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Old 19 Apr 2007, 12:18   #1 (permalink)
Shas'Ui
 
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Default jokes

anyone here have any recent funny jokes?
please post them here ;D
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Old 19 Apr 2007, 14:39   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: jokes

Jesus moses and an old man are golfing Jesus hits the ball and it goes into the water hazard he walks onto the water and plays through. Moses hits the same water trap parts the water and plays through then the old man hts the ball and slices it but a pigeion picks it up mid flight and drops it in the hole moses turns to jesus and says. "I hate playing with your dad"
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Old 19 Apr 2007, 16:37   #3 (permalink)
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There are six people in a plane. The pilot, the president, the president's wife, the smartest kid in the world, a boy-scout, and an old man. The pilot's voice crackles over the comm ++Sorry guys, we're gonna crash! Only 5 parachutes, so you can fight over 'em!++ With this, he took a parachute, and jumped out of the plane. The president looks wildly around and says "Who will rule without me?!" With this, he took a parachute and jumped off the plane. The president's wife watches him fly and says "Who will caress him when he's down?!" and with that, she takes a parachute, and jumps out of the plane. The smartest kid in the world looks at the other two people, thinks a bit, and says: "Who will know everything without me?!" He takes a parachute, and jumps off the plane. The old man looks at the boyscout and says: "Well son, you're too young to die, so you can take the last parachute." The boy-scout laughs, and says "You don't have to die sir, the smart-ass took my back-pack!"

Hehe...
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Old 19 Apr 2007, 18:17   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: jokes

A guy walks into a bar and passes out.
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Old 20 Apr 2007, 06:56   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: jokes

That joke is so stale. XD
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Old 20 Apr 2007, 09:28   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: jokes

An englishman, irishman and scotsman are walking down the road.
The englishman and the irishman walk into a bar.
The scotsman ducks.

[hr]

A: Hey mate, wanna cheap car?
B: what's wrong with it?
A: just a little water damage...
B: how much?
A: oh, 5 bucks should cover it.
B: So when can I get it?
A: As soon as they drain the harbour...
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Old 21 Apr 2007, 11:00   #7 (permalink)
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'A blonde, a Brunette, and a man are stood in an alevator, The blonde and Brunette notice that the man had dandruff on his collar, but were both too nice to say anything to him. As soon as the man got out of the alevator, the brunette turned around to the blonde, and said "Woah, did you see his dandruff? Someone needs to give him some head and shoulders!" The blonde replied "How do you give shoulders?" '
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Old 21 Apr 2007, 11:14   #8 (permalink)
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There was a blonde who was taking her kids to Disney Land. When they were about half way there, the blonde say a sign that said "Disney Land Left," so the blonde turned back around and went home.
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Old 21 Apr 2007, 11:22   #9 (permalink)
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Heh, I usually don't like dumb blonde jokes, but I found one TOO funny to leave out...

If a blonde and a brunette are in a race to fall off a cliff, who will fall first? The brunette, 'cause the blonde needed directions! That's so mean though...
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Old 21 Apr 2007, 15:21   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: jokes

Well most jokes I know are really racist or sick, thanks to the people at my school :, but I'll give a few.

A carpenter, an army seargent, and a baseball player are all flying in a helicopter. The carpenter says he wants somebody to have a tool to help them become a carpenter, so he throws a hammer out the helicopter. Following suit, the baseball player tosses out a baseball, and finally the seargent throws a grenade out.

When they land the carpenter sees a boy crying and asks why he's crying, he says I just got hit in the head with a hammer.

The baseball player sees a girl crying and asks why she's crying, and she says that she got hit in the head with a baseball.

The seargent sees a boy laughing hysterically and asks what is so funny, and the boy says, "I farted and the house blew up."



A man went to a grocery store to buy some cat litter, but the store clerk wouldn't let him buy the litter without his cat present. The next day he went to buy some dogfood, but they turned him down because his dog wasn't present. The next day he brought in a sack and the store clerk asked whats in it and he told him to stick his hand in and feel it. The clerk says, "Hmm, its warm and moist". Then the man smiled and said, "I'd like to buy some toilet paper".

This joke is similar to my first one

George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Al Gore are all in a helicopter together. George Bush wants to help somebody out so he throws a $20 bill out the window. Al Gore also wants to help someone out so he throws a $20 bill out the window. Bill Clinton wants to help EVERYBODY out so he throws George Bush out the window.
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