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Favorite Joke
Old 08 Jan 2006, 07:03   #1 (permalink)
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Default Favorite Joke

Subject line says it all. What's your favorite(s)?

My favorites:
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Fish

A pirate walks into a bar with steering wheel in his pants, to which the bartender asks him if he knew there was a steering wheel in his pants. The pirate replys, "Aye, its been drivin me nuts."

What do you call a sleep-walking nun?
A Roman Catholic. (say it out loud)
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Old 08 Jan 2006, 10:29   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Favorite Joke

Q: What's Red and looks like a bucket?
A: A red bucket

Q: What's Yellow and looks like a bucket?
A: A red bucket in disguise
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Old 08 Jan 2006, 20:15   #3 (permalink)
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*Insert Black And White Space Marine On A Black And White Bike here*
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Old 08 Jan 2006, 21:11   #4 (permalink)
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*Breaks out Dedicated Space Marine Biker Clothslining System of DOOOOOM!!!*

Originally Posted by Dra-Tuisich'Novae
Three surgeons are arguing about which is the best of them. The first says:
"I'm the best, no two ways about it - a guy came in a few months back, his fingers sliced off on the job by a slice of sheet metal! I sticked him up and a few weeks later he was playing a virtuoso piano concert!

The second disregards this and says:
"Bah, I had a man who lost both legs to a peice of sheet metal a while back? Guess what, I stiched him up and yesterday I watched him run in the Olympics!"

The third just laughs and says:
"Hah, you two are just amatures. There was this crazy cowboy from down south, he rode a horse right into a freight train! All that was left was a horses' arse and a cowboy hat, so I stiched them together and made a U.S. President!
Too lazy to retype it. Forum Search rocks!
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Old 09 Jan 2006, 00:07   #5 (permalink)
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A guy walked into a bar looking really haggard. He asks the bartender for more than a dozen drinks by the end of the night. Right before the man leaves, the bartender asks the man, "You know what sir?" The man looks over at him and shakes his head, "You can't drown your problems at the bottom of a bottle."
The man looks at him like he is crazy and replies, "OF COURSE I CAN'T... My wife won't fit inside there..."
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Old 09 Jan 2006, 16:22   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Favorite Joke

A german an italian a frenchman a priest a monk a rabii(spelling?)a cow a horse a sheep a blonde a brunette and a red head walk into a bar and the bartender asks: "What is this, some kind of joke?!?!"
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Old 09 Jan 2006, 17:09   #7 (permalink)
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whats wrong man?
i sat on a broken glass and cut my ass
i always knew you were a pane in the ass

Praise be to the Omnissiah.url=http://www.pickle-green.com/egraphics/main.php?id=eggs][/url]
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Old 09 Jan 2006, 18:26   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Favorite Joke

Originally Posted by Chaos Undecided
*Insert Black And White Space Marine On A Black And White Bike here*
Oh no, if anyone posts this I will be angered.
Originally Posted by Dra'Tuisich-Novae
Competitive, sure. Sports...
Originally Posted by executioner
Note "3.diversion; recreation; pleasant pastime."
Its a sport...
In that case, so is sex. Therefore, pornstars and prostitutes are professional athletes.
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Old 11 Jan 2006, 09:17   #9 (permalink)
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Master of ravenwing was attending a meeting of Space marine commanders on distant planet. He had left his Honor guard outside, and was inside the cathedral drinking with other commanders. After having drank few beers too many, he got into an argument with the commander of white scars chapter about whose chapter should have to honor of being the "fastest, coolest bad***es in the galaxy".
Since neither was keen to give up, they decided to race for the title. Both got outside and hopped on the bike. Master of Ravenwing took his chapters black bike, while the master of white scars took a white one of his own. They agreed that the winner would be whoever would race around the cathedral fastest. They lined up side by side, and prepared for the race. Tigurius fired his bolt pistol in air, and off they went.
They came to the first corner of the cathedral side by side, neither getting a clear advantage. Shouting insults at one another and praising emperor to give them victory they raced along the cathedral. On the second corner the master of white scars managed to get in front of the master of ravenwing by going just inches from the cathedral corner, scaring the painter who was painting the walls on the other side of the corner.

