Tau Empire Codex 2013 | Army Builder Program
Dark Angels Codex 2013
Chaos Daemons Codex 2013
Chaos Space Marines Codex 2012

Warhammer 40k Forum Tau Online

 

Warhammer 40K Forum

Favorite Joke
Reply
Old 08 Jan 2006, 07:03   #1 (permalink)
Ethereal
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 10,201
Send a message via AIM to Praying Mantidae Send a message via MSN to Praying Mantidae
Default Favorite Joke

Subject line says it all. What's your favorite(s)?

My favorites:
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Fish

A pirate walks into a bar with steering wheel in his pants, to which the bartender asks him if he knew there was a steering wheel in his pants. The pirate replys, "Aye, its been drivin me nuts."

What do you call a sleep-walking nun?
A Roman Catholic. (say it out loud)
Praying Mantidae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08 Jan 2006, 10:29   #2 (permalink)
Kroot Warrior
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 25
Default Re: Favorite Joke

Q: What's Red and looks like a bucket?
A: A red bucket

Q: What's Yellow and looks like a bucket?
A: A red bucket in disguise
Leadeye is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08 Jan 2006, 20:15   #3 (permalink)
Shas'Vre
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Cambridge, UK
Posts: 1,052
Send a message via MSN to Kre Mont re
Default Re: Favorite Joke

*Insert Black And White Space Marine On A Black And White Bike here*
__________________
.
Kre Mont re is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08 Jan 2006, 21:11   #4 (permalink)
Shas'O
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 9,807
Default Re: Favorite Joke

*Breaks out Dedicated Space Marine Biker Clothslining System of DOOOOOM!!!*

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dra-Tuisich'Novae
Three surgeons are arguing about which is the best of them. The first says:
"I'm the best, no two ways about it - a guy came in a few months back, his fingers sliced off on the job by a slice of sheet metal! I sticked him up and a few weeks later he was playing a virtuoso piano concert!

The second disregards this and says:
"Bah, I had a man who lost both legs to a peice of sheet metal a while back? Guess what, I stiched him up and yesterday I watched him run in the Olympics!"

The third just laughs and says:
"Hah, you two are just amatures. There was this crazy cowboy from down south, he rode a horse right into a freight train! All that was left was a horses' arse and a cowboy hat, so I stiched them together and made a U.S. President!
Too lazy to retype it. Forum Search rocks!
AuinMyrrath is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09 Jan 2006, 00:07   #5 (permalink)
Shas'Ui
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Katy, Texas
Posts: 627
Default Re: Favorite Joke

A guy walked into a bar looking really haggard. He asks the bartender for more than a dozen drinks by the end of the night. Right before the man leaves, the bartender asks the man, "You know what sir?" The man looks over at him and shakes his head, "You can't drown your problems at the bottom of a bottle."
The man looks at him like he is crazy and replies, "OF COURSE I CAN'T... My wife won't fit inside there..."
__________________
ARMY STATS:
Tau: 24 Wins - 4 Ties - 2 Loss

I'm right behind you!

Never look back at what you have done. If you do you might not see the tree in front of you.
Sanctum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09 Jan 2006, 16:22   #6 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: BlackBurn, Lancashire, England
Posts: 3,060
Send a message via MSN to Elessar
Default Re: Favorite Joke

A german an italian a frenchman a priest a monk a rabii(spelling?)a cow a horse a sheep a blonde a brunette and a red head walk into a bar and the bartender asks: "What is this, some kind of joke?!?!"
__________________
http://world2.monstersgame.co.uk/?ac=vid&vid=31118495
go to the above to help me on a browser game
Download my codex! http://www.box.net/public/d6c1ki0iah Click on the .pub file and hit Save to Disk.

Elessar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09 Jan 2006, 17:09   #7 (permalink)
Shas'Vre
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: location location,as they say
Posts: 1,776
Default Re: Favorite Joke

ow
whats wrong man?
i sat on a broken glass and cut my ass
i always knew you were a pane in the ass
__________________

Praise be to the Omnissiah.url=http://www.pickle-green.com/egraphics/main.php?id=eggs][/url]
cl.ryan sg-3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09 Jan 2006, 18:26   #8 (permalink)
Shas'O
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: deep in your mind.... it's dark in here.
Posts: 9,342
Send a message via AIM to elflord9d Send a message via MSN to elflord9d Send a message via Yahoo to elflord9d
Default Re: Favorite Joke

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaos Undecided
*Insert Black And White Space Marine On A Black And White Bike here*
Oh no, if anyone posts this I will be angered.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dra'Tuisich-Novae
Competitive, sure. Sports...
Quote:
Originally Posted by executioner
Note "3.diversion; recreation; pleasant pastime."
Its a sport...
In that case, so is sex. Therefore, pornstars and prostitutes are professional athletes.
elflord9d is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11 Jan 2006, 09:17   #9 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Finland
Posts: 2,510
Default Re: Favorite Joke

Master of ravenwing was attending a meeting of Space marine commanders on distant planet. He had left his Honor guard outside, and was inside the cathedral drinking with other commanders. After having drank few beers too many, he got into an argument with the commander of white scars chapter about whose chapter should have to honor of being the "fastest, coolest bad***es in the galaxy".
Since neither was keen to give up, they decided to race for the title. Both got outside and hopped on the bike. Master of Ravenwing took his chapters black bike, while the master of white scars took a white one of his own. They agreed that the winner would be whoever would race around the cathedral fastest. They lined up side by side, and prepared for the race. Tigurius fired his bolt pistol in air, and off they went.
They came to the first corner of the cathedral side by side, neither getting a clear advantage. Shouting insults at one another and praising emperor to give them victory they raced along the cathedral. On the second corner the master of white scars managed to get in front of the master of ravenwing by going just inches from the cathedral corner, scaring the painter who was painting the walls on the other side of the corner.

