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The 40k Games!
Old 07 Feb 2007, 23:47   #1 (permalink)
lonely tau
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Default The 40k Games!

Well, Farseer Tyross and I have been P.M.ing each other for a while, and as you may have expected, something awesome came to us sooner or later. We both agreed to post it when we hit the limit, and we just did this a while ago ;D

So with all due haste, I present to you: the 40k Games, as narrated by Farseer Tyross and Lonely Tau!

FT: Ok.. Begins waiting *looks at watch...*

LT: *cheering GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!*

FT: *continues looking at watch*

LT: *And we are still here at the beggining stretch of the TO watch looking Olympics, this is the final round...and everyone is watching...*

FT: In a minute, we'll see a dramatic turn of events which will turn the world of Olympic Watch Watching on it's head, we'll see a change in tactics from one of the contests.Oh and here it goes, Mister Berserker from the Eye of Terror has got bored and started smashing other people's watches so they can't watch them. He's already smashed Mister Techmarine's Watch from the Blood Angels Chapter (Baal team), but the Techmarine is currently fixing it as we watch the Watch Watching spetacle

LT: In response to this, the Tau team has set off an EMP bomb to go off in 1 minute....

FT: With this new turn of events, the Berserkers starts to smile. As he is the only one with a Timex 1,000 watch, which he bought before the Horus Heresy. Now it is the only mechanical watch in existence!

LT: Damn, there is a curveball for everyone! The Tau and Eldar teams are frantically adjusting and fixing their watches, while the techpriests are chanting to theirs...

FT: Good one wasn't it? And with the chanting, the feral Imperial Guardsman from Sum'Planet are making a sundial. Within seconds they'll have a fully working sundial!

LT: yes, that was a great curveball indeed FT! Oh my god, look! Orbital Bombardment, The Inquisition doesn't look like they like this competition much!

FT: Oh, no, the orbital bombard competition hasn't begun yet! They'll be disqualified if they keep this up! And with this bombshell, we take you to the Khorne follower Skull Taking Competition. Here we have Kharne the Betrayer taking skulls for the Eye of Terror team. In this round, he'll be taking the skulls from Eldar Guardians against his arch rival, Mephiston of the Blood Angels. Over to my co-anchor for the summary of today's games...

LT: Thank you Farseer. First of all, what a lovely day it is for taking skulls in the name of Khorne or the Emperor, and what a battle we have going on down there! It looks as though Mephiston is just behind Kharne and...whats this? Kharne has just smacked Mephiston straight in the face! The Eye of Terror team will get a penalty for that move... back to you FT

FT: And it is indeed a penalty! The referee is trying to instill some sense into the Berserker and is having no luck! Oh, my god, the Berserker has started a fight with our special guest referee, Wargamer! And now we have Kharne's manager stepping out onto the court. By the looks of it, he has a berserker glaive! Is this day going to turn into a blood bath?

LT: ooohhh Things are getting bloody Farseer, and I have a feeling that things are going to get even more so. They are letting all of the Forces of Chaos onto the field now! Ouch! They have not one, nor two, but all four Greater Demons on the field, sorrounded by the little guys too! Oh boy is this going to be a fight-night to remember!

FT: Indeed, I wonder if they'll ever be a fight like this ever again... And the bookies are taking bets as we speak. Place your bets folks, because they'll never be another fight like this before... Which side are you betting on? co-speaker

LT: Normally I would be siding with the Imperium in a fight, with all those guardsmen and such. However, it looks right now as though the forces of Chaos are having a breakthrough that we haven't seen since the Eye of Terror campaigns so far back. and we all know how those ended, don't we?

FT: Well, for once I think your right, since Abaddon himself has just shown up on the field! Now he's about, the Chaos will lose this fight for certain! Damned Abaddon... And now we have Javelin throwing contest just starting...First up is the heavy weights... Wraithlord Gioran of Craftworld Iyendan is throwing against BJorn the Fell Handed in the first match.

LT: Oh boy is this going to get really bloody really quick! How can they just get those guardsmen to stand there? It's not like they're doing this for the Emperor or something...are they?

FT: They must be paid with their lives although next match is looking really hopeful. Carnifex from one of the Splinter fleets against...

