apart from that, it's nice.
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Old 06 Jan 2008, 21:21   #8 (permalink)
Shas'Ui
 
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Default Re: Commander Fluff

A good way to rapidly hate the Ethereals (If not the entire Empire)? Read Xisor's post about Freedoms in the Greater Good.
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Old 07 Jan 2008, 01:24   #9 (permalink)
Shas'Ui
 
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Default Re: Commander Fluff

Well, I play a renegade faction too, here's my fluff if you cared at all, maybe it will give you ideas.

Shas'O Vior'la D'Suam (also known as Commander Twin-Flame) was a Shas'vre when Farsight broke from the Empire. In fact, D'Suam was the leader of one of Farsight's Crisis Teams when the renegade commander broke away. As Farsight's forces drew further and further from the central Empire, Twin-Flame could feel the presence of the Ethereals leaving his mind. Free of the influence of the Ethereals, Twin-Flame could think clearly and for himself. The other Shas that were aboard the Manta he was being transported on felt the same presence leave them, and before long Twin-Flame had made his decision - it was time for a change in power.

Twin-Flame was a natural leader. While he was not a pupil of any famous Shas'O, he felt he was more capable than Farsight to lead the forces of the Fire Caste in their campaign against the Ork horde. Farsight, of course, had his own plans. After only minutes of negotiations, Farsight felt the hostility of the Vior'la well up inside him, and ordered a direct attack on the Manta carrying Twin-Flame. Almost at gunpoint, Twin-Flame took control of the Manta and ordered the Pilots to evade as much of Farsight's fleet as possible, and to land on the nearest planet, regardless of any possible hostilities once they were planetside. The Manta was entirely beyond repair when landfall was made, and the occupants scattered and fled for their lives.

The pilots, of course, can't survive planetside, and soon Twin-Flame's forces were down only to Shas. Twin-Flame rallied his soldiers to his cause, and declared himself Shas'O, as he was the most senior member of all the Shas occupying the planet and nobody dared challenge his combat skill. Farsight's forces had long since given up the ghost and moved on, and Twin-Flame made his best attempts to recon the world he'd crashed onto.

Made up of mostly Imperials on the outskirts of the Imperium, Twin-Flame was able to convince a good portion of the planetary defence force to join his newly-formed Cadre, and with increased numbers, conquered the rest of the planet almost without resistance. However, Twin-Flame would not stay on this planet for long. Recruiting Imperial Pilots who made their way to the remote planet, Twin-Flame secured safe and rapid transport off the planet, and has begun a crusade, as it were, against the Ethereals who for so long had exercised complete control of his mind and will. Several small raids later and D'Suam is currently leading an army strong in vehicles to make up for small numbers, and with a solid Gue'Vesa force to bolster his numbers.

Ok, probably hard to follow. I just now typed it up, it should be accurate. I need to make a master copy of my fluff, but whatever.
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Old 07 Jan 2008, 04:16   #10 (permalink)
Shas'Ui
 
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Default Re: Commander Fluff

I like it, but I think the part where Farsight orders to attack the Manta carrying Twin-Flame is not very... tauish.

If I recall correctly, Tau don't kill themselves. They have their enemies for that job.

Cheers, Alexanders.
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