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40K Jokes
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Old 16 Apr 2007, 08:38   #1 (permalink)
Shas'Saal
 
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Default 40K Jokes

Yep, I want to hear them. No matter how bad. Here's a couple of mine:


What's a Space Marines favorite Game?
Dreadnoughts and Crosses! (Terrible!)

What 's the difference between the Imperial Guard and the Circus?
The Imperial Guard has more tents!

__________________
Fire and Fortune go with you.

Sam, Nick and Robert are cast as a gay fashion designer, a horny soul brother, and an incompetent impressionist respectively. The three escape their mental asylum and sexually assault their way into a girl's school. The entire female cast comprises softcore porn models who don skimpy karate costumes and violently turn the tables on their tormentors.


When in deadly danger, When beset by doubt, Run in little circles, Wave your arms and shout.
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v219/Colo
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Old 16 Apr 2007, 09:39   #2 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
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Default Re: 40K Jokes

I think there is already a thread about this but here goes...

how many tech priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
3, one to screw in the lightbulb, one to praise the machine god and one to burn the incense.

(go to http://www.40konline.com/mos/index.p...257&Itemid=756 for more jokes)
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Old 16 Apr 2007, 09:46   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: 40K Jokes

Chaplain: what's the difference between my helmet and the latrine?
Scout: dunno
Chaplain: so it was you! *raises crozier*

Why did the Inquisitor cross the road?
We ask the questions!

Why did the Guardsman cross the road?
cos the Commissar would shot him if he didn't

Why did the Commissar cross the road?
to shoot the Guardsman for taking too long.

Why did the space marine cross the road?
It was his holy duty to get to the other side and aid the forces of the emperor

Why did the second Guardsman cross the road?
His Corporal told him to.

Why did the Corporal cross the road?
his Sergeant told him to

why did the Lieutenant cross the road?
his Captain told him to.

why did the Captain cross the road?
his Major told him to.

Why did the General cross the road
It looked safe now the rest were over.

Why did the Emperor cross the road?
It is not for us to question the will of the emperor.

Why did the Lictor cross the road?
Buffet.
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Old 16 Apr 2007, 10:23   #4 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
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Default Re: 40K Jokes

GW and 40k

Most people have noted, that in 40k universe the Emperors throne located on holy Terra would be in same place that GW is originated in real world. This seems to indicate, that if GW was transported to 40k universe, they would in effect be the Emperor. This, however is not the case. If GW would be transported to 40k universe, they would be warp. There are many similarities:

-In 40k, ships entering warp have their time twisted, making them exit the warp from mere months to full centuries afterthey begun the journey. The time used seems to be random, based on currents of warp unpredictable to humans. In real life, compare the development and renewal frequency of Marine codex and Orks / Dark eldar. Random currents indeed.

-In 40k The Very essence of warp is pure chaos. People trying to find meaning in it, or even those who look straight at it risk going insane. The essence of warp can only safely be observed indirectly. In real world "Any rolls to wound of a 6 count as AP1, regardless of target toughness." required an FAQ to solve it.

-In 40 Warp is the home of Chaos gods,Tzeentch, Khorne, Slaanesh and Nurgle. In real life, the Human resources seems to take care of the change, the war(hammer) god is a local resident, internet access is used to visit pornsites (it sure as hell wasn't for upkeep of their own forums) and having a few geeks to work in same place for week, you can be sure that SOMEONE came up with nurgle just because of the smell.

-In 40k warp creatures create cults of fanatic worshippers among normal people, in order to spread their influence among them. When they finally clash with normal people, the clash can escalate to serious of planetary disorder, and risks the very stability of the system. In real life, try posting "[random 40k race] suck!" on 40K internet forum.

-In 40k, chaos space marines made pacts with with warpcreatures to gain power, only to later find out they owed their souls to chaos gods, and were forced to serve their goals for all eternity. In real life there are "Intellectual Property" laws.

