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Entry E - Untitled
Old 15 Aug 2007, 10:35   #1 (permalink)
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Default Entry E - Untitled

Kabal master Falgor looked down from his throne at Dracon Kole. “do you understand why I called you here to my throne?” said the Kabal Master in his deep and mysterious voice. “No master, I know not why you called me here.” Said Kole quietly but firmly. “I called you here to tell you that I’m sending you on a “special” slave raid”. “ What is so “special” about this one master?” Asked Kole. “We have found some Eldar that are positioned there, I want you to get us some more Eldar slaves, we seem to be running low on them”. He said as though there was another motive behind it. “And is there a special amount of slaves that would be minimal for our slave trading business?” asked Kole. “I just want to get as many slaves as you can get for us”. Replied Falgor. “Take your soldiers and go to the world of Mospid 3, there are plenty of Eldar there so you should be able to get many slaves”. “Thank you for this opportunity lord, I will not fail” and with that Kole set off.

As he looked around at his soldiers, he saw jet bikers, combat “wyches” who were like gladiators in their society. He saw about 50 warriors all on raiders and then next to him he saw his Haemonculi council three people, all of them had bad wrinkles and very pale skin. One of them had a flamethrower like weapon called a destructor. Designed to spit out acidic chemicals and ignite them, burning everything in sight.

As they started moving they found the Eldar base. They saw them, establishing a perimeter and sending patrols out. To scan the area, the Farseer accompanied them with a small contingent of warlocks. As fast as lightning the Dark Eldar struck.

Before the Farseer knew it she had lost one squad of guardians, screaming in pain as they were blacking out and falling limp. Some other random guardians falling all around her, she ordered them to fire at anything they saw. Instantly 30 Guardians fired out with their shuriken guns and killed nothing. Then out of nowhere a squad of warriors charged out of the trees and splattered a bunch of guardians with knock out darts. Easily penetrating their thin mesh and wraith bone armor.

The Farseer turned around just in time to see a Dark Eldar of some importance flying at her and striking. She blocked easily but her Warlocks were not so lucky and got sliced and fell down. As the Dark one started to move toward her the Farseer looked around at her troops. She saw only bodies and the Dark Eldar were picking those up as if some sick attack was made. She turned around just in time to feel a sharp object slice upon her midriff and thought about what would happen to them all, as she relinquished consciousness and everything went black.

As the Dracon watched his troops move forward, led by a Haemonculus, over take the Eldar base he sat there and grabbed some slaves to take back to the Kabal Master, glad to be able to raise in his masters eyes and maybe be granted the power of an Archon.

As they gathered the rest of the slaves and all of the structures had been destroyed they were ready to go through the web way portal and back to the Commoragh. As they did the traditionally, slaves went through first. However something went wrong and the slaves were all burnt with intense psychic energy. “A form of torture?” Asked the Farseer, who was currently on her knees and laughing at him. “ Shut up, Farseer” he snarled at her viciously. “unless you wish to go next”. He said in a particularly venomous voice. “Um, Dracon?” inquired a particularly nervous voice. “What is it?” Kole asked harshly. “What are we going to do now, Sir?” asked the feeble voice again.

Dracon Kole looked around the remains of his weary soldiers and thought to himself. His first thoughts were of greed and happiness because he realized that he was now a Kabal master and owned a force. But the harsh realization set in that his force had depleted quite a bit and he was down to about 20 warriors 4 jet bikes and a haemonculus. He set off in his light carrier in search of slaves and warriors who wished to join him.

On his way across the universe very early in his journey he spotted another Dark Eldar raiding party that was retreating with an Imperial heavy cruiser on its tail. seeing a potential for more troops to add to his army and maybe a few more slaves he attempted to contact the bridge. a few moments later a nearly white face appeared across a ruined bridge, bodies and blood soaking the control panels and gore splattered on the floor.

”Yes ?” Came a shrill but firm voice. “What do you need.”
"Do you require any assistance?" said Kole the newly appointed Kabal master.
"No no no" we are doing quite well thank you said the shrill voice.
"You look pretty outgunned and out armored here". insisted Kole.
"No no no we need no assistance" said the shrill voice once again.
"It is of no trouble to us to help, you see we need some soldiers to help us wi-." "NO NO NO LEAVE NOW", the shrill voice suddenly became quite commanding and as the imperial ship came into range the view screen suddenly shut off.

