"So what are we actually doing, then?" Wonshott asked, hefting his bastardised weapon to his shoulder. As he got off the bar stool he seemed to shrink in size somewhat, appearing as smaller than both of the two organisers.
"How... how old are you?" Wogama wondered aloud.
"You don't wanna know," he sparkled. The chainsaw revved. "Don't worry, it does that."
Sircis lit another lho stick as all three of them looked up to a booming voice on the intercom.
"Attention all slaves," the voice coughed, "I mean citizens of Tao Onlin station. This is your Overlord speaking. It has come to my attention that two miscreants have found their way aboard, and they must be cleansed."
Wogama and Sircis exchanged looks, both clearly wondering if this "Overlord" was referring to them. The voice went on.
"Would Sircis Cegorach and Wogama Fluffham please make their way to Tairoz' Torture Chamber immediately. I'm sorry, did I say Torture Chamber? I meant Happy Chamber. Yes. Tairoz' Happy Chamber. You are in absolutely no danger whatsoever."
Eyebrows were raised amongst all three of our heroes.
"Are the scorpions prepared?" the intercom voice whispered. "Oh, sorry, I left this on. Over and out."
As the final beep came to signify the end of the message, Wogama and Sircis gave each other a shaky look.
"I think you'd better go," Wonshott suggested. "You don't cross the Overlord and get the chance to think twice about it. If you're lucky, it'll just be a bit of torture and a slap on the wrist. He's quite lenient like that."
The young man looked totally serious.
Sircis shrugged, lighting another lho stick.
"How bad can it be?"
Wonshott had been left in the bar for now, Sircis and Wogama would pick him up on their way back to the Entirely Legitimate. If they got out.
They were stood just outside a huge pair of heavy wrought iron doors with a complex motif embossed upon them, from scorpions' tails to lizards' claws and all many of... well, what seemed to be the animal kingdom's methods of dealing death. Sircis scratched his thigh beneath his diamond multicoloured trousers and lit a lho stick.
"Do you want one?"
"Of course I don't want one," Wogama practically spat.
"Just letting you know. This might be your last chance."
The doors creaked open and orange smoke curled out of the gap, whisping and mixing with the emissions from Sircis' narcotics. The voice returned, but here it was louder and the force of it nearly put Sircis' lho stick out.
"Sircis Cegorach... and Wogama Fluffham. You have found your way onto my station. You carry the death penalty in four systems. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't hand you to the Arbites."
Wogama punched the air.
"What?" Sircis muttered.
"One good reason? This is easy!"
Sircis looked like in his mind it quite clearly wasn't easy, but he was sure that if his partner said so then he had something up his sleeve.
"The nearest Arbites Citadel that's actually manned is over thirty parsecs away, on a planet that Tao Onlin has no relations with. It'll be difficult to send a ship out there, unless you get us to fly there ourselves, and we're not going to do that. There's a closer Citadel strictly speaking but it's unmanned and the planet is just full of dangerous beasts, and you're not going to risk a crew taking us there... even if you can claim we're their problem now."
"... Fair point."
The doors opened wider.
"Come in. Beware of the ninj-... No, I won't say that, it's overused."
Okay, I know I said I wanted Zenai or Genmotty next, but then I realised FT fit better. Don't worry, you'll all get your chance =)
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Topic: Wogama's Eleven - a 40k Heist Spoof (Read 5929 times)