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WIP Script for my drama club
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Old 28 Feb 2009, 13:21   #1 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: England
Posts: 2,292
Default WIP Script for my drama club

We're going to do a performance, this is what I have of the script so far... enjoy

Note the actual script has italics and bold for different things to format it better, this is just copied and pasted so that's lost.. sorry. But it kind of makes sense anyway.... well the story doesn't but y'know..... ;D

[hr]

THE EXTRAORDINARY CASE OF THE MISSING BEARD aka BOB’S BEARD

Written by Robert, Dominic AND the brother that wears red uniform, performed by some of us strange people but we haven’t actually decided exactly who yet so there wasn’t really any point mentioning this, was there… ?


Main Cast:
- Narrator “NAR”
- Bob the Gnome Of The Garden Variety “BOB”
- Constable Suds the dwarf cop “SUD”
- The Evil barber “EBR”
- The Magical AND Wise AND Ever So Good AND Overall Really Rather Nice Leprechaun “LEP”
- Scrutiny, (who is the Leprechauns fairy niece) “SCR”

Other cast:
- Other dwarf cops [2] “ODCs” AND one Chief Inspector “CIN”
- Other gnomes of the garden variety (end sequence) [2] “OGGs”
- War fairies (good AND bad) [4/6/8/ Even numbers] “GWFs” or” BWFs”

Costumes:
- All gnomes wear a green/red top AND bottoms
- All dwarves wear dark blue/police uniforms
- Leprechaun wears black
- War fairies wear light blue or yellow depending on side

Very important props (others that are less important are just mentioned at the beginning of a scene):
- Magic Snow Globe Of Power 5000
- Bald patch for Constable Suds
- Some form of makeshift desk (a large cardboard box perhaps)
- Bottles of “Super Hair Growth Formula”
- Hats!
- Massive silly afro for Constable Suds (for the ending)
- More Hats!
- AND about a dozen chairs for different things





ACT THE FIRST

Cast in this act:
NAR (Narrator),
BOB (Bob the gnome of the garden variety),
SUD (Dwarf Constable Suds),
EBR (Evil Barber),
CIN (Chief Inspector)

[Scene 1]
On-stage: NARRATOR st ANDing on stage right,
BOB st ANDing centre stage,
Sleeping bag AND Alarm clock.

NARRATOR: Act the first. Hallo there, folks. This is bob (points at bob).

BOB: (Stupidly) Hi!

NARRATOR: Bob is a Gnome, Of The Garden Variety (talks as if this is a very special AND important point to make)

BOB: (Stupidly) Hi!

NARRATOR: As you should know, all Gnomes Of The Garden Variety have Fantastic Beards… but one morning, Bob wakes up…(Bob looks blankly at Narrator)…I said, bob wakes up… (pause) from being asleep… (wink or similar hint)

BOB: (Promptly falls asleep, falling on top of the sleeping bag)

NARRATOR: ……wakes up!

BOB: (Wakes up, stretches AND yawns)

NARRATOR: AND looks in the mirror, (Bob does so) only to discover that his Fantastic Beard has gone!

BOB: (Screaming) Argh! My Fantastic Beard, an important social status for a Gnome Of The Garden Variety! - Is gone!

NARRATOR: (Sympathetically)Bob looked everywhere… (With feeling) Even in his special fishing box!

BOB: (Wailing) Nooo! (With attitude) I will have go to the police about this!!

(EXIT: BOB AND NARRATOR)
(Lights down – scene change)
(Sleeping bag, alarm clock removed)
(A makeshift desk or is placed near stage left, AND there are lots of chairs at the back of the stage)
(NARRATOR, SUD AND CIN come on AND take positions)
(Lights up – new scene)


[Scene 2]
On-stage: NARRATOR st ANDing far stage right,
SUD at makeshift desk stage left drawing on his bald head,
CIN doing funny things with the chairs at back of stage, such as r ANDomly changing place

(ENTER: BOB)

NARRATOR: Bob the Gnome Of The Garden Variety arrived at the Dwarves’ police station.

CONSTABLE SUDS: (Panicking!) Who are you? What are you doing here? Why are you spying on me drawing hair on my head? Who-

BOB: (Having not noticed that suds is bald or that he is attempting to draw hair on himself) What?

CONSTABLE SUDS: Ummm…. Never mind. (Sweetly) What can I do for you?

BOB: (With feeling) My Fantastic Beard, an important social status for a Gnome Of The Garden Variety! - Is gone!