”Naesh?” He called to the incubi master who had control of the ship from the former owner. "What do you require of me Archon"? he said, recognizing his new authority. "Prepare for a space battle then we will raid our brethren". Said Kole. We will make them accept our help even if it kills them.

Kole had his ship fire on the imperial battleship with the main lances. A direct hit on starboard crippling movement. As he ordered the smaller weapons to be fired he saw that the imperials were launching some sort of smaller ships, fighters. He redirected the small arms fire on the incoming fighters while still focusing the big stuff on the crippled battleship. a few of the small fighters made it close enough to fire on his ship but skillfully he had his ship move out of range again.

The lances fired again at the slowly turning human ship, the shot pierced the plasma reactors and in a giant explosion, covered the side of the ship with blue chemicals. Baking all of the occupants of that side alive, while the plasma still burnt through the ship. Kole could see the pathetic creatures trying to make it to the escape pods or fighters to try and stop him from completely destroying all of them. Out of nowhere an explosion rocked through the ship, they had been breached.

Kole gathered all of his warriors and gave them specific orders to hide in wait and slaughter them in a surprise attack. he could see the fighters getting picked off one by one, until none were left. Then boarding craft were spotted cruising along trying to dock in the holes that the imperials were securing. in one swift movement the Imperials had secured there little "safe zone" and were sending in a probing party to see how devious they really were, they would show them carnage and terror on an unspeakable level.

As the ship commander Nash moved around silently in his heavy amour hefting his punisher with one hand and his ship Data-key he could see all of the vitals of his ship through his helmet. No serious damage except for the breaches in the hull, which he would fix quite quickly. He saw the advanced scouts and headed towards them.

There were about 4 or 5 of them observed sergeant Malkien. He gave the impressed workers some weapons and a vox and sent them on their way. He was wondering how far they had gotten from the base camp when over the vox he heard "aaahhhhh" and other screams. He heard fast erratic footsteps and all of the available guardsmen turned to the door and took positions behind cover. ...Seconds ticked by and over the vox they heard panting and then finally though the door came a shadow and everyone opened fire, as they looked they realized that they had shot up one of the scouts. Send another party of slaves in with that vox, and remember not to kill this one damn it, the volunteers had to be thrown in after what they had seen of the last volunteers.

Naesh was feeling good, leading the slave to the torture chamber while telling him of the tales of things that they had done to prisoners before. He was already shivering with fear when he finally came to the door of the room, it was outlined with bones and skin from the other tortured slaves.

The Dark Eldar Warriors were unable to hold in their glee as they stalked silently through the corridors of their ship. Who would have thought that the slaves would come to them? Such joy in the destruction they would soon cause having their prey run from the explosives that were already planted and straight into shredders and other various traps to ensnare them until they decided to take them out and throw them in cages like the animals they were. As one of the warriors had silently finished his trap and got into position they hit the switch and watched as the myriad troops started to run into the traps and scream in agony and pain as they got cut into by the threads of the traps and how the blood ran ooohh the blood.

As the explosion shook the ship and blew open the airlock Sergeant Malkien told his troops to run into the next room with all of the equipment and while they where getting situated the things started rising from the floor, like little ropes. Then his world started to go red and he died in pieces.

As the warriors were gathering the now cut up slaves to take them off to their section of the ship or the slave master as some debt, Kole found a couple of dead bodies and survivors hiding in the shadows. In a lulling feminine voice he led them out and then crippled all so they couldn’t run away. Slowly gathering them in his sharp claws to take to his slave hooks in his private chambers. His knives would dance tonight.

As Kole got through putting all of the slaves on his hooks he went back to the bridge and found Naesh waiting in his chair. “Ah incubi, I do believe that you have some news for me?” He said in a calming but dangerous voice. "Yes" said Naesh “I do” He spoke in his quiet voice yet again. Sometime during our attack the other Eldar wished an Audience with you and so I told them I’d get you as soon as I could. “Good, good, open a link with them” A slender, pale and alluring female Archite, wearing a small plate of armor around her chest and along her thigh, was in place of the small Haemonculus.

My name is Archon Lomiegh, of the Cult of the Tortured Rose I wish to speak to you... she got cut off abruptly
"Did you come from the world that the humans call mospid 3"? He asked very quickly.
”Yes we got cut off from the rest of our allies during a freak warp storm that resulted in the Tyranids showing up, why are you so interested?”
Kole just opened up his pocket and pulled out a ceremonial knife in the shape of a wilting rose of flesh. “I wish to see you in person now, Archite”.

