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Entry F - Untitled
Old 15 Aug 2007, 09:36   #1 (permalink)
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Default Entry F - Untitled

Chapter I

As the 5th captain walked along the corridors of The Leviathan, he remembered the day when he lost everything he knew, his story started a decade ago in the halls he walked among now…

Ten Years Ago

The Astartes lay in his quarters, in a sleep-like state resting for what might lay ahead. His rest was interrupted by his leading tactical sergeant, Rostel Vambos.

“Sir, your presence is requested in the great hall.”

“Thank you, Rostel, I’ll see you down there,” replied Daven Nekol.

“Aye, aye, sir.”

As he walked along the halls he pondered the reasons he had been summoned to the great hall. Unnervingly, Nekol could come up with none. He knew someone important was on the ship due to the heightened security He sped up with anticipation, eager- yet somehow reluctant- to get to the great hall. As he neared his destination he expected to hear voices, yet surprisingly it was somewhat quiet though he did hear a few murmurs.

He pushed the double doors open to the large assembly of Space Marines amassed. There were a large number of them there the Astartes guesses that every Marine on the ship was there.

“Daven!” shouted a voice. Nekol turned and saw Saviel Lamen, captain of the 8th walking slowly toward him.

“Brother!” Daven Nekol called back. As the battle-brothers neared they shared a quick embrace and struck up a conversation. “It’s been a long time old friend,” said Daven “do you remember what I said to you last?” He looked inquisitive. “You bet I do!” Lamen guffawed “It’s been a decade but I don’t forget that easily!”

“Oh really?” asked Daven “Then what was it?" Saviel was quiet for a moment the burst into laughter. “Don’t die!” he managed to quote through his laughter. Daven cracked a smile and started laughing also.

Suddenly the whole room fell quiet. Both Astartes heard quiet footsteps echoing through the halls. Four Honor Guards stepped through the door and a large figure in terminator armor stepped followed the guards into the hall and the Astartes couldn’t believe what they saw.

“Emperors Tears” whispered Saviel under his breath, “is it really him?” Nekol stood in shock for a moment. “I believe so, friend.”

The terminator turned to abolish any doubts the Marines might have. In front of the whole XIII Legion stood Chapter Master of the Ultramarines, Marneus Calgar.

Chapter II
The Defenses

The hulking giant known as Marneus Calgar stood in front of the assembled inspiring an odd mix of awe and fear. This was quite a feat considering they were Astartes, un-quaking weapons of the Immortal Emperor. He stood there a few moments to let the effect seep in.

Eventually he spoke, “Marines, stand fast! I have called you here today to present a challenge… a conquest.” He paused to see the look they were displaying. He quickly realized they were all wearing the armor and therefore helmets and could not see face, save a few sergeants who had no helms but they were cool and collected. He continued, “We will be headed toward the planet Egan VIII. Once there we will be defending the planet, we have received word that a Dark Eldar armada is approaching the planet. The fleet will arrive in four days. We will be there in two days and that gives us only two days to prepare.”

“Damn,” muttered Saviel, “Not even the Imperial fists could build up fortifications in two days.” Daven replied, “Let alone build planetary anti-ship weaponry.”

“We have already set course Egan VIII and once we get there we will start immediately,” said Marneus.

Two days later they arrived at Egan VIII. They landed twenty-four miles south of the city of Shattar, the city in the most direct path of the armada. The large embodiment of Astartes trudged toward the city where they would make an encampment and start setting up the defenses.

“I’ve never bashed a Dark Eldar head,” pondered Saviel, “I wonder what color blood they’ll have.”

“I just want this to be over with and get of this crude planet,” quipped Rostel, sergeant of Nekol’s assault squad. “Easy, Rostel” warned Daven, “we all want this to be over with.”

“And, it’s an honor just to be in the Chapter Master’s presence,” added Lamen.

Calgar had three companies there, the 2nd, 5th, and 8th. It was a rather large group of Astartes, three companies were plenty thought Daven, he wondered what the Chapter Master was expecting.

They arrived at the city to see it was apparently disserted. “The civilians must be in the buildings. They set up camp immediately starting with lodges for the warriors and then military structures. Firstly, they needed a fortress.

The servitors set off to it immediately. They buzzed and whirred about screwing and bolting quickly constructing the fortress.

It took several hours but with the help of 300 servitors it was finally finished. It was placed a fair amount of yards in front of the residences. Three stories tall and fitted with many turret emplacements ranging for lascannons to multi-meltas.