Situation started to look grim, and Master of ravenwing was starting to worry, when he noticed Master of white scars was slowing down hesitantly. He decided that this was his chance to take the lead, and bring honor to ravenwing. He drove as fast as he could, cutting the corner by just a fraction of inch, sliding sideways. He was almost clear, when he realised he would crash the half opened paint buckets left there by the painter. He tried desperately to brake, but no. He ran sideways to buckets of white paint. He stopped there, in the middle of the buckets with half his armor and bike covered in white paint. The master of White scars drove past him, disappearing around the next corner before he could get moving again. In shame the Master of Ravenwing drove to finish line, where everyone was cheering for the white scars (except for dark angels, of course).

When master of ravenwing got there, every one looked at him, and turned into serious mood and just stared at him. He felt Like he should explain.
"Umm... There were some open buckets of paint. I ran into them. Seem to have messed the powerarmor and bike both."
There was a low muttering agreement from the growd. He felt that he could get the of the situation by laughing at it.
"Iīm pretty sure I look quite funny now, eh."
There was again general murmuring, but this time no-one agreed with him.
"Oh, come on guys. I must look ridicilous being splatterred with paint like this."
Still no-one agreed.
"Come on Tigurius, admit it, It looks funny from over there."
"No, really it doesnīt. "
Master of ravenwing started to get angry. Was eveyone snickering at him inside their helmets? Is was difficult to tell.
"Surely some-one must find it funny? How about you Tycho, do you think it looks funny?"
"No, not at all."
At this point the master of ravenwing was ready to flip.
"Oh, I get it. itīs nothing, the guy canīt even drive and messed his holy armor and holy bike with paint. Letīs wait till he turns around, so we can laugh at it behind his back."
Tigurius approached, trying to calm the man.
"Calm yourself brother, no-one is laughing to you. It just is that we donīt find it funny."
Suddenly, there was a bright flash, and a radient halo landed over Master of Ravenwing.
Deep booming voice came from the sky.

[size=16pt]"Oh for crying out loud! There is nothing, and I repeat nothing, zilch, nada, nicht, nothing even remotely funny about black-and-white spacemarine on a black-and-white bike! NOW GET OVER IT!"

What, not the black and white spacemarine on a black and white bike joke you didnīt want Elfie? ;D
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Old 11 Jan 2006, 10:23   #10 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by LordDemon

[size=16pt]"Oh for crying out loud! There is nothing, and I repeat nothing, zilch, nada, nicht, nothing even remotely funny about black-and-white spacemarine on a black-and-white bike! NOW GET OVER IT!"

What, not the black and white spacemarine on a black and white bike joke you didnīt want Elfie? ;D
> Well that was harsh LordDemon, using 16pt text there!
Here are my favourite jokes:

Q. Why did the football teacher give his team lighters?
A. Because they kept losing all the matches! ;D

This is something I got from someone from school, but NOT minor tau marc!
Now for my second one:

A boy goes into a bakery and asks: "How much are these cream cakes?"
The baker replies: "2 for 75p."
Then the boy asked: "How much for one?"
The baker replies: "38p."
So the boy says: "Then I'll take the other one for 37p! ;D

Now I'm getting somewhere! Here's a third:

Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%.
Customer: That's great! I'll take 2 of 'em! ;D

That would only cut the workload by 75%! Well, you do the math!
Laughing yet? if not, try my fourth one:

Q. What kind of tea do footballers drink?
A. Penaltea! ;D

Not much, is it? try putting it with my fifth:

Q. What happened to the football team who ate too much pudding?
A. They were jellygated! ;D

Get it? Jellygated instead of relegated?
Want a sixth? Here it is!

Q. What do you get when you type:
www.abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.com into your computer?
A. A sore finger! ;D

Why don't you try it and see?
Finally, a seventh!

Q. What's flat, yellow and flies around the kitchen?
A. A UFO (Unidentified Flying Omelette!) ;D

What do you think?
*sig not available until January*
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