LT: A squad of Wyches with the "+1 Strength" Combat drug, and a Succubus with an agonizer! oh boy is this one going to be a mix of funny and awesome!

FT: And the Dark Eldar will be fighting against a new opponent in an unschedualed bout. They will be facing off against the Carnifex and Urlan, the Mad, of the World Eaters in our javalin throwing competition.

LT: Oh man, with him on the field the Dark Ones may not be able to get through this particular challenge without some help! Oh wait, here it comes in the form of a Ravager! They're opening fire all over the place. And now Berzerkers are running to the field, looks like it is going to be another blood bath!

FT: And now we're back to the Watch Watching competion. It seems the virus torpedo leveled the entire playing field and killed the entire audience in this part of the world... Shame they bought their torpedoes at the everything's a pound shop, because we'd be dead by now! Oh, well, you get what you pay for I suppose.Now onto the Tank fixing spectacle. Her we have Techmarine Osus of the Dark Angels Chapter fixing his Rhino. Tech Priest Mino is fixing his servitor which I believe is against the rules... Oh now, it looks like he's going to be disqualified for using a multi-melta on the servitor to melt the other tanks to sag.And here comes a new contestant... Guardian Ul'traiopn of the is trying to fix his Wave Serpent...

LT: Yes, the Watch watching contest was just getting interesting too! Oh well, silly imperium!And now the favorite of most people, the Tank Fixing competition! I do believe we have a couple of Fire Warriors entering their Piranhas...shouldn't the Fio be working on those, Farseer?

FT: Yes it should be... And now we've just got an annoucement that Howling Banshee from the Iyanden has been disqualified in the singing contest for having lack of lyrical talent... And our next contestant in that competition will be Urgash, from the Emperor's Children Legion rapping "Will the Real Slim Primarch Please Stand Up."

LT: ooh, Rap, I thought this had to do with music! Anyways, after him...it.. will be a young Shas whom we haven't encountered yet singing the Tau Empire anthem, oh boy will this get a giant uproar from the Tau part of the crowd. And over in the glaidatorial Arena right now, it would seem as though a Carnifex has been taken down, but the Wyches are still in perfect health, we haven't seen this in years! What do you reckon they'll send next?

FT: I reckon it'll be a C'Tan next... Perhaps even the Niightbringer! We'll need to ensure we are wearing our anti-C'Tan death ray armour to ensure we don't get killed along with the Wyches. Whats your bet on the next match?

LT: I'm favouring the Wyches on this one, I mean, I haven't seen this degree of skill for a very long time. Maybe they will becoem the new Champions? Just in case though...where did my Death Ray armor go?

FT: Pulls cloak over FT, hiding LT's Death Ray armour* I, I don't know... Honest *pretends to know nothing about it*And here comes the first death way! *A bright shimmer blue orb protects LT and me from the death way* Damn it! My rune armour protected him! And before I transgress any more... We have the 800 meter sprint!In our line up, we have Techmarine Vosh of the Dark Angels, we have Blood Angel Death Company Marine Gunthor, and we have Fenrar the Enraged from the World Eater Legion. To make this contest even more entertaining, we've placed something at the other end of the race course to give them an added edge. For the Dark Angels, we have one of the Fallen! For the World Eater, we have a freshly taken Skull! and for the Blood Angel, we have a stolen, yes stolen, Red Grail!

LT: Oh boy, this Dash is going to be an awesome challenge! I can't wait to see he whole thing. Any idea if they took away their weapons, or are we just assuming they did?And now, the paintball fights, oh boy should this be interesting! we have the Tau, the Eldar, Chaos Marines, Ultramarines, Imperial Guard and lets not forget, the Tyranids, in this battle. Who do you think will be victorious in this fight FT?

FT: Well, the Imperial Guard are used to training with useless weaponry, so they'll have an advantage in this event. And as for the 800m dash being weaponless, I assume the judges have already taken their weapons off the contestants. It just seems strange that Techmarine Vosh gave up his weapons so easily. It took eighteen serfs to take the weapons of Fenrar the Enraged!Perhaps he's hiding some other weapon, perhaps even digi-weaponry! What do you think?