On the Archite’s ship, he saw the Haemonculus that had answered his earlier suggestion for assistance in the torture chambers and being put under great stress and pain from the master Haemonculus. As they toured the Haemonculus in the inside of the Archite’s ship, he had finally convinced Lomeigh that she should join the Kabal of the Silent Shadow. “I will join you in this newly formed Kabal" She said in her alluring and quiet voice. “It seems as though you have great things cut out for you and by joining you I may have a nice share of it.”

Ah thank you Lomeigh I believe that you will like working with me and my warriors they have a certain...feeling to them that I believe you will like. As they prepared to tour the Kabal masters ship Lomeigh had an odd feeling about Kole, in someway an attachment to the poor creature that called himself Kole Kabal master of the Silent Shadow.

When the pair arrived at his ship Lomeigh saw the deep gouges in the side from the boarding parties and she could see a few Eldar outside the ship, fixing the outside of the ship and to make it more space worthy than it was and to possibly make a small warp jump. As she got inside Lomeigh could see that it was an especially magnificent ship, and that an Incubi Master piloted it. And for the class, it was supposed to be able to knock out a heavy class imperial cruiser like the one it did. Upon further investigation she saw that the Incubi Master, Naesh had customized the Dark Lances and gave them a higher energy tolerance level than most ships. Then they walked onto the bridge and she saw the stunning interior of it.

Upon entering the bridge she could see that all of the seats and furnishings on the bridge were lined with bones of long slain opponents that the crew had killed over the centuries of the battle-cruisers existence. She thought that the overly ornate throne in the middle of the bridge might have been Kole’s. She was surprised when the chair turned around and sitting in front of her was an armored Incubi observing the damages to the ship on a small screen being projected off of a screen built in the arm of the throne.

“Naesh, how nice it is to see you right now” said Kole in his normal soothing voice. How are the ship repairs going? “Well” he said in his whispering voice. “We have gotten almost all of the primary holes sealed and are now working on the airlocks so we can repair he damage to the deck”. Finished Naesh. “Good, good” replied Kole. “When can we make a safe jump into the warp?” he asked curiously. “Assuming Lomeigh’s ship is good enough to travel in a day then we will be able to get out of this system in…two days.” Naesh replied softly being in his normal manners of silent and quick even with his heavy armor. He then turned his attention back to the ship and to the giant gouges that the imperials left.

Four hours after the small chat with Naesh, Lomeigh and Kole saw a small planet that had recently been attacked by the Imperials. They saw a ship that belonged to the Dark Angels space marines, complete with the markings and everything. Upon seeing the planet Kole saw great opportunity for a slave raid and he decided to take a small force, led by him, down to the surface of the planet and capture some of the Imperium’s “super soldiers” For his own benefit. Upon some observation Kole decided to take a small variety of units including some Wyches that Lomeigh had provided from her Dark Eldar forces and 26 warriors with a couple of special weapons. They left very quickly and silently infiltrated the planet where just a while ago the Imperials had been fighting a very desperate but statistically simple battle against the Tyranids beginning phases.

As Kole ordered his units to move out into the special positions that he set for a trap to kill the Dark Angels and to capture some slaves, he saw them come. Definitely a special patrol or something of the like he noticed that they wore a Darker green than ship they saw in orbit, and on the rims of their shoulder pads and on their robes in general was a dried blood color. Defining that they wore helmets that had very dark red lenses in them. The massive behemoths also carried battered metal weapons called bolters and they launched a mini rocket that could pierce light armor and destroy small vehicles.

All as one the army ran into cover on the off chance that the super senses of the marines would not detect them. The marines watched as the Eldar jumped into cover and behind some hills. The librarian seemed quite amused by it and instructed his squads to move into the wall of small boulders right in front of them. Pulling recon duty was more fun than librarian Makios thought. As they all took aim at the forests and got ready to fire he noticed that the other squad was already in assault with the aliens.

The Wyches started off at a slight run into the forest and suddenly just sprinted off towards the first squad of marines. As they hopped lightly over the boulders the marines just started to turn around and get ready for the close combat that was about to ensue.

Kole watched as the Wyches beat the marines down, cracking their armor open and revealing the flesh beneath. Then the Wyches started on cutting open the marines slowly and painfully, making their blades dance across the surface of their pale, but tough, skin and causing vast amounts of blood to be spilt. When the Wyches finally ended their deadly dance the once proud marines of the Dark Angels chapter were now drying, bloody husks of their former selves, giving up and allowing themselves to be captured.