CONSTABLE SUDS: Ah. Anything else?

BOB: This is very important, constable.

CONSTABLE SUDS: (Clearly not interested) talk to the chief inspector… or something…

CIN: (Walking up to Bob) Ello ello ello! Evening all! What’s all this then? (Looks bob up AND down, mainly up because the CIN is very short) Look’ere, young fellar-me-lad… what’s up chuck?

BOB: (Thrown by the CINs ridiculous babble)… I’m here to report a missing Fantastic Beard, an important social status for a Gnome Of The Garden Variety.

CIN: Ah! Well, I’d love to help but my boys are very busy playing musical chairs.

BOB: Oh.

CONSTABLE SUDS: (Sudden change of personality) Can I play?

BOB: (Like an angry hobbit) You can help me look for my beard, if that’s what you mean!

CONSTABLE SUDS: Maybe we should start by checking out the Barbara! She likes removing beards!

BOB: Eh?

CONSTABLE SUDS: The Barbara that cuts your hair!

BOB: Oh, you mean a barber.

CONSTABLE SUDS: That’s what he is.

BOB: He? I thought you said The Barber was a She?

CONSTABLE SUDS: (Intelligently) Ah, already our inquisitive AND highly evolved minds are working as one…

BOB: (Aside to audience) I sincerely hope not.

CONSTABLE SUDS: (Like a hyperactive puppy that has had far too much coffee) Let’s go talk to the Barbara!

(EXIT: BOB AND SUD)

NARRATOR: So the clinically depressed Constable Suds joined Bob the Gnome Of The Garden Variety who was missing his Fantastic Beard as they went to see the Barber who cuts your hair.

(EXIT: NARRATOR)

(Lights down – scene change)
(Desk AND chairs removed)
(Desk is placed at the back with comb, scissors AND hairbrush on it. There are a few chairs around the desk AND one front of centre stage. Underneath the central chair there are some bottles of hair growth formula.)
(EBR AND comes AND takes position)
(Lights up – new scene)





[Scene 3]
On-stage:
Barber’s box with haircutting tools back of centre stage,
EBR centre stage, sitting on central chair, reading a magazine

(ENTER: BOB AND SUD, followed by NARRATOR, who is out of breath from running to catch up. NARRATOR takes up normal position stage left, BOB AND SUD go up to EBR)

THE EVIL BARBER (In a voice like a nasty horrid man being force-fed an especially large fungi) What can I do for you?

BOB: (Accusingly) Where’s my beard!?

THE EVIL BARBER (Confused) You have a beard?

BOB: !!! (Interrupted by SUD)

CONSTABLE SUDS: Hello Barbara!

THE EVIL BARBER (Rolls eyes AND puts on an “oh great” facial expression) Hello, constable…

CONSTABLE SUDS: Can you give this Gnome Of The… (what was it)… oh, Of The Swampy Old Trousers Variety a new beard?

BOB: (!!!!!) I’m a Gnome Of The GARDEN Variety, AND I want my old Fantastic Beard!

THE EVIL BARBER Ah… (very worried) can’t help you there… ahem…constable… but you can have some hair growth formula…. For a small… ahem… fee?

CONSTABLE SUDS: Alrighty. (Gives EBR lots AND lots of monopoly money then drags an indignant Bob away)

NARRATOR: But as they were leaving, they overhead the barber talking to his Grey Himalayan Porcupine

BOB: (To Narrator) what’s a Grey Himalayan Porcupine?

NARRATOR: No idea -- I didn’t write this play.

BOB: Oh. (Walks away)

THE EVIL BARBER (Talking to an imaginary Grey Himalayan Porcupine which is off-stage) We’ve nearly been found out, my little prickly toilet brush, we’ll have to get rid of that incriminating evidence of the many stolen hair-related items!

(Pause, as neither Bob nor Suds actually heard this)

NARRATOR: (Loudly, to bob AND suds), He said, they have incriminating evidence of the many stolen hair-related items!

(Bob AND suds still haven’t heard)

(EXIT: BOB AND SUD)

(Offstage) CONSTABLE SUDS: (to Bob) looks like you’ll never get your beard back…

NARRATOR: I give up!

(EXIT: NARRATOR)

(ENTER: BOB)

THE EVIL BARBER (Having supposedly not noticed Bob at all) … Ahem… that’s right my little prickly toilet brush, we’ll have to get rid of that incriminating evidence of the many stolen hair-related items!