LT: This is the 40k fething Olympics, of course they could easily be hiding weaponrsy like that! Oh well, I was looking forward to something bloody which turned out to be more of a battle than a race to the finish. suppose they gave them all a combat knife next year? oh boy that would be fun!Also, did they add weight restrictions and etc to this, because I seem to remember some Eldar kicking D'yi at last year's race?

FT: Yes they did. Although Harlequin Death Jester Ki'lla was disqualified for using an anti-grav flip belt. I like your proposal and will try to get another event in for the next Olympic games. The 800m Armed combat sprint will be fun to watch!And now we have the Olympic Skimmer race. And this time around we have more Grav-tanks then anything else in this event! I think the Craftworld Eldar have a clear advantage this year as the judges have not disallowed star engines! Do you think using star engines in this event is cheating, LT?

LT: Star Engines? bah, who cares about Star Engines when we have our infamous Dark Eldar Raiders with such brilliant things like Screaming Jets? Dark Eldar will almost indefinately win this battle man, they are far too cool not to!Anyways, let us take a look at the ensuing event, the Witch Hunters "burn the heretic" competition. I have the feeling Sister Mejoria may have an edge on this one, with the Kerosene-"Flower" powder combine. What do you think of it my trusted side-announcer?

FT: I think it's a great invention! Although you can't discount Inquisitor Gyrain's heavy flamer out of the event either. The last bout in this event saw Gyrain's flamer toast twelve cultists. Next bout should be cool to watch. This time they take one Nurgle Marines . Do you think they'll manage to burn one Marine, LT?

LT: They'd freaking better! I don't want to lose my tickets worth here...And right now the Melta competition is starting, and already we've got Guardsman Ikarus through the first Land Raider hull! do you think the Astartes will be taking any hits here, or will they have enough Cheese Land Raiders to sustain this event?

FT: Nah, but Fire Dragon Uoin of the Bail-Tann Craftworld is finding it hard against the cheese filled Necron Monolinth. Although I find that Inquisitor Bolt's inferno pistol is at a slight disadvantage here since he's having to be within 3" to use it effectively! What do you think he'll have to do to win this event, LT?

LT: He'll have to start blasting a whole hell of a lot quicker, thats for sure. Also, are you watching those Seraphim rip through those damned tanks? Almost like they aren't bloody well there

FT: I thought jump packs weren't allowed in these competitions? Oh well, it seems that they have allowed them this year as we have twelve Assault Squads armed with meltabombs competing in this event this year. And now it's onto the Ork Throwing compettion! Not only do we have the spectacle not only how far they manage the throw the struggling Ork, but also the fight between the competitor and the Ork who he's trying to throw. Last year, we had four contestants beaten to a bloody pulp by the Ork and were later disqualified for using an unconscience Ork! What are your thoughts on this event?

LT: I do believe the ork throwing contest should be a fun one to watch, seeing as we have a bunch of Marines and Crisis Commanders in it this year...oh boy! did you just see Marneus Calgar take that hit to the face? that's gotta hurt! and now he killed the ork, disualified!!!

FT: And that was a low blow for all Marine kind! The judges will have to watch their back tonight as the crowds are booing the judges for their decision! Do you think this turn of events will have any effect on the other competitions?

LT: I hope it does, we totally need to have a "free for all blood-bowl" soon. Actually, look! It is the free for all arena brawl, round 2! We must be seeing legions of marines, Dark Eldar and etc!

FT: And a few of the newer races including the Kroot, the Tau and the even the Feral Warriors of Krill III. Man they have some savage weaponry. Do you know the history of the Feral Warriors of Krill III, LT?

LT: naw, hell, I've never heard of them! At least we have Tau there, it is much better to have someone we know will win the competition ^_^

FT: You've never heard of the Feral Warriors of Krill? They have some strange customs. Amongst them include the eating of enemies facael matter, have 27 different words for eating Klkn and another 84 words for masturbation...Aside from this, they wield the legendary Covenant Energy Swords and have a deep genetic hatred of a guy called Master Chief! Do I need to go on?

LT: no you don't, sounds like a Halo spin-off to me :P Anyways, the total slaughter is taking place now, Marines on all sides have started to turn against each other, and in the air a Chaos Sorcerer is laughing while the bolt shells fly past him! what a match today, what a match!

