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Dragons Force
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Old 18 Sep 2005, 04:43   #1 (permalink)
Shas'Vre
 
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Default Dragons Force

Here's my Chapter I am going to be playing after I get Xmas money lol.

Dragons Force


The Dragons force chapter is one of the most respected and feared chapter in the galaxy, located in the eastern part of the galaxy, close to the Tau Empire in a system called The Dragos System. The Home world of the planet is the second planet, Aiur, out of the other planets of Shakuras, Adun, and Khala.
Aiur is a great juggle world, but the best place is one of the Training and Recruiting grounds of the chapter. At Aiur they learn the art of using cover, and learning to take care of their weapons and armour, they are trained by the Leader of the 8th Company. After training they are sent to Shakuras, the dark planet, being so far from the sun get only about 5 hours of sunlight a day. so a perfect place to training in the Art of sheath.
The Dragon force chapter uses sheath to gain Intel, the chapter believes that fighting the unknown is like fighting a chaos daemon. But after training the scout's are shipped off to the company's as recon units. When the chapter learns all they need they need a intersecping force to destroy the threat, most of the time the enemy doest have a chance. Whirlwinds are a great tool, for before the battle begans they can fire off shots to keep the enemies head down, as the Space Marine army rushes forward to kill the enemy.
The myth of the Chapter is almost unknown, and only truly understood by the chapters Ally's. The curnet Chapter Master is Zeratul Darkwing.


Thank you for your time.
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"... and if machine spirit is not roused, the Lithany of Profanity should be spoken, followed by ritual striking of machine with one's fist. After which, depress the red rune again."

[taken from Adeptus Mechanicus manual]
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Old 18 Sep 2005, 11:32   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dragons Force

Well, I really don't like this idea. It isn't very original at all, you're just taking names of things from Starcraft and trying to turn them into Space Marines.........yeah. From the little bit of fluff you've written, they just seem like Dark Angels lite, smothered in names from an RTS that was very popular about 4 or 5 years ago.
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Old 18 Sep 2005, 12:01   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dragons Force

lay off him! >
we cant all be as perfect as you Jeff :,
Shovah:
i like your idea but it is just a tiny bit too fantasy based for my liking,
but if it suits you,go for it
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Old 18 Sep 2005, 13:16   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dragons Force

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShasOJeff
Well, I really don't like this idea. It isn't very original at all, you're just taking names of things from Starcraft and trying to turn them into Space Marines.........yeah. From the little bit of fluff you've written, they just seem like Dark Angels lite, smothered in names from an RTS that was very popular about 4 or 5 years ago.
Hey....BW still has quite a large fanbase. Woo go Use Map Setting games.

But seriously, just make stuff up...combine words, take apart words and reconnect them. Like Aseum could me a planet, I just combined as + museum. Easy stuff. Just don't copy SC unless that's what you are really goin for
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Old 18 Sep 2005, 13:27   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dragons Force

Starcraft is a great game, don't get me wrong... but honestly this needs some work. If you just used origional names off the top of your head, you wouldn't get any negative criticism, but as it is... you come off as being uncreative and unorigional when you hackney in words from other sources.

Get some new planet names, and please rename your chapter master, and your idea will be great.
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Old 19 Sep 2005, 01:29   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dragons Force

Would be good if you were more orginal...you need to make some of your own stuff. As Raken said, creating names can be easy. Like I like the name Phil, so I added some spice to create a name for a Marine in my chapter as Philagean.
However, the training in stealth and recon techniques seemed original. Keep that. But then you siad after the recon they rush forward, not using the stealth they are supposed to treasure...kind of funky. And please expand on the myth...it seems kind of thrown in there. Good luck, and have fun-creating chapters is a very fun process.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShasOJeff
Well, I really don't like this idea. It isn't very original at all, you're just taking names of things from Starcraft and trying to turn them into Space Marines.........yeah. From the little bit of fluff you've written, they just seem like Dark Angels lite, smothered in names from an RTS that was very popular about 4 or 5 years ago.
Very harshe...and you gave no ideas or suggestions. Please be more productive and gentler in your postings-it's quite annoying to have these posts come up.
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Old 19 Sep 2005, 15:46   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dragons Force

thats what i said
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Old 19 Sep 2005, 20:29   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dragons Force

Ok, I was harsh because I felt strongly about it. I really didn't think it was a good idea. I believe my post implied the suggestion to be more original. My advice would be to not make everything named after stuff that wasn't your idea. There are numerous other problems with basing your army on something like that. My buddy was obsessed with Warcraft when he started orks, so he was like "fell orcs are so cool, I'm gonna paint all my guys red". After a couple years, hundreds of dollars, and a some red paint, he obviously regrets this. Two reasons being that it wasn't his idea, and that it is highly divergent from the official fluff. If you like the names, more power to you, go ahead and name your chaplain zeratul or whatever, however it becomes kinda boring after you give everything a name from starcraft.

Please be less of a "politeness cop" in your postings-it's quite annoying to have these posts come up.
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Old 20 Sep 2005, 04:04   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dragons Force

I agree that I need to change the planets, names, etc. And I need the Truth so I don't really care what words anyone uses because I need to work out the details to get my chapter right. Getting that behind thank you for all of the good feed back, as we speak I am brain storming for some ideas on what I can use to make my chapter more original.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SMRCommander
But then you said after the recon they rush forward, not using the stealth they are supposed to treasure...kind of funky.* And please expand on the myth...it seems kind of thrown in there.* Good luck, and have fun-creating chapters is a very fun process.
What I meant was that the ambush the enemy, getting in a good potion then hitting the weak spots thanks to the Intel they gain, they avoid going all out (But some times they have to). Sorry if my words meant differently. BTW Where did I put in myth? I cant seem to see where i put myth in.

TYFYT
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"... and if machine spirit is not roused, the Lithany of Profanity should be spoken, followed by ritual striking of machine with one's fist. After which, depress the red rune again."

[taken from Adeptus Mechanicus manual]
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Old 21 Sep 2005, 22:44   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dragons Force

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shovah
* * * * *The myth of the Chapter is almost unknown, and only truly understood by the chapters Ally's.
Here.
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