With one day till the attack they started building turrets outside of the fortress. Between the turrets and the fortress they started the construction of a wall. Two miles long and four feet long it was fitted with lascannons and heavy bolters it was a sight you would be pleased to see when readying for battle.

When all was completed and the ETA until attack was only four hours, weapons were given to the battle-brothers. Daven dawning a power fist and plasma pistol while Saviel took lightning claws and a combi-bolter.

Then the oaths of moment were sworn in, Marneus himself gave it to Nekol.

“Do you accept this duty?” asked Calgar.

“I accept it,” responded Nekol.

“Will you dedicate yourself to the protection of Egan VIII?”

“I dedicate myself.”

“Do you pledge to do the will of the XIII Legion and the Emperor?”

“I pledge it.”

Marneus gave the same oath of moment to Saviel also. The Master then armed himself with the Gauntlets of Ultramar. With the civilians in the fortress the Astartes took their positions and then readied themselves for battle.

Chapter III

The planetary sensors were blaring. “Chapter Master, I think so should see this,” called the scout monitoring the sensors. Marneus came over and inspected the console.

“Dammit!” cursed Calgar, “There are more than I expected.”

He stood in front of the Companies and addressed them all, he boomed, “There are twice as many Dark Eldar as I feared, there are over 500 of the bastards.”

Daven looked to the sky and saw a mass of ships through the thin atmosphere. “Lord, the forces are gathering,” he reported. There were approximately 20 ships orbiting the planet ready to strike.

“Sir, the warp!” screamed a scout when a gaping whole ripped open exposing the writhing warp itself and dragging the screaming scout into it.

“Damn it!” swore Calgar, “Those bastards have unleashed the warp!” Terrible warp spawned creatures crawled out of the warp. Their barbed tails and tusks flailing in the air. They attacked with great ferocity, lunging at the necks of the marines. Bolters flared tearing into the squirming flesh of the horrid beasts. The beasts let out a deathly wail. Even through the Mk VII armor the Astartes clasped their hands against there ears.

Finally the last warp spawn fell and the warp closed.

“The Emperor protects,” proclaimed Daven and Saviel in unison.

“Yes he does men; yes he does” replied Marneus, “Burn that.” He pointed to the corpses of the warp spawns. Scouts moved over with flamers and torched the dead beastly body.

“Done sir,” one of the scouts reported. He saluted and ran off to then rejoin the ranks.

“Death to the xenos!” Marneus bellowed the warcry.

“Death to the xenos!” the Companies bellowed back.

“This is our finest hour brethren, and as long as one Astartes remains we cannot fail!” Calgar rallied to the troops, “You will stand and fight until the last breath leaves your body, you will not fall, we will purge the xenos from this world. Break their back and kill their lord and they will be left helpless!”

“Ready, old friend?” mused Nekol.

“Aye, brother,” replied Saviel.

They two battle-brothers took their respective places in front of their company, readying themselves for the coming invasion. Flares burst out of the orbiting ships… the speartip had been launched. Void Dragons rippling through space nearing the seemingly doomed planet. Lascannons started firing whizzing past the xeno ships leaving them unscathed. The ships impacted with the ground sending a minor tremor to ripple toward the marines, nothing they can’t handle nor were surprised to feel. The same could not be said about the civilians inside. They were racked with stress already and the quake didn’t help their nerves.

Chapter IV
The Battle Commences

“Ready yourselves!” Marneus bellowed.

The Dark Eldar rained down on the planet only a few miles away from the Marines. The lascannons and rocket launchers blasted many of the Eldar apart causing panic and disorder among the xenos, yet they were still advancing quickly.

More of the terrible warp spawns were summoned.

“Kill the wretched beasts!” Calgar commanded. Weapons went off tearing the beasts apart. The wail went out again striking terror into the civilians who heard it. The beasts wail subsided and corpses were burnt once more.

The Dark Eldar were nearing and the marines were leveling there bolters, taking aim. The Astartes blasted away tearing the xenos into pieces. Blood blasting out of the xeno bodies.

“Damn I can’t see the color!” The words buzzed in his helmet. “That must be from Lamen,” Nekol thought. A burst of light erupted for the barrel of his plasma pistol, burning the face off a xeno.