FT: and now it looks like the chaos guy is spinning wildly out of control. Oh, my god, he's just transformed into a Greater Daemon of Tzeentch! Daemonic possession is against the rules... The judges are running out onto the field now to try to get the Greater Daemon off the field. It looks like their losing their battle of regulations. Do you think we should pettition the judges to keep the greater daemon on the field of play?

LT: Wait...this competition has judges?

FT: There the ones in white robes, pointy helmets and look like Eldar... But the Eldar aren't as arrogant or long winded as the judges. I guess you've never talked to a judge then... Imagine a rules lawyer, 100 times worse and has a rule book the size of a Land Raider and you have a judge apprentice! Actual Judges are ten times more annoying.

LT: Hmm. I think we have one of those at Hobbytown...they're damned annoying... Oh well, back to the fight! It looks like an entire chapters worth of Marines are burning down the Catachan base! there must be 1000 Flamers in that battle! and the Catachans are fighting back hard. Out of nowhere there have been at least 13 Basilisk attacks! Those Earthshakers are really taking a toll on the Imperium's "finest"! Anyways, let's take a look at the Eldar shall we?

FT: Oh, my god, the Iyanden team are fielding an entire army of Wraithlords and Wraithguard! Their wraithcannons are ripping apart the enemy in salvos of death and destruction... I hope their wraithsight doesn't make them attack the vast crowds we have here.

LT: You know you are the only person who thinks that, right? I want everyone in the crowd to diE!!!*maniacal laughter*

FT: Hey, killing innocent bystanders is against the rules of the competition *looks around* actually, we have mainly Dark Eldar here, a lot more aliens and a few Chaos cultists, so on the whole, the entire crowd isn't innocent, therefore they can be killed within the rules. So yeah, I think we should start a competition ourselfs where the object is kill as many crowd members as we can in under a minute.

LT: good idea...

And thank you for reading the first broadcast of the Tau Online 40k Olympics!!! We hope you have enjoyed this enough to send us money, and if not, we hope you disliked it enough to send us money ;D
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Old 08 Feb 2007, 00:24   #2 (permalink)
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AWESOME I love it. My favorite part was the ork throwing contest
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Old 08 Feb 2007, 00:54   #3 (permalink)
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I'm loving it!

More! More!


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The sacrament of Dakka can be expressed only by those who have experienced it. It is a holy sacrament (of fire) that states "We are firing our guns at you. Die."
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Old 08 Feb 2007, 01:02   #4 (permalink)
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Wow you guys were really bored. Nice announcing too.

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Old 08 Feb 2007, 01:24   #5 (permalink)
lonely tau
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I'll have to collaborate with my partner Farseer Tyross
*amazing entrance by FT...nowhere to be seen*

ok, lets wait for him to respond and we will see where we take it from there...
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Old 08 Feb 2007, 01:27   #6 (permalink)
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If I was in there I'd win. ;D
Originally Posted by Dra'Tuisich-Novae
Competitive, sure. Sports...
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Note "3.diversion; recreation; pleasant pastime."
Its a sport...
In that case, so is sex. Therefore, pornstars and prostitutes are professional athletes.
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Old 08 Feb 2007, 02:14   #7 (permalink)
lonely tau
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you know you totally wanna' +Karma us for this Elf Boy... We might even add you to the next installment...
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Old 08 Feb 2007, 09:01   #8 (permalink)
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*Suddenly you see the crowds parting. Half of them are cut down as I slice through their tender bodies* Move mortals! I just went off to check the rules...

And I states that for the next competition, Announcers can take part. Before I head off to do this thing, I'll like to announce the commencement of the official Discus of Doom competition. The aim of this isn't to throw the damned thing as far as possible, but to kill as many damned spectators as possible...
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Old 08 Feb 2007, 10:22   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Lonely Tau
you know you totally wanna' +Karma us for this Elf Boy... We might even add you to the next installment...
aren't you able to +1 karma yourself being a mod and all? I think it's karma worthy at any rate.
Originally Posted by Yaifrog
Hooray! We've corrupted Hadhfang ;D
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Old 08 Feb 2007, 20:32   #10 (permalink)
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Actually you can't give yourself karma (shame coz I'd have +40,000 by now ). If you guys think it's karma worthy... I'll give LT his, if he'll give me mine .... *gives karma*
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