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Is love supposed to feel like this?
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Old 05 Mar 2010, 20:14   #1 (permalink)
Shas'Vre
 
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Default Is love supposed to feel like this?

Hello again all, it's been a while.

Yep, I'm in love again, in a pattern as changeless as the tides. At least this time it's one of my friends, they're my age, and NOT my chemistry teacher! ;D We're on good terms (we talk every lunchtime) and I can make her laugh. We're both fine with belching in public (a good sign in a person, to my experience), and are both unafraid to "go there" with sex jokes. :P

So I casually asked her out the day before yesterday after some advice from her (and my mutual) friends, and so far she hasn't replied (she was hesitating when I asked then we got interrupted, and she asked to talk to me later). That's not surprising, because I haven't seen her in person since then. :P Still, we did talk on facebook, but it was a pretty one-sided conversation. I.e., I told her what I was doing (printing my Personal Project), if she enjoyed her dinner, and then had to go because my Dad was being an arse again, and all the responses I got were "yep", "lol" and "mhmm" to seperate topics. Oh well. :P

So, to my original question; is love supposed to feel like a near-permanent stomachache, or am I just ill? XD

Anywho, I reckon it's a toss-up 50/50 chance whether or not she'll decide to go out with me. I mean, there aren't any reasons not to apart from her own conscience deciding not to ("I just don't feel like it") to my knowledge.

So, to get some productivity out of this topic (apart from other people learning from my mistakes), does anyone have any advice on a first date? Cinema? How to dress? How to get ready? What to do when I'm there? Stuff to talk about?

Thanks,

-Lord of the Pit (henceforth known as the Great Unfortunate One)

PS: Forgot to mention, I was going to offer to help her with her Personal Project (a BIG assignment due on Monday, she's got the weekend to do it) regardless of whether she said yes or not. Err... I was going somewhere with this, but I forgot where. Oh well, must dash.
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Old 05 Mar 2010, 20:23   #2 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
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Default Re: Is love supposed to feel like this?

You might want to secure a date first ;D Just ask her outright and if she says no, plenty more fish in the sea. Don't get caught up with something that 'might' be, she might just be making excuses so she doesn't upset you. At the end of the day it sounds like she is a friend, friends going into relationships with each other can lead to loss of friendship. Depends what you value.
Just ask her if she's game or not ;D
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Old 05 Mar 2010, 20:29   #3 (permalink)
Shas'O
 
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Default Re: Is love supposed to feel like this?

Love is that feeling you get when you stop short of pimp slapping your special someone. You're so angry that you want to kick them to the curb but you don't because you really care about them deeply. That's love.

:P Sorta....

Anyway, look, mate, you're 14. Do yourself a favor and enjoy being 14....and 15....and 16.....and 17....and keep that patten up until you're about 20. Then you can start worrying about what love feels like.

Seriously, this isn't a "you're too young" reply. This is a "you're young so enjoy it" reply. Being a young teenager is tough. Your world is changing, you're struggling with feelings that you haven't really dealt with before. And everyone your age is in the same boat. The chances of you really being in love are pretty slim. The chances of the person you love feeling the same way are also very slim. The chances that your love will stand the test of time through the trials of being a teenager are almost zero.

So stop worrying about what girls feel about you or what you feel about them. Take the time to be friends with lots of guys and girls. Figure out who you are as a person and where you fit in the world. If you take the time to become comfortable in your own skin, mature as a person and learn to be a social individual....when it comes time to love it will be a lot more natural.

For the record, I met a girl when I was 17 and I felt like I was in love with her. But it wasn't until I was 20 that I was actually ready to be married. And even at 29 I wonder if I acted too quickly or should have waited longer until we knew eachother better and were more ready. So I'm not a decrier of teenage love but I do have firsthand experience of the notion that you should take your time and let love worry about itself.
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Old 05 Mar 2010, 21:17   #4 (permalink)
Shas'O
 
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Default Re: Is love supposed to feel like this?

No man, that's syphilis.

I'm sorry, had to be done :P


I think love is waking up in the morning feeling secure and happy, that even though life sucks, you have that person in your life to brighten everything up.

Of course... that being said, yeah, the stomach ache is normal, especially waiting to see her response. And.... I know I'm really too young to, but I agree with Emlyn. Enjoy yourself, at least until you get out of high school.
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Old 05 Mar 2010, 21:28   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is love supposed to feel like this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lord of the Pit
So, to my original question; is love supposed to feel like a near-permanent stomachache, or am I just ill? XD
Personally it tends to be more in my chest, but sounds reasonably accurate. :P

The advice already given here is pretty sound to be honest, by both dontlookdown and Emlyn. I would go a bit further than dontlookdown and give advice on the first date itself (should you get it), but I wouldn't have a clue unfortunately. Both my first dates weren't supposed to be first dates, they just sorta...became first dates. :P

Emlyn's right though, don't worry too much about it, just go withthe flow and see where you end up. That's all I do and it seems to work ok for me. :P
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Old 05 Mar 2010, 21:30   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is love supposed to feel like this?

I think love is meant to feel like... whenever they are with you, you don't know how you ever lived without them.

Shame I never managed to win over the people I pursue. :P
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Old 05 Mar 2010, 21:34   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is love supposed to feel like this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wargamer
I think love is meant to feel like... whenever they are with you, you don't know how you ever lived without them.

Shame I never managed to win over the people I pursue. :P
Sounds about right to my mind.

In fairness, I don't exactly have much more luck than you do mate. :P
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May the brave be remembered forever. Farewell our friends.
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Originally Posted by Visuality (film)
Oh come on, just because I'm carrying around the joy of killing your family, doesn't mean we still can't be friends.
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Originally Posted by Kara Thrace
Ah, I'm minnie, meaning I'm sexy, badass, and will happily shoot you in the back.