The Eldar neared with only four- fifths of the xenos remained. The xeno’s shuriken weapon fired boring into a few of the Astartes’s armor. The hit marines fell, blood pouring out of their wounds. Rostel was one of the few who suffered the wrath of the shuriken.

Daven had grown close to the lad, and the only thought that went through his mind. He charged forward swinging and blasting his pistol beheading and burning the xenos.

Dave had cut a swath through the Eldar making his way toward the lord in the rear. He looked back and saw tactical squad Viro trailing him and to his right was the Chapter Master himself, and to his left was Saviel Lamen. But as they neared the lord they recognized approximately 20 shrouded figures. As they got closer they realized the figures were Incubi, the lord’s personal Retinue.

“Ready brothers?” Marneus addresses Saviel and Daven.

“Aye, sir,” the answered in unison. Hand-to-hand combat broke out immediately between the two groups. The Incubi’s halberds carved towards them, Daven deflected the blow and delivered a punch to the xeno’s stomach shattering its rib cage and rupturing its heart, the xeno fell to the floor and writhed in pain until it died. The tactical squad Viro caught up and joined the fray.

The Astartes broke a few of the Incubi’s weapons and delivered powerful kicks and blows, killing the now helpless xenos. Three of the members of squad Viro fell to the halberds and assault weapons. Yet the Incubi finally fell, leaving the xeno lord unprotected, or so the Astartes thought. Two Talos torture machines appeared snapping their claws at the Astartes, its bladed arms cutting through the battle-brothers.

“Fire!” Calgar ordered, a rocket streamed toward the Talos detonating on impact. The Talos exploded sending shrapnel in al directions killing off the remaining squad Viro. Daven quickly mourned his loss and charged at the remaining Talos. His punch impacted on the armor denting it. Marneus dealt two blows ripping open the armor. Saviel reached in and ripped the cords with his claws.

The Talos fell and the three Astartes moved toward the lord. They engaged in combat both lord and marines parrying blows and striking back. The xeno lord was a trained combatant and would not give in to the might of the three Astartes. Finally four Incubi arrived to aide their master. Blow after blow struck out but none land and Daven couldn’t help notice these Incubi were more combat ready than the others. Perhaps the others were impostors? Or maybe these were just veterans with more experience.

Yet the Incubi fell leaving their master unprotected. And the lord fell also but before he did he opened the warp and right before his eyes Daven’s master was sucked into the writhing mass.

“NO!” bellowed Nekol falling to his knees.

In their mourning Nekol and Lamen did not notice the one remaining Incubus creeping up on them. The Incubus lunged at Saviel the halberd ripped through him rupturing Saviel main heart. The 8th captain fell to the ground… dead.

Daven leaped with great ferocity know the xeno head clean off of its shoulders. Daven howled in rage knocking every xeno he saw killing everything in his rage.

Chapter V

When the smoke cleared the Astartes had won. And had suffered minor casualties. But none as depressing as the loss of Daven’s friend and his master lost somewhere in the warp, whether even an Astartes such as Calgar could survive in the warp or not no one knew.

But as Nekol rose back to The Leviathan he decided he would go to the ends of the universe looking for the Chapter Master. So Daven searched the cosmos looking for the proclaimed Marneus Calgar, quickly hurrying toward any break in the warp; hoping his master would emerge.

Ten Years Later

Daven Nekol had been searching for years and had still not found his master. He was on the control deck when a deck hand had called, “Captain you better see this.” Daven rushed over to the console and saw a flare on the screen. “A warp break!” he exclaimed, “head to it immediately!”

They sped off toward the break. As they neared the break several Imperial ships were spotted.

“Get a vox-signal up between us,” commanded Daven.

“Aye, aye, sir,” answered the deck hand, “Sir! They just fired at us!” The ship rocked violently from the impact.

“What the hell?” cursed Nekol, “Damned traitor guard!” Daven stomped off.

“Sir?” asked a scout.

“I’m getting a boarding crew together.” Daven got to the marines quarters. He sounded the alarm and the Astartes came out.

“What was that sir?” one asked.

“Traitor guard have been spotted and I’m organizing a boarding party” Nekol answered.

Daven took his best marines to the docking bay and had a Thunderhawk readied. They crowded into the ship and set of for the guard vessels. They clamped on the ship and attached melta-bombs to hull. The bombs exploded opening a hole into the guard vessel.