BOB: (Gasps loudly) Gosh! (Patronising the audience) Oh what, oh what will happen next?

(EXIT: BOB)

(Lights down – scene change)
(All props removed)
(NARRATOR AND BOB appear on area #2)



[Area two is not on the stage, but is in full view of the audience – it is another place where some of the play can be acted nearer the audeience. Area #2 could be to one side, or in the middle, but the actors/actresses should be able to interact with the audience when appropriate]

[Transition scene]

(ENTER: BOB AND SUD)

BOB: Did you hear what the Barber said?

CONSTABLE SUDS: You mean Barbara?

BOB: This is no time to be silly.

SHOUT FROM OFF STAGE: Yeah!

CONSTABLE SUDS: Sorry. But why do you think the Barber has stolen hair-related items.

BOB: Maybe he’s researching them for his new hair growth formula.

CONSTABLE SUDS: How powerful is this stuff, anyway? (Notices an imaginary bird off-stage) Hey! Here birdie! Have a little drop of this! (Unscrews bottle AND goes offstage momentarily to give the bird a tiny drop of the potion.)

(A giant afro is then thrown across the stage, representing an exceptionally hairy birdie.)

BOB: Quite powerful.

CONSTABLE SUDS: AND that was just a little drop! (Gasps AND looks at bottle label) “incapable of re- growing Fantastic Beards as normal on Gnomes Of The Garden Variety, however this liquid is perfectly capable of being used by an evil barber to take over the world AND to get h ANDsome income from the amount of work” Gosh!!!

BOB: Oh, bums. I think I’ll have to forget my Fantastic Beard, a symbol of social status for Gnomes Of The Garden Variety AND choose instead to save the world.

CONSTABLE SUDS: Or you could just move to Siberia, grow a new beard AND spend the rest of your life eating lumpy lukewarm rice pudding…. Mmmmmmm.

BOB: … let’s go AND save the world.

CONSTABLE SUDS: (Sarcastically) Whoopee.

(EXIT: BOB AND SUD)




































ACT THE SECOND

Cast in this act: NARRATOR (Narratorrator),
(Bob the gnome of the garden variety),
Dwarf Constable Suds),
Evil Barber),
The Magical AND Wise AND Ever So Good AND Overall Really Rather Nice Leprechaun)
Scrutiny who is the Leprechauns fairy niece)
Chief inspector)
Other dwarf cops)
Other Garden Gnomes)
Good War Fairies)
Bad War Fairies)
[


[Scene 1]
No props on stage at beginning.

(ENTER: NARRATOR who goes to normal stage right AND watches)

NARRATOR: Avarst me hearties! Ahem. Time for act the second!

(ENTER: BOB following SUD)

BOB: Where are you going?

CONSTABLE SUDS: We need to find the Magical AND Wise AND Ever So Good AND Overall Really Rather Nice Leprechaun

BOB: The who?

CONSTABLE SUDS: You heard. The Magical AND Wise AND Ever So Good AND Overall Really…

BOB: Yes, yes, alright I get the picture

(A big, scary, booming, vaguely Irish voice sounds from off-stage)

THE MAGICAL AND WISE AND SO ON LEPRECHAUN BUT DO YOU?!?!?!

BOB: Eh?

(There could be a huge cloud of smoke at this point, if not, then LEP can enter in a shadowy cloak AND then throw it aside dramatically)

THE MAGICAL AND WISE AND SO ON LEPRECHAUN (Without any feeling) Boo.

CONSTABLE SUDS: Are you The Magical AND Wise AND Ever So Good AND Overall Really Rather Nice Leprechaun?

THE MAGICAL AND WISE AND SO ON LEPRECHAUN (Mysteriously) I am……. Yes.

CONSTABLE SUDS: You are….. yes. What does that mean?

BOB: (To suds) He means yes he is The Magical AND Wise AND Ever So Good AND Overall Really Rather Nice Leprechaun.

CONSTABLE SUDS: Oh, all righty then.

THE MAGICAL AND WISE AND SO ON LEPRECHAUN (without any feeling) What do you want?

(Lights down, Bob mimes telling his story to The Magical AND Wise AND Ever So Good AND Overall Really Rather Nice Leprechaun)

NARRATOR: So as Bob the Gnome Of The Garden Variety who was missing his Fantastic Beard told the Magical AND Wise AND Ever So Good AND Overall Really Rather Nice Leprechaun about their… (dramatically) their fast-paced story of woe, mystery AND torment… (anti-climax ending of speech) we decided just to skip it AND save time.
(Lights back up)

THE MAGICAL AND WISE AND SO ON LEPRECHAUN I’d love to help, but my niece, Scrutiny, is away with the fairies.