Situation started to look grim, and Master of ravenwing was starting to worry, when he noticed Master of white scars was slowing down hesitantly. He decided that this was his chance to take the lead, and bring honor to ravenwing. He drove as fast as he could, cutting the corner by just a fraction of inch, sliding sideways. He was almost clear, when he realised he would crash the half opened paint buckets left there by the painter. He tried desperately to brake, but no. He ran sideways to buckets of white paint. He stopped there, in the middle of the buckets with half his armor and bike covered in white paint. The master of White scars drove past him, disappearing around the next corner before he could get moving again. In shame the Master of Ravenwing drove to finish line, where everyone was cheering for the white scars (except for dark angels, of course).

When master of ravenwing got there, every one looked at him, and turned into serious mood and just stared at him. He felt Like he should explain.
"Umm... There were some open buckets of paint. I ran into them. Seem to have messed the powerarmor and bike both."
There was a low muttering agreement from the growd. He felt that he could get the of the situation by laughing at it.
"Iīm pretty sure I look quite funny now, eh."
There was again general murmuring, but this time no-one agreed with him.
"Oh, come on guys. I must look ridicilous being splatterred with paint like this."
Still no-one agreed.
"Come on Tigurius, admit it, It looks funny from over there."
"No, really it doesnīt. "
Master of ravenwing started to get angry. Was eveyone snickering at him inside their helmets? Is was difficult to tell.
"Surely some-one must find it funny? How about you Tycho, do you think it looks funny?"
"No, not at all."
At this point the master of ravenwing was ready to flip.
"Oh, I get it. itīs nothing, the guy canīt even drive and messed his holy armor and holy bike with paint. Letīs wait till he turns around, so we can laugh at it behind his back."
Tigurius approached, trying to calm the man.
"Calm yourself brother, no-one is laughing to you. It just is that we donīt find it funny."
"OH GO BANG YOUR HEAD ON HIVEFLEET! I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE UP TO!"
Suddenly, there was a bright flash, and a radient halo landed over Master of Ravenwing.
Deep booming voice came from the sky.







[size=16pt]"Oh for crying out loud! There is nothing, and I repeat nothing, zilch, nada, nicht, nothing even remotely funny about black-and-white spacemarine on a black-and-white bike! NOW GET OVER IT!"
[/size]

What, not the black and white spacemarine on a black and white bike joke you didnīt want Elfie? ;D
LordDemon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11 Jan 2006, 10:23   #10 (permalink)
Shas'La
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 430
Default Re: Favorite Joke

Quote:
Originally Posted by LordDemon

[size=16pt]"Oh for crying out loud! There is nothing, and I repeat nothing, zilch, nada, nicht, nothing even remotely funny about black-and-white spacemarine on a black-and-white bike! NOW GET OVER IT!"
[/size]

What, not the black and white spacemarine on a black and white bike joke you didnīt want Elfie? ;D
> Well that was harsh LordDemon, using 16pt text there!
Here are my favourite jokes:

Q. Why did the football teacher give his team lighters?
A. Because they kept losing all the matches! ;D

This is something I got from someone from school, but NOT minor tau marc!
Now for my second one:

A boy goes into a bakery and asks: "How much are these cream cakes?"
The baker replies: "2 for 75p."
Then the boy asked: "How much for one?"
The baker replies: "38p."
So the boy says: "Then I'll take the other one for 37p! ;D

Now I'm getting somewhere! Here's a third:

Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%.
Customer: That's great! I'll take 2 of 'em! ;D

That would only cut the workload by 75%! Well, you do the math!
Laughing yet? if not, try my fourth one:

Q. What kind of tea do footballers drink?
A. Penaltea! ;D

Not much, is it? try putting it with my fifth:

Q. What happened to the football team who ate too much pudding?
A. They were jellygated! ;D

Get it? Jellygated instead of relegated?
Want a sixth? Here it is!

Q. What do you get when you type:
www.abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.com into your computer?
A. A sore finger! ;D

Why don't you try it and see?
Finally, a seventh!

Q. What's flat, yellow and flies around the kitchen?
A. A UFO (Unidentified Flying Omelette!) ;D

What do you think?
__________________
*sig not available until January*
minor tau Dodd is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
#1 Joke of 2009! Praying Mantidae Enclave Talk 4 07 Jan 2010 04:20
joke thread azr9 Enclave Talk 18 17 Sep 2006 22:49
It started out as a big joke... Pirate Enclave Talk 15 12 Sep 2006 03:53
this is not a joke wyrd_ian Enclave Talk 12 14 Jul 2005 15:13
40K joke. Brother Edwin Enclave Talk 144 07 Mar 2005 20:53