-In 40k universe, there are insane berserkers running around with swords, axes etc. close combat weapons craving for honor in battle and senseless violence. In real life we have Wargamer.

However, it is not just Wand warp, there are some other really scary similarities between 40k and reality.


-In 40k universe stories about desperate fights against all odds are everyday occurrence. Sometimes great heroes rise to meet these odds and succeed, though mostly the people taking part are doomed to fail. In real life, try to find a girl taking part to 40k tournament, and maybe ask her out sometime.

-In 40k universe, the things are usually on mind numbing scale. Billions of guardsmen, space ships that are kilometers long, thousands of heavy warmachines, each more frightening hen previous, making you sometimes question the very numbers behind them. In real life, you wonder how come you pay 8 for two IG troopers and their gun?

-In 40k universe the Inquisition works on the principle "innocence proves nothing", since failing to spot the treason can have dire costs not just for the inquisitor, but for everyone around him. In real life "I forgot my army list" and "It's a special rule, but I don't have the codex, just trust me." should be the first sign.

-In 40k universe, it has sometimes said the average lifespan of Imperial guardsman on battlefield is 15 hours. In real life, hand up everyone who has unfinished units still in boxes for at least two armies.


[size=4pt]Ok, I came up with this fast and propably there are better ones too. Hope you find at least some of them funny.[/size]
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Old 16 Apr 2007, 11:53   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: 40K Jokes

How many Slanneshi does it take to screw in a light bulb...

Only 2, the question is how did they get in there in the first place.
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Old 16 Apr 2007, 12:01   #6 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
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Default Re: 40K Jokes

This joke isn't mine, but as I have no idea where I copied it from I'll have to not give credit to anyone.....

A mob of Orks has a Space Marine pinned down behind a wall. The Space marine calls out over the wall "I challenge one of you to single combat!"

The Orks snicker and laugh and one Ork steps behind the wall. The other Orks hear a scream and then silence.

Then the marine calls out over the wall again "Ha that Ork was puny. I bet I could take 10 of you!"

So 10 Orks climb over the wall, there's ten screams and then silence.

The marine laughs and calls over the wall again "That was easy. Now that I'm warmed up why not send over 100 Orks."

The Orks never being ones to turn down a good fight oblige and 100 Orks climb over the wall. The sceams go on for five minutes before everything go silent again.

The marine calls out again "How about a thousand?"

So a thousand Orks climb over the wall. The sounds of fighting can be heard by the other Orks and they wait impatiently until finally one very badly wounded Ork pulls himself painfully over the wall.
"Dey was cheatin'. There waz two marine boyz behind the wall."

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There is no such thing as a plea of innocence in my court. A plea of innocence is guilty of wasting my time. Guilty.
- Inquisitor Lord Karamazov

What do you humans know of our pain? We have sang songs of lament since before your ancestors crawled on their bellies from the sea - Eldrad Ulthran
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Old 16 Apr 2007, 16:49   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: 40K Jokes

WARNING: Should you read the folowing words you do so at your own risk and I accept no responsibility for damage to your computer or seelf, nor do yo have any right to shout at me. Read on if you dare:


[size=2pt]There was a black and white space marine on a black and white bike...
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Old 16 Apr 2007, 17:17   #8 (permalink)
Shas'Vre
 
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Default Re: 40K Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hadhfang
WARNING: Should you read the folowing words you do so at your own risk and I accept no responsibility for damage to your computer or seelf, nor do yo have any right to shout at me. Read on if you dare:


[size=2pt]There was a black and white space marine on a black and white bike...
Didn't come up with anything.
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Old 16 Apr 2007, 17:18   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: 40K Jokes

meaning what? If you want to find the joke google it.
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Old 16 Apr 2007, 17:24   #10 (permalink)
Shas'Vre
 
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Default Re: 40K Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hadhfang
meaning what? If you want to find the joke google it.
Oh, I thought you meant search the site :P, it didn't come up with anything. On TO I mean.

Edit: I found it.* :-\
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