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Sings that prove I'm an alien hybrid
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Old 07 Mar 2009, 00:07   #1 (permalink)
Shas'Vre
 
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Default Sings that prove I'm an alien hybrid

[joking self mockery]

OK - youve heard of alien hybrids? No, not just genetic experiments, but those agents of Aliens that look human, but are only vat-grown human only in so much as to survive our planets biosphere of contagions and viruses- with human evolved immune systems? Well, if youve never heard of that sillyness, now you have.

There are several curious 'design flaws' with my personal phisiology that make me think I could be a "ver.085" prototype, living unknowingly here on mother earth. I'll try to describe these oddities without resorting to drawings or pictures.

First off- my face if half forehead. Do this with your own face: with mouth shut, put your thumb on the lower edge of your chin, and your index finger on the bridge of your nose-between the eyes... now, holding that measurement between your fingers- move your thumb up to the bridge of your nose, and note where your finger ends up. On most, its up in the air, right? On ME.. that is my hairline- and no I'm not going bald. Yup, folks! If you took a shadow outline of my facial area.. all my facial features are in the lower half- and the top half is ALL forehead!

Next.. My butt-crack. Youll just have to take my word for it, I'm NOT going to take a picture of it for science! Way up high, where the typical plumbers' crack could be seen with sagging jeans... there is a break in the crack.. like to say- the plumber crack starts.. then is blocked by this THING, then continues on to the business end. This 'thing' is a horzontal bar of something.. meat-muscle-bone-whatever- that bridges the butt crack much like a bridge crosses a valley. I would normally think thats just my butt clentch muscle.. but then why have the crack above it?? Its like a reverse super-innie bellybutton pit back there- maybe that where the Vat grown matrix-style umbilical went? :P

Finally, my toenails. they are NOT like my fingernails- and are 'defectively designed'- in that they can only give me ingrown toenails. While my thumbnail on my hands is a gentle curve seen edge on like ) , my toenails have a near 180 degree scroll curl on the sides- like (____)- those curls of ) digging deep into the meat of my toes as the toenail grows out. If I stupidly tear the tip of the toenails off, like I nervously do my fingernails- the way that the nail tears results in a sharp spike/thorn at the deepest part.. so now instead of an intruding toenail, I now have an intruding toenail SPIKE deep down and out of sight that now punctures and infects the sides of my toes as it continues to grow. If left to grow, which I have painfully prevented my entire life- the spikes would emerge from the front of my toes- about halfway DOWN the front face of the tips. yeah.. ouch! dont ask how I dig those spikes out... ever few months or so. :-\

And one further post note: one common theme of my remembered dreams is where I blather on and on about things I know, or recently learned. Why I would dream of me dictating about things I already know is beyone me- but the common theme is that there is always this OTHER person who is listening... sometimes a girl I know, sometimes a devil, sometimes a genie, sometimes a talking dog.. whatever... but there I am TELLING.. and there is always someone there LISTENING.

WEIRD huh? Its like I'm just not quite designed right, isn't it?

Now that I have revealed this, I expect the Men In Black to come kick the door down any day now!! ;D
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Old 07 Mar 2009, 00:41   #2 (permalink)
Shas'O
 
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Default Re: Sings that prove I'm an alien hybrid

No, you're just weird.
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Old 07 Mar 2009, 03:50   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sings that prove I'm an alien hybrid

That is some oddball stuff Calaban. Most of the oddball stuff about me is in the brain. If I'm some kind of alien hybrid my brain must be a prototype model. Just ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you I've got a few wires loose up there.

Physically there are a few standout bits of weirdness.

1) My Thumbs. I bet that most people reading this cannot move the middle digit of their thumb in both directions. It's kinda hard to explain without actually showing it (even then people don't usually get it until they realize they can't), but essentially my thumb moves in a way that most people's simply cannot.

2) My Tearducts. I believe that I possess a 2 way tearduct. What the hell is that? Well, does anyone remember that old Guiness Book of Records show where the guy shot milk out his eye? If I'm right about this I could probably do that if I really wanted to. Unfortunately this one can prove quite problematic. See, when I blow my nose, should I be stuffed up badly enough the mucus will often decide that it's easier to come out my eye. Needless to say, this leaves me quite vulnerable to eye infections.

