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Old 12 Jul 2005, 21:25   #1 (permalink)
Shas'La
 
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(Note to Jack Bauer: This is not a Black Pyjamas thing, I just felt like writing something.)


A teenage girl sat on the bench in the street, holding a long wooden pole that had writing on it. The writing on it said 'ffats desruc'. A group of hoodlums came up to her. ''Yo (insert name for female dog here), give us all your dough and scram!'' they said. ''She didn't answer. ''HEY! Didn't you hear us?'' WHACK! The girl walloped them with the pole and jumped 10 feet in the air onto a roof. She ran for her life, then jumped down again and into an alley.

''You're late,'' said an old man. ''My apologies, master. I was waylaid by a gang of thugs.'' ''No matter. Come.''



What do you think? I really love writing stuff like this.
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Old 12 Jul 2005, 22:12   #2 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Biovore
The rain fell heavily on the man's hair, but he was not bothered. He liked rain. It gave plants life. The man stood up, and pulled out a long sword that had strange symbols on the blade. it glowed with an unnatural light, like it had its own mind. Some hoodlums walked up to the man. ''Yo guy, give us all your dough!'' ''I don't have any money.'' ''Yeah? Then we're just gonna have to beat you up!'' ''So be it.'' The man raised his sword and the hoodlums stepped back, afraid of the man and his sword. ''O-okay dude, we don't want any trouble- AGH!'' The man had cut them down in a flash. He then walked away.
seem kinda like this one to me
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Old 13 Jul 2005, 16:19   #3 (permalink)
Shas'La
 
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Yeah, about that- the hoodlums threatened the girl first.

I love writing sutff. If you need to hire an author, you know where I am.
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Old 13 Jul 2005, 21:49   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Random Story

I like writing myself. In fact, I like it a lot. Admittedly, it's only fanfics I've ever really wrote, except a couple of orginal stories, but I won first prize in a competition with that one. But still, fact remains, I like writing myself.

[size=1pt]Jack Bauer, Jack Bauer, Jack Bauer, Jack Bauer, Jack Bauer, Jack Bauer, Jack Bauer, Jack Bauer, Jack Bauer, Jack Bauer, Jack Bauer, Jack Bauer, Jack Bauer, Jack Bauer, Jack Bauer, Jack Bauer, Jack Bauer...[/size]

Anyway, joke aside, I feel that it's better to write more than just a paragraph, and it's better to , you know, start from the start, or at least an actual beginning. By that, I mean, rather than this, which seems more like an excerpt,write from the start, or at least describing what's going on, and write for about 500+ words a section at least, because a lot of little posts each with a paragraph makes reading it all a bit too painful and experience for most people to bother.

I think that the ideas have potential, but the basic storyline seems to be samurai/ninja anime stuff, and that's just not my bag, baby. So, you should carry on, in longer bursts, and since spelling/grammar are ok (So you clearly are not a student of Linwood High like I was), the only possible probelm is the stucture, which some people will dislike due to the fact the standard is
"Hi."
"What up?"
as the norm, with
"Here's a dalek," he said. "There's a dalek, and a bleedin' lot of Daleks..." only appearring occasionly.

In short, keep going, and look at other writers for how they set it all out. If you look at fanfiction, it's prbably better to look at a place like caves of narshe (and look at the fic's up on the site, except the one by Del S about Gogo because I don't like that version anymore) or some other place where there are only a few fanfics, becuase 6/10 fanfic writers on places like fanfiction.net don't do the layouts and such too well.

Do you plan on trying your hand at fanfiction, btw?
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Old 14 Jul 2005, 03:27   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Random Story

then a crazed boombox wielding elf named smoochi poo (also the name of a HUGE XV8) came in and busted some phat beats

-eddie
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Old 15 Jul 2005, 00:35   #6 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
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dude do you like the word smoochi poo or something :P

and did that have any thing to do with this topic ?
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Old 15 Jul 2005, 18:06   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Random Story

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack Bauer
Do you plan on trying your hand at fanfiction, btw?
Yeah, if I can make up a deep enough story and enough characters.
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Old 15 Jul 2005, 19:22   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Random Story

I made a few on Fanfiction. Gave up, cuz I weren't gettin enough reviews.
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Old 15 Jul 2005, 23:33   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Random Story

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kangaroo Joe
I made a few on Fanfiction. Gave up, cuz I weren't gettin enough reviews.
Link please...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Biovore
Yeah, if I can make up a deep enough story and enough characters.
Some of the best stories aren't that deep, and only have a few characters. Whatever floats your boat though: you might find a short stroy isn't for you.
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Old 16 Jul 2005, 17:20   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Random Story

http://www.fanfiction.net/~kangaroojoe
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