Then he saw the warriors on top of the hill sending a salvo of splinters at the remaining squad and downing two of them. Then as they fell Kole started to sprint with an inhumanly fast speed and slice through two marines with his giant agonizer mounted on his hand like a glove with blades for fingers. As the rest of them started to turn back and notice him the warriors sprinted into the fray and started to club and knife all of the marines. As he watched the battle Kole saw a psyker smashing one of his warriors and started off toward him.

Librarian Makios had seen Tyranids, Space wolf traitors and Tau strike forces and destroyed them with relative ease. He could hardly believe that these Dark Eldar scum would finally defeat him in a small skirmish. He then looked over to his left and saw a rather menacing figure approaching him at a slow walk, and noticed that all of the other warriors were starting to move away.

Like the shadow Kole struck following through with his flurry of attacks and easily repelling his opponents when, after fully two minutes he found a weak spot in his foes armor. The scissor like fingers sliced his through the human’s flesh and made blood spray around the battlefield. For just a moment he reveled in it and that was enough for the psyker to give him a harsh smack in the helmet with his blade and try to suck him into the warp. Summoning the last of his energy to suck the swift creature into the warp he got distracted as the alien pulled out a small device and suddenly he blacked out. Kole looked forward at the large figure lying on the ground and seeing the poison on his Agonizer had done its job stared to round up all of the slave and bring them to his landing craft, to take them to his slave chains and torture chambers.

As he watched in excitement as the number of slaves taken was quite close to the number of marines they actually fought he saw that some of the marines were stirring about, all the better for him to torture and he allowed himself a small chuckle before entering the ship with his incapacitated opponent.

He saw as the Dark Angels reinforcements had come and were preparing to fire at his raider but they couldn’t see it, how much he loved his night fields. Now as they began to ascend to their cruiser the Dark Angels opened fire and one of the plasma bursts hit them. No damage amazingly but the recoil sent a couple of slaves reeling and almost off of the edge.

As they finally reached the ship in orbit around the planet they began their Journey to a world he had recently received a bulletin about from the daughter of pain, No’Akei. The ripe, dying world of Medusa V. a land of discord, ruin and open revolt. Along with many slaves and torture subjects to be brought upon the ways of the Haemonculi. They were ready to take the world along with their Dark Eldar brethren, and they would make a certain impact on them that none would forget for a long time to come.
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Old 24 Aug 2007, 02:50   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Entry E - Untitled

*Bump to first page*
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Old 31 Aug 2007, 12:52   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Entry E - Untitled

The story seems scattered, and disorianting somehow.

First, there is a discussion with Cabal master and the "hero" (I assume this is on Gomorrah), then suddenly the troops are on Eldar colony fighting and taking prisoners. On the return, the fact that the slaves are taken through webway portal first and burned seems to indicate they are on foot on planet surface. With the route blocked, they however jump into a carrier (spaceship), and leave. Where did the space ship come from? Did they intend to leave it there, if the webway had worked?

Next is a raiding party, that is retreating with heavy cruiser following them. Once the battle starts however, they are firing at a battleship(not cruiser) with "main lances"(The DE ship was supposed to be a carrier? Wouldn't bombers have been more appropriate?). Then the battleship launches fighter, while the carrier relies in it's guns. Fighters get in range to fire, but ship moves out of range as a defense. This makes a indication of a game like event, more then a story like one making the story more unbelievable.(if they move in range to fire, and do so, how can moving out of range be the defense? How didtheyget in weapons range in the first place?).
Soon after the carrier (using main weapons) shoots the battlehip(that is launching fighters) and detonates their reactor. However, out of the blue, they get boarded (where did the boarding ships come from? The reactorless burning battleship?)

After a disorienting boarding battle, the other DE just join their cabal, and their battlecuiser joins the force. Then they move to another planet, attack Space marines, and leave for Medusa V.

In whole, there is no clear plot. The events are scattered, almost random like, and the inconsistencies make it hard to read/follow. The scattered set of events are in no way tied together, and even the events seem like they are just pushed together quickly and on a whim. If I'd have to guess, the story is based on the writers 40k army, and few battles he has fought. (40k battles, the space combat seems more like made up).
I hope it doesn't seem too hard, but I can't really see much to applaud in the story: The dialogue is flimsy, the events make no sense, plot is non existent and everything seems like it was just thrown together (propably at last moment) without much thinking. To top it off, there seems to be a attempt to be "really REALLY evil"(the DE basic nature), that doesn't quite succeed.
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