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Campaign fluff: Waaagh! Badklaw
Old 15 Sep 2007, 16:29   #1 (permalink)
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 143
Default Campaign fluff: Waaagh! Badklaw

Space, low orbit above the world of Tale’Ath in the Golgotha system. Several kilometres above the upper stratosphere of the planet, a massive rift in the fabric of space-time continuum tore itself open with a flash of green lightning. The first thing to fall out of it was a shower of small, green, squiggly creatures. This was followed shortly by a trio of shoddily-built buggies, a large fuel drum and a surprised-looking Tyranid Lictor.

Then, with a soundless roar echoing throughout the void between the stars, the Orkish space hulk Abandon All Hope forced itself through the gap, hanging in the silence for a single moment before plummeting down towards the surface of the planet below.

Dugnuk untangled himself from the mess of machinery and cables he had become ensnared in when he was thrown off his seat upon the hulk making contact with the ground. He drew himself unsteadily to his feet and looked around. The control room of the unwieldy spacecraft was in utter disarray - that is, more so than usual. The impact of the crash had dislodged various pieces of equipment bolted to the walls, which now lay strewn across the floor as though someone had set off a bomb in Axis’s mekshop. Dugnuk vaguely wondered how many of the items lying about would actually need to be fixed before the hulk was space-worthy again.

There was a clattering noise off to his right. A green head poked itself out of a massive heap of gunz piled in a corner of the room, made a gargling noise and spat out a loose toof. Dugnuk quickly picked it up and pocketed it before its erstwhile owner fully regained his senses.

It took a little over a minute for Gizgaz to dig himself out of the pile o’ gunz and get to his feet. Dugnuk swung open the hatch in the side of the ship and the two Orks glanced outside, over the lip of the crater the hulk had punched into the face of the planet.

“Oi, diz ain’t Charadon…” Even Gizgaz’s tiny mind was able to comprehend that the endless savannah stretching away into the distance before his eyes could not possibly by be anywhere on the blasted, charred earth of Charadon.

Dugnuk punched him in the head. “I’z told ya we shoulda took a left at da fishface station, ya stoopid git!”

“Not my fault!” retorted Gizgaz. “Yoo’z da one wot fergot which exit ta take at da roundabout at Alsanta!”

“Wot’z all diz den, eh?” a new voice joined in the conversation before Dugnuk could make his next comment, a considerably lower and deeper voice. Both Flyboyz froze in fear and turned around slowly. There, framed in the doorway of the control room, flanked by the half-shadowed forms of half a dozen Nobz, was the hulking, mega-armoured bulk of Warboss Badklaw.

“Gizgaz’s (Dugnuk’s) fault!” chorused the Orks, pointing at each other in perfect synchronization.

Badklaw grunted and shoved his way past the Flyboyz to glance out of the hatch himself. Moments later, he turned back to his cowering subordinates, his bionik eye flashing with fury.

“I’z told ya worthless lot ta get ta Charadon so we’z can join in da tin’ead-bashin’, and yoo’z two can’t even do dat roight! WOT’VE YA GOT TA SAY FER YERSELFZ?”

Badklaw was leaning right over Dugnuk and Gizgaz now, causing the two Flyboyz to bend backwards as far as their backs would allow in order to put as much distance between the Boss’s face and their own as possible, without having to move their feet since that would imply trying to run away and most likely earn them a thorough beating.


“Um… er… wot’z dat noise over dere?” whimpered Dugnuk pathetically.

“’E’s roight, Boss, I fink I hear sumfink,” piped up one of the Nobz from the back of the room.

“Who asked yoo?” grumbled Badklaw, but perked up his green ears to listen all the same.

Sure enough, somewhere in the distance there came a noise, or rather, a mixture of noises blended into a single, chaotic sound which carried itself along the wind, across the infinite savannah of the planet, through the open hatch and into the control room of the space hulk. In that one, terrible resonance, Badklaw could make out the shouts of men, the clank of treads, the snarl of cannons. It was a sound the Orks knew well. It was the sound of war.

Badklaw cast his sight as far as it could go and sure enough, there on the horizon a huge battle was taking place. Armies of humies and fishfaces were advancing towards each other, their weapons stitching bright lines of light across the ever-decreasing space between them as mighty tank formations manoeuvred alongside, their guns raining destruction upon the opposition.

A grin spread itself across Badklaw’s face. Maybe this little mistake wasn’t quite as bad as he thought it was after all. The crash wasn’t a bad one - he was sure Axis could repair it without too much trouble. In the meantime, it didn’t look as though the planet was lacking in propa Orky entertainment to keep him and da boyz occupied till da Meks were done fixing up the hulk.

“Boyz, it’z your lucky day,” he said to Dugnuk and Gizgaz, helping the two up to their feet. The Flyboyz had remained bent over backwards while Badklaw was watching the battle and their spines had finally given in to exhaustion, whereupon they had collapsed to the floor unceremoniously.

“Er… er… it iz?” Gizgaz’s face was the picture of bewilderedness.

“Yes. Now go gather up da ladz and tell da grotz ta fuel up da trukkz. We’z got sum krumpin’ ta get stuck into!”
"Beakiez? Wot beakiez?" -Big Mek Axis, absent-minded response to oiler Grot while blasting Space Marines apart
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Old 15 Sep 2007, 18:05   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Campaign fluff: Waaagh! Badklaw

The first thing to fall out of it was a shower of small, green, squiggly creatures. This was followed shortly by a trio of shoddily-built buggies, a large fuel drum and a surprised-looking Tyranid Lictor.

You had me from here. ;D This is great. Really funny.
And yet, unless my senses deceive me, the old centuries had, and have, powers of their own which mere "modernity" cannot kill ~ Bram Stoker's Dracula
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