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My grand-dad
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Old 18 Sep 2005, 20:45   #1 (permalink)
Kroot Shaper
 
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Default My grand-dad

I have only written this because i feel there is no one else can properly and openly speak to about this withou showing my emotion. Recently my grand dad fell ill, at his age and becuase he smokes me and my family are extremely worreid about him and whats worse iss that he wont leave his house to live with some of his sons or daughters. Aslo he is a widower and winter is catching up fast. All of this worries me about how long he has left to live but there is one more thing, my mum. She is so overcome with emotion and she tries to bottle it up, when my grand mother died she was hit the hardest and now she is getting irratible and secretly cries when she thinks i am asleep. I just don't know what to do anymore, i don't want my grand dad to die.
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Old 18 Sep 2005, 20:54   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My grand-dad

The best thing you can do is be there for him, yeah?
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Old 18 Sep 2005, 20:57   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My grand-dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by potestas
I have only written this because i feel there is no one else can properly and openly speak to about this withou showing my emotion. Recently my grand dad fell ill, at his age and becuase he smokes me and my family are extremely worreid about him and whats worse iss that he wont leave his house to live with some of his sons or daughters. Aslo he is a widower and winter is catching up fast. All of this worries me about how long he has left to live but there is one more thing, my mum. She is so overcome with emotion and she tries to bottle it up, when my grand mother died she was hit the hardest and now she is getting irratible and secretly cries when she thinks i am asleep. I just don't know what to do anymore, i don't want my grand dad to die.
I was trying to think of the best advice to give you, but the fact is, I don't know if tehre is any advice anybody can give that is comforting enough to heal wounds this deep.

Having lost two grandparents recently, I know how painful it is. And having lost enough friends in the service I can tell you it never gets easier, and the pain doesn't go away. In reality, it's all dependant on how you deal with the pain that helps you see through the tough days and work on through the horrible ones.

It's really an endurance trial, life. It never gives you an inch before it takes a mile or two. And in the end, regardless of religion or creed, death comes to everyone and everything, you just need to decide the best way to cope with it.

As for your mom, you need to talk to her about it. Tell her that although it won't stop hurting, she has you and you're not going anywhere. Remind her of the good times and make sure that she understands that even though the end may be coming for him, his memory will live on through you both, and those who he touched, and that is in a sense the path to immortality.

I know it's not much but it's all I have to give. My condolences go out to your family.
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Old 18 Sep 2005, 20:57   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My grand-dad

dude you have to face the fact that he will die sooner or later,
but if you are there with him and for him in his hour of need then he will have no regrets because he will have a family that loves him.
i never knew my grandads because they both died of cancer at 60 and my Nana died when i was 8,but i know that even though i dislike my Nana that i will be there for her when she needs me,because the best thing that you can do is be there,
you mom has you to turn to andyou have support here,never forget that,
we got yer back
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Old 18 Sep 2005, 21:00   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My grand-dad

thanks guys, especially rook hawkins your post meant alot and gave me some very important points, but rook thats the thing i don't want to talk to my mum about this, i guess im just scared by the emotion
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Old 18 Sep 2005, 21:06   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My grand-dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by potestas
thanks guys, especially rook hawkins your post meant alot and gave me some very important points, but rook thats the thing i don't want to talk to my mum about this, i guess im just scared by the emotion
Emotion is a damn scary thing. It leads people to do amazingly generous things, courageous and otherwise, but can also drag them down into depression. SOme times you need to find that niche inside yourself that allows you to do the things you normally couldn't do - or thought you couldn't do. You need to locate that niche, and make it work for you - for her sake.

If anything, she needs you now. It's a funny thing, consciousness...you never realize certain things about yourself until soemthing smacks you dead in the face. You are going to have to let things out, and so will she. But that will make you better, help for the better, because with understanding comes compassion, and with compassion comes development. And right now your mom is bottling things up, and she's probably just as confused and upset about all this as you are. Trust me. Development is what you both need.

It will help you both prepare for the worst, while growing stronger in the process, make you tough-skinned to deal with what lies ahead and how you overcome some of your anxiety.

But again, it's already in you - you just have to find it. Then you have to help her find it.
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Old 18 Sep 2005, 21:07   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My grand-dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by potestas
I have only written this because i feel there is no one else* can properly and openly speak to about this withou showing my emotion. Recently my grand dad fell ill, at his age and becuase he smokes me and my family are extremely worreid about him and whats worse iss that he wont leave his house to live with some of his sons or daughters. Aslo he is a widower and winter is catching up fast. All of this worries me about how long he has left to live but there is one more thing, my mum. She is so overcome with emotion and she tries to bottle it up, when my grand mother died she was hit the hardest and now she is getting irratible and secretly cries when she thinks i am asleep. I just don't know what to do anymore, i don't want my grand dad to die.
I know how you feel...

My Grandad died when I was young. I don't know the details, but cancer was mentioned.

My Nan had a fall in July two years ago. From there she went from bad to worse. For six months I lived with her, trying my best to care for her. It was in August, driving back home with my Mum, that I learned the doctors gave her until September to live.

She held out until November. The end of her life was spent in a nursing home, by which time she had no idea where she was. To see, in six months, someone I loved so much turn from a happy woman to helpless amnesiac was heartbreaking; part of me wanted her to live, but another wanted her to die so she wouldn't suffer anymore. For the past two years I have suffers mood swings and depression because of this experience, and attempted suicide at least three times. The last attempt ended with me in a mental hospital.

...but it does get easier. I can talk about her and my Grandad without having to fight back tears. It's hard, especially when you go through what I did, but it does get better. I wish I could say things will go back to how they were, but they never will. The best I can say is that you'll learn to carry on.


I would like to give some advice, if I may; don't hide your emotion. People who say "real men don't cry" are ignorant. Speak to your parents, friends, anyone. Don't bottle it up, because it will only harm you. Trust me on that.

If you ever need someone to talk to, my PM box is always open.
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Old 19 Sep 2005, 02:40   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My grand-dad

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Originally Posted by Wargamer
If you ever need someone to talk to, my PM box is always open.
Ditto that. My PM box and MSN box is always available. That goes for anybody. Not everyone will like what I have to say but I always have an ear out for my fellow man (or woman).
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Old 19 Sep 2005, 04:37   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My grand-dad

Sorry to hear that Potestas.

I can relate. My Mom died when I was 10 and that's the first time I saw my Dad cry. Even though he's a tough old guy (WWII Veteran), he'll be 81 years old in a few days. I know he's not going to be around forever, so I try to spend as much time as I can with him. That's the most important thing you can do to make them feel loved and give them the will to live on.
People from that era are very resilient, life was tougher back then and it has made them strong. Try to stay optimistic. Who knows, maybe your Granddad will outlive all of us!
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Old 19 Sep 2005, 05:15   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My grand-dad

Optimism is giving yourself more distance to fall. I'd say Rook, Wargamers, and GORK's advice is more sound.
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