The group boarded the ship and fired away, tearing through the guardsmen’s armor. It was a massacre, the guard put up no fight. But, using an auspex Nekol knew there were heavily armed guard in there. Daven opened the door and threw a frag grenade in with a three second delay the door closed and the Astartes heard the grenade detonate. The door slid open to a mess of blood and gore.

“Let’s make our way to the control deck there we might find there leader.”

Then ran down the corridor only to be fired at by a heavy bolter emplacement. Nekol simply pointed and a lascannon beam erupted, obliterating the emplacement. They surged forward cutting down any guard in their path. As they neared the control deck they spotted a new enemy, tall bulky figures stood guard over the double doors.

“Chaos,” Daven muttered under his breath, “Fire!” The Chaos marines ran forward, armor denting under the power of bolter shells and the occasional plasma blast from Nekol. The traitor marines finally fell, armor buckled under the continuous bullets. The door slid open to an Imperial Guard Officer and a Chaos Lord and his retinue; there was something familiar about the lord but Nekol didn’t know what.

“Why are you here?” grunted Nekol seething with rage.

“Let’s just say I’m recruiting” the corrupt lord said maliciously.

“You have turned these once faithful guard to chaos you fiend and I will surly make you pay for your evil deed.”

“Come and fight, Captain.”

“Charge!” commanded Daven, his men fired, aiming at the lord. The lord’s retinue stepped forward intercepting the bullets then charging at the Astartes. Daven sideswiped crushing the traitorous officer’s head. Plasma erupting at the retinue as he surged into the fray swinging left and right at the chaos bodyguards trying to get to the lord who was laughing manically.

Daven broke through the retinue who was currently occupied with his own marines.

“Ah, Daven,” the Chaos Lord mused, “We meet once more, though I fear it will be the last time.”

“Who are you?” Daven roared.
“Oh, you don’t remember me?” the lord feinted sadness, “It’s me, your old friend, Saviel!”

Chapter VI
Old Friends

“NO!” proclaimed Daven, “I saw you die!”

“No, you saw me mortally wounded, but the gods gave me new life, new powers!”

With a grunt Saviel lashed out with his sword grazing Nekol’s armor. Daven and the traitorous Lamen were locked in combat while Daven’s marines killed the retinue and helped Daven kill the traitor. But with a powerful chaotic force, Lamen flung through a wall, where they encountered more Chaos Marines.

While Daven was distracted Saviel struck with his sword cutting Daven’s leg off. Nekol fell to the ground.

Saviel walked off while commanding to a surviving Chaos marine, “You there, finish my… friend.” Daven swiped with his power fist crushing Saviel’s leg, he fired his pistol the blast punched a hole in the marines face. The marine crumpled falling to the ground. With the help of the wall Nekol erected himself. Daven brought his power fist down on Saviel’s face, utterly crushing it.

The chaos traitor had died and the ship purged of all traitorous nature. They took a transport out of the docking bay and returned to the ship.

When he arrived Nekol commanded, “Into the warp.”

“But sir, you leg,” an Astartes pleaded.

“I’ll be fine for now I’ll see to it later,” Nekol said aggravated, “Now, into the warp.”

“Aye, aye, sir” responded the deck hand. They zoomed through the break into the warp. Nekol looked around examining the warp. It was writhing and turning, Daven noticed a black figure floating in the warp Nekol ordered to move toward the figure but it got away.

The Leviathan dropped out of the warp to search another day. And while Daven never did find Marneus Calgar, there had been rumors that he was aiding ultramarines elsewhere on the planet Ichar IV.
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Old 20 Aug 2007, 17:29   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Entry F - Untitled

I liked the premise of the story (which I wish included the title), and the pitting of Ultramarines against Dark Eldar, and my favourite moment was when Calgar appeared; I was like "zomg it's calgar", but probably because his was the first special character model I owned :P

That said, I think the story needed a bit more fleshing out. The dialogue between marines was almost too casual, sounding more like guardsmen. I could possibly see Space Wolves speaking like that, but these are Ultras, the poster boys of the Astartes. That Calgar is "killed" treads a bit too much on the fluff, and even this major event is undercut by the protagonist's final battle against the corrupt lord, in essence creating a second climax for the story.

The Dark Eldar were a bit faceless and under-characterized, IMO. Incubi should at least be on par with marines in combat, if not better. Dark Eldar also use splinter weapons, not shuriken - a very small inconsistency, but kind of important at the same time.

Overall, this story is a bit of a mixed bag: it definitely has potential, but it also needs some more refining and polishing.
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