BOB: What do you mean?

THE MAGICAL AND WISE AND SO ON LEPRECHAUN I mean she’s fighting an inter-continental war between two armies of fairies. We’re the goodies y’know.

CONSTABLE SUDS: Why don’t you just say what you mean?

THE MAGICAL AND WISE AND SO ON LEPRECHAUN Ooh look, here they are now.

(ENTER Scrutiny SCR AND 3 Good War Fairies, chased by 3 Bad War Fairies. They are all carrying an assortment of dangerous looking pencil cases, mp3 players AND tissue boxes.)

SCRUTINY Greetings uncle, I regret to say that the bad fairies have defeated most of us AND we’re retreating to here. Hope you don’t mind…. Got any pizza? I’m starving!

BAD FAIRIES: Prepare to be conquered! We will be victorious!

GOOD FAIRY: Not if I have anything to do with it!

BAD FAIRY: On guard!
(Fairies duel)

CONSTABLE SUDS: Can’t you just end this, oh Magical AND Wise AND Ever So Good AND Overall Really Rather Nice Leprechaun.

THE MAGICAL AND WISE AND SO ON LEPRECHAUN: I suppose so. Here, Bob, oh Gnome Of The Garden Variety, take this Magic Snow Globe Of Power 5000 AND end this conflict!

BOB: (Takes it but doesn’t know what to do) How, exactly?

THE MAGICAL AND WISE AND SO ON LEPRECHAUN Shake it AND any bad fairies will faint. Touch an evil human with it AND they shall be trapped inside forever.

BOB: (Shrugs) If you say so. (Shakes the Magic Snow Globe Of Power 5000)

(All BWFs faint.)

SCRUTINY Yay! One for all, AND all for pizza!

CONSTABLE SUDS: Let’s go find Barbara!

BOB: (Aside to audience) Does he annoy you, too?

(Lights down)


[Scene 2]
Barber’s box with haircutting tools back of centre stage,
EBR centre stage, sitting on central chair, bending over a dangerous-looking assortment of cardboard boxes AND tubes.

(ENTER: NARRATOR, BOB AND SUD)

CONSTABLE SUDS: (Loudly) Look out! He’s playing with a cardboard chemistry set!

BOB: (To Suds) You idiot!

THE EVIL BARBER Oh, hi!

NARRATOR: They know everything, Barbara.

THE EVIL BARBER MY…NAME…IS…NOT…BARBARA!!! (Goes mad AND forces them into a corner)

BOB: Have a snow globe, mate (touches EBR with the snow globe)

THE EVIL BARBER Oh, thanks …. What? (lights down momentarily as EBR *disappears* i.e, goes off stage very quickly).

(Lights go back on)

CONSTABLE SUDS: Hurrah!

NARRATOR: Look, there’s his sack of stolen hair!

CONSTABLE SUDS: We’d better be careful in case of the Grey Himalayan Porcupine!

BOB: Oh look, it’s a kitten.

CONSTABLE SUDS: Oh, I love kittens! Hey look, it was guarding a massive sack of hair!

BOB: That’s my beard in there! (Removes beard from the sack. It is about 5 feet long)

CONSTABLE SUDS: My hair! (Removes a massive afro from the sack)

NARRATOR: My my my! Look at the time, I guess this is the end.

(ENTER: All cast in their favourite out of the characters they played)

The End.

EDIT: Abbreviations for a character speaking dialogue are replaced with full names... but all "and"s have been put into capital letters. Sorry about that...
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Old 28 Feb 2009, 22:21   #2 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,193
Default Re: WIP Script for my drama club

Well, anything that makes me giggle pointlessly for 5 minutes has got to be good. :P Nice script writing there mate.
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Old 28 Feb 2009, 22:24   #3 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
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Location: England
Posts: 2,292
Default Re: WIP Script for my drama club

5 WHOLE minutes? I'll have to put that in my CV!
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Old 01 Mar 2009, 17:02   #4 (permalink)
Ethereal
 
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Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 16,024
Default Re: WIP Script for my drama club

It is a little hard to follow with all the abbreviated names. Perhaps do a simple word replace before posting with all the proper names would help readability?
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