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Have you seen this Ork??
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Old 15 Dec 2008, 21:17   #1 (permalink)
Shas'Ui
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 743
Default Have you seen this Ork??

Dear All,
This is all in humor, and I was going to send it off to the "Humor" forum, but it seems more fun if done from an Ork POV.
Plus, I know everyone here has an active funny bone
Thanks,
-BT

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have you seen this Ork??

After many a day of hard generaling/Bossing I have noticed that there is a strange habit that many an Ork has picked up, let me know if you've seen this in your group!

1. The Loota
This Ork is the semi-bane of the group. Maybe he does it on purpose. Maybe he's just careless. But what is obvious is that things disappear when he's around. If you start playing with 15 dice vs him, you won't end up with 15 at the end. His templates are obviously from different versions or manufactorers, none of which he owns. Foodstuffs and Drinkables go missing at an alarming rate!

2. The Forgotten
Again, this may be on purpose, or it may be by accident, but this Ork keeps forgetting things. Maybe its a rulebook. Or a codex. Or a rulebook and a codex. Or an army list, a rulebook, and a codex, so it'll only take an hour until he gets back with them all...

3. The Fidgity Deployer
Maybe he's just overly careful. Maybe he just likes to touch his little men too much. In any case, it takes him 10 minutes to deploy. One Rhino. At a time. You can go out for chips and a malt and yes, he'll be ready soon. No, not yet. He's probably still deploying his last Apocalypse list. From last month.

4. The Always Wrong Rule-Lawyer
If any Ork makes this hobby painful, it is this Ork. Not only is he wrong about rules, he insists he's right. He'll demand a red-shirt. He'll throw out conspiracy theories. I won't go into it. You've seen them, you've felt the pain, you know it.

If anyone feels like adding more please do!
And remember, its all in fun (Humor is the best therapy after all...)!

Best
-BT
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Old 15 Dec 2008, 23:22   #2 (permalink)
Shas'La
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: London, ON
Posts: 413
Default Re: Have you seen this Ork??

5) The Storymonger. These old boyz are always going on about fluff, no matter what the situation and no matter how desperate you are to get the game moving. They will take any opportunity to explain how a weapon works, an intricacy of some alien culture, or the battlefield designation of a unit. He typically becomes so involved in the storytelling that he ceases all movement and dice rolling. Watch out, yoofs, for once on his tirade you may not live long enough to find out whether or not you can "sieze the initiative".
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Old 16 Dec 2008, 03:08   #3 (permalink)
Shas'Ui
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 709
Default Re: Have you seen this Ork??

6) The Grot
Dis one iz new to playin' and don't know many of dem rulez. Hiz modelz are often azzembled wron', and 'e any detailz iz 'idden under zloppy paint jobz.
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Old 16 Dec 2008, 03:40   #4 (permalink)
Shas'Saal
 
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Default Re: Have you seen this Ork??

7) The Warboss
The most important person out of everybody. Nobody else' input matters just the fact that they talk. They will take time in the middle of shooting or assault just to say "Hey I killed like 10 dudes with one shot on Halo 3" AND THEN have to tell the story. This Ork and the The Storymonger are frequently together. The Warboss will go and talk to random people telling them all about their accomplishments and how an army should be played or painted.
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Old 26 Dec 2008, 18:45   #5 (permalink)
Shas'Ui
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: UK, DEVON
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Default Re: Have you seen this Ork??

/8 The Ball crusher (wife)

The big boss who stops others from finishing their fun/game under the threat of a severe tongue lashing in front of de uver orkz.
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The iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you?re a god or a total bastard. The iron will always kick you the real deal. The iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the iron to be my greatest friend. It never freaks out on me, never runs. Friends may come and go. But, two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds.
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