Damn, I hope I don't get quoted calling myself sexy. :funny:
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Old 05 Mar 2010, 21:57   #8 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
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Default Re: Is love supposed to feel like this?

I kinda like emylns response.
Sometimes i feel like it might be easier to be single and without her, but then, i wouldnt want her out of my life cuz shes amazing.
My advice, don't go head over heels for a girl and chase her up. Enjoy being single and a teen.
Dont worry about love, ull know when you are in love, and ur not in love right now, u dont know her.
Its more along the lines of being "fond" of her i suppose.
When i say go with the flow but keep open about everything, i know first hand.
I dated a slut. and i thought i loved her, i almost got myself into a pile of shit. Large, steaming pile

Now Im 20 and i love my girlie, 18. Shes leaving soon, and shes going to be in ohio while im here in england. And about december time, ill be moving to be with her permanently. So ill be leaving my job, my favorite car, and my family. But i wont be happy without her, i already barely see her. We have fights but always make up, and we are always happy together. I guess its how i see love.
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Old 05 Mar 2010, 22:19   #9 (permalink)
Shas'O
 
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Default Re: Is love supposed to feel like this?

Love that's reciprocated is great, love that isn't is shit. But apparently, you're still awaiting an answer, so the feeling in your stomach is entirely understandable, it's a tense "what the **** will happen moment".

Since everyone else is so ****ing positive, I'll step in here. :P
*Note, anything I do or say here is probably best ignored, unless you're seriously emotional, bipolar, or something like that*
Depending on what kind of person you are, and how much you actually 'love' her, I'd be tempted to tell you to retract your offer. Or at least set down some terms before you start. You've got friendship, you don't want to **** that up. Unless you both agree before hand to try to be friends afterwards, there is a very high that you will **** that up. You're 14, my age, the chances of it lasting are the same as the chances of me achieving world domination in the next six months.
Love feels great when reciprocated, but when it dies, it's shitter than shit. Me, being a negative person, do not view the depression as outweighing the love. That is why I advise retracting your offer. But if you're not particularly emotional or something like that, just ignore this because you'll probably feel okay a couple of days after.
My girlfriend dumped me on Thursday, we'd agreed before hand to try to stay friends, so that's okay, but I'd been depressed for ages, until her, and now I'm more depressed than I ever have been. I took a gamble and I lost. The result is shit. With the beauty of hindsight, I wouldn't do it again. The 21 days of happiness do not outweigh the consequences.

Just inputing a lil' bit of much needed negativity here. :P
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Old 06 Mar 2010, 00:05   #10 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
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Default Re: Is love supposed to feel like this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lord of the Pit
Yep, I'm in love again, in a pattern as changeless as the tides. At least this time it's one of my friends, they're my age, and NOT my chemistry teacher! ;D We're on good terms (we talk every lunchtime) and I can make her laugh. We're both fine with belching in public (a good sign in a person, to my experience), and are both unafraid to "go there" with sex jokes. :P

So I casually asked her out the day before yesterday after some advice from her (and my mutual) friends, and so far she hasn't replied (she was hesitating when I asked then we got interrupted, and she asked to talk to me later). That's not surprising, because I haven't seen her in person since then. :P Still, we did talk on facebook, but it was a pretty one-sided conversation. I.e., I told her what I was doing (printing my Personal Project), if she enjoyed her dinner, and then had to go because my Dad was being an dyi again, and all the responses I got were "yep", "lol" and "mhmm" to seperate topics. Oh well. :P

So, to my original question; is love supposed to feel like a near-permanent stomachache, or am I just ill? XD

Anywho, I reckon it's a toss-up 50/50 chance whether or not she'll decide to go out with me. I mean, there aren't any reasons not to apart from her own conscience deciding not to ("I just don't feel like it") to my knowledge.
Love takes a while to build. Sometimes a loooong while, but it does start(and hopefully continue!) with attraction and infatuation. It sounds to me like you're nervous, and that's totally normal. You obviously like her and you hope it will go some where, but you're nervous that it might not and your hopes will be crushed.

I agree with what Emlyn said. Take it slow, take deep breaths. You're young and have a lot to learn. Don't get so caught up in the moment you lose sight of the future and what it might hold.

Love runs much deeper than simply being attracted to someone. Once you get so close you can confide anything in them, and they can confide anything in you, it really begins. It's trusting someone else with everything that you are and they do the same to you. It's a mix of a deep level of trust and care. It's easy to care but it's difficult to trust someone. It's hard to explain, but I'm sure you'll experience it someday. :P

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lord of the Pit
So, to get some productivity out of this topic (apart from other people learning from my mistakes), does anyone have any advice on a first date? Cinema? How to dress? How to get ready? What to do when I'm there? Stuff to talk about?
Going out the movies or a restaurant is always a good start. I think it's very important to be yourself. Be flexible, but don't be fake. Women that are attracted to you when you put on a show aren't worth it. You want one that likes you for who you are. It is completely worth waiting to find the one that does, but don't ignore all the others just to find that one. You might learn something about yourself from one of them and grow.

Dress casually. Not too far from what you normally where. It depends on where you go, some places are more formal than others. I'd recommend spending some time to find a good deodorant/cologne that you like and wearing that.

Again, don't be afraid to be yourself, but start slow. Talk about yourself and your interests, and ask her about hers. Let the conversation branch from there. Don't let one of you dominate the conversation. Don't be afraid to be silly, try to show confidence. Women like confidence.
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