3) Shark Teeth. When I was young and I started to lose my baby teeth the replacements did not simply come up from below. They actually came up a good deal behind the originals and moved forward once their predecessors had fallen out. At one point I nearly had a second row of my frontal teeth.
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Old 07 Mar 2009, 06:17   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sings that prove I'm an alien hybrid

Erm, I'm not so much an alien hybred as a genetic mutant. :-\

1) Left handed. No other member of my family (that I know of) is left hand dominant.

2) Deformed vertibrae. Due to an amusing DNA cock up (see: mutation), one of my vertibrae is deformed and weakened, preventing me from doing any prolonged heavy manual labour. Theres a bunch of exercises I don't do that are meant to strengthen it.

3) Double jointed fingers. If not double jointed then I don't know what to call them, but every finger on each hand can bend ONLY the top joint and kinda reverse the other one. Try this, its quite hard to do.

4) Theres also my having the wit, charm and positive attitude of a morbidly depressed lemming, but that can just be dismissed as teenage angst. :P
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Old 07 Mar 2009, 06:37   #5 (permalink)
Shas'Ui
 
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Default Re: Sings that prove I'm an alien hybrid

other then being ambidextrous, being able to pop and crack both my wrists out, and make me toes move side ways as if there are poping out as well on my right foot....im normalish looking :P

maybe you should donate yourself to science, sure the wires coming out all over your body doesnt sound so appealing... :P
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Old 07 Mar 2009, 13:01   #6 (permalink)
Shas'O
 
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Default Re: Sings that prove I'm an alien hybrid

Dude, your completly normal. EVERYbodies face is half forehead, you don't normally notice because people have hair that covers it. Ask any art teacher, they will coroborate that fact.

The bone in your but crack is the remains of our old monkey tail.

...and many people have in growing toenails, it's a result of wearing tight shoes/socks or simply that that's the way your body grows them.

Gen
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Old 07 Mar 2009, 18:45   #7 (permalink)
Shas'Vre
 
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Default Re: Sings that prove I'm an alien hybrid

Quote:
Originally Posted by Droids_Rule
No, you're just weird.
Seconded. Sorry if thats not as dramatic as the alien theory. :P


This is going to sound smug, (it's supposed to) but I'm actually rather attractive.
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Old 07 Mar 2009, 20:43   #8 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
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Default Re: Sings that prove I'm an alien hybrid

Quote:
Originally Posted by Genmotty
Dude, your completly normal. EVERYbodies face is half forehead, you don't normally notice because people have hair that covers it. Ask any art teacher, they will coroborate that fact.

The bone in your but crack is the remains of our old monkey tail.

...and many people have in growing toenails, it's a result of wearing tight shoes/socks or simply that that's the way your body grows them.

Gen
Huh, ruin all our fun why don't you?

:P
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Old 07 Mar 2009, 21:45   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sings that prove I'm an alien hybrid

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fish Ead
That is some oddball stuff Calaban. Most of the oddball stuff about me is in the brain. If I'm some kind of alien hybrid my brain must be a prototype model. Just ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you I've got a few wires loose up there.

Physically there are a few standout bits of weirdness.

1) My Thumbs. I bet that most people reading this cannot move the middle digit of their thumb in both directions. It's kinda hard to explain without actually showing it (even then people don't usually get it until they realize they can't), but essentially my thumb moves in a way that most people's simply cannot.

2) My Tearducts. I believe that I possess a 2 way tearduct. What the hell is that? Well, does anyone remember that old Guiness Book of Records show where the guy shot milk out his eye? If I'm right about this I could probably do that if I really wanted to. Unfortunately this one can prove quite problematic. See, when I blow my nose, should I be stuffed up badly enough the mucus will often decide that it's easier to come out my eye. Needless to say, this leaves me quite vulnerable to eye infections.

3) Shark Teeth. When I was young and I started to lose my baby teeth the replacements did not simply come up from below. They actually came up a good deal behind the originals and moved forward once their predecessors had fallen out. At one point I nearly had a second row of my frontal teeth.
Dude.
Your wicked cool.

I can also do the double jointed finger thing on my left hand walrus man.
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Old 07 Mar 2009, 21:49   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sings that prove I'm an alien hybrid

Quote:
Originally Posted by Calaban
Sings that prove I'm an alien hybrid
Why does your singing prove you are an Alien??? Unless you are and Illegal immigant. :P
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