[jacktheodd]

The planet of Q’kakzeel was a barren waste on the surface but beneath the sands laid the richest wonders and the most horrifying secrets. Many miners and geologists from those races that took care for such treasures, even the orks from the bad moons clan ventured to the strange sands in search of these treasures. But venturing to this planet meant taking terrible risks...and not the normal risks of mining on an alien planet. Because of this; out of the thousands of treasure greedy people that set foot on Q’kakzeels sands few returned with the treasure they wanted. Each survivor had their own tales for their time beneath the planets sands. Many are horrifying and shocking but the tale I shall tell you is not of a miner, geologist nor a treasure hunter, but rather the survivors of the imperial guard space cruiser and an ork rock collision and their ordeal on the perilous planet.

so here is the first instalment what you guys think?

[Maureth]

It's good, I particularly like the way you speak like a narrator or bard.
M

[lemon-green]

I'm suitably intrigued.
I too, enjoy your bard-ish quality or nature of story telling.

I picture us all at a campfire and its just after a few sing alongs, the fire seems weak, though the embers glow a fierce red. You rose from the shadows, discarding your lute and marshmallow stick, you enrapture us with the prologue of your tale and we all sit, waiting for the rest.

Thats the setting in my head. Just thought i'd share it with you all.

[jacktheodd]

oh god thanks guys! i wet self laughing at konji comment...
jack the bard! wow this may be my msn name for a while.

i tend to write like this because i think it can relate to the reader and pull them in more. it also allows me to add little jokes and such without upsetting the story line too much. ooh we will well on the next peice..aka some time this weekend.

[jacktheodd]

i take that back the next installment is now!

Space, it used to be a quiet area with no movement par from the planets, meteors and stars…but now; space crafts for all races speed round and fighting amongst the races often breaks out and the causalities enter the warp or just become intergalactic scrap yards. Or a big mek’s heaven...which ever you prefer. But once again I cannot tell you of all the battles because there are far too many…and I can’t be bothered to tell you them. Moving on. But our story follows the ordeal of the imperial space craft, the Mighty Victorious (or Vikky to its crew). Its hull glistened white and bands of gold were laid out in an intricate pattern of delicate swirls and beautiful curves. It was the fastest ship from the planet of Gratica and captain of such a ship was major Schvuatz and his valiant 15th.

He was a tall, well built man. He had a scar running from his left ear to the edge of his lips; a crude joke from an ork warlord, when he was prisoner during the Armagedon crusade. But apart from the scar nothing else ruined his amazing posture and body frame. And where ever he went an aura of pride, loyalty, zeal, order and all that other stuff that an imperial commander should have followed him like a grand cape...or like something that follows him a lot. He would also have his master crafted bolt pistol with an ivory handle (some say it’s the teeth of the ork warlord) and along with it seven pouches of shells but one pouch only carries one special shell but the reason for this is unknown. His uniform was jet black with white details, his chest heavy from the weight of medals and his carapiece amour.

But back to the ship. His ship could out maneuver any ship in the galaxy and do considerable damage to its hunter whilst doing so. But proved to be it’s weakness against one foe. and this would lead to his venture apon or beneath the sands of Q'kakzeel.

more soon. next time: we see the foe and the reason for their adventure of the sands.
cc welcome and its back to the labrynth for me...

blue the bard.

any ideas/ request for the enemy...no marines allowed(over done)

[Boneguard]

Have you read some H.P.Lovecraft??? Some of his work are reminescent of this in it's thematic.

The antagonist should be someone, who would usually be killed on sight, yet who would complete your hero when faced with the Horror from Beneath the Sand.

In essence, Tau, Ork or both Eldar faction -especially Dark eldar- would fit the bill IMO.

[jacktheodd]

nopes only terry pratchett...lol.

well you see i think my story may suprise you when it comes to facing the horror beneth the sands...der der deeeeerrrr

and i have settled on second race...hope you enjoy it..
back to work for me.

[enderwiggin]

I like it so far!

We need a good Necron story anyways, I always found them to be better off in the Lovecraftian vein than the terminator "kill-em'-all" sort.

[jacktheodd]

okay guys and galls...i am on fire today and have finished yet another chapter...this time its the seconds races stage call.

“Oi wuzbug give me dat drinky stuff!” exclaimed the rather large, brutish, wealthy and barbaric warboss, then letting out a belch that knocked out a poor grot who was too close. The terrified ork boy brought the warboss his drink in a special goblet; it was special because it was made from the helmet of a great terminator chaplain from the salamander chapter or scaly gits as his boys poetically called them. But I don’t want to really go into detail about the drink itself as mork knows what was put in it; grot pee, squig brains, oil, blood or even a poor snotling, who was in the wrong place at the wrong time, who knows. The warboss slouched on his orky throne, opening and closing his power klaw. He slouched there quietly in his so called “thinky pose”, but what actually was going on in his head will be unknown just like the question why he has half a jaw of steel. But there he sat, his red eyes squinting, top lips shaking and squigar smoking in his mouth. His muscles shook with a cold ecstasy, who knew the warp was so cold. His huge torso seemed to bulge with muscles, his muscles seemed to have muscles. But his ‘eavy amour was a sight to put any blacksmith to tears. He had parts from tanks, space marines and other metal bits and bobs…all welded and screwed into chunky plates that were strapped from his body. he was big and mean, so needed a big mean name; Admirul grimskall or captan to his men. And he was the “admiral” of the s.s. Mortanic the 2nd; it’s the second because the last one accidentally crashed on armagedon during the third war.

But it was no normal kruizer, but a giant rok. The aftermath from ships collisions in the warp. And it’s strength was its ramming power. And it was by chance that the rok was spat out of the warp next to the planet Q’kakzeel and the mighty victorious.


hope you stay for the ride...there is some really good parts coming up and several twists! muhahaha

blue

[lemon-green]

Originally Posted by the blue worm.

hope you stay for the ride...there is some really good parts coming up and several twists! muhahaha

Ill be staying for the ride, and Im looking forward to it.
Looking forward to the god parts and twists also.
Keep it up, your making good progress.