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Assault With A Deadly Ding Dong
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Old 18 Mar 2010, 22:16   #1 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
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Default Assault With A Deadly Ding Dong

"Marium Varinauskas, 28, tried to strike the officer on the head with his penis when she was called out to his flat, but she got out of the way."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/s...st/8570398.stm
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Old 18 Mar 2010, 22:21   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Assault With A Deadly Ding Dong

I lol'd, heartily.

It's kinda creepy though, because it happened so near me.
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Old 19 Mar 2010, 02:32   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Assault With A Deadly Ding Dong

Holy crap...he must be confident. I'm afraid I wouldn't have much of a range with mine.

"The court heard he had been drinking heavily and could not remember committing the offence at his home in Aberdeen."

Alcohol. :

"Police were called to his home by his girlfriend, who had complained about him being drunk last November."

What took them so long to get there? It's March for god's sake! And was he still drunk or did they just get lucky?

""The accused got to his feet and was standing over the police officer exposing his penis and thrusting it in her face, forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck.""

If this doesn't sound like the plot of a porn movie...nothing does. And evasive action to avoid getting struck?!?!? Seriously? This guy deserves his own reality show not jail time.

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Old 19 Mar 2010, 02:58   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Assault With A Deadly Ding Dong

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Strange Child
It's kinda creepy though, because it happened so near me.
Was it a close friend? :P
He had obviously been watching the fortunately/unfortunately thread too much...
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Fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go round!
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Old 19 Mar 2010, 09:17   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Assault With A Deadly Ding Dong

Quote:
"Police were called to his home by his girlfriend, who had complained about him being drunk last November."


What took them so long to get there? It's March for god's sake! And was he still drunk or did they just get lucky?

Actually, thats quite quick for British police. Must have been a river of paperwork to get through first.


[hr]


This is just weird. I wonder if she was a hot cop, or if he just thought that smacking his penis on someone was a good idea?

Although, and I've been drunk in the past, like, really drunk, but never have I considered that hitting someone with my penis a good idea. I don't think there is enough alchohol in the world to make that seem like a smart plan.
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Old 19 Mar 2010, 11:20   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Assault With A Deadly Ding Dong

I've hit my gf with it...
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Old 19 Mar 2010, 11:43   #7 (permalink)
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My question is, did he at the time consider it to be a martial arts maneuver and if so; what name did he give it?
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Old 19 Mar 2010, 11:55   #8 (permalink)
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Taekwangdo ;D
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Old 19 Mar 2010, 17:59   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Assault With A Deadly Ding Dong

"forcing her to take evasive action"

HAHAHA!

ADMIRAL: ALL HANDS ON DECK! INCOMING TORPEDO! ALL POWER TO STARBOARD ENGINES! CONDUCT EVASIVE ACTION!
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Old 20 Mar 2010, 00:22   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Assault With A Deadly Ding Dong

"So how was work today dear?"

"Pretty crappy some drunk guy tried to hit me in the face with his wank."

*chuckles*

"Don't laugh, I had to dive out of the way."

*still laughing*

"No, really, he almost killed me with the thing. I would have preferred if he had used a baseball bat."

*stops laughing*

"It's all good though. I've got his number. I'm going to go back and visit him tonight."
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