Tau Empire Codex 2013 | Army Builder Program
Dark Angels Codex 2013
Chaos Daemons Codex 2013
Chaos Space Marines Codex 2012

Warhammer 40k Forum Tau Online

 

Warhammer 40K Forum

The Tau Online Christmas Story
Closed Thread
Old 27 Dec 2005, 21:30   #1 (permalink)
Ethereal
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 12,488
Default The Tau Online Christmas Story

Tau-Killer (an old member for those who didn't know him) sent me this on another site and I thought people might like it! I thought it was brilliant. ;D
Here you go...
Quote:
In the beginning, God (AKA Tau-Online) created the world. It was good. However, thousands of years later, Tau-Online surveyed the world and wept, for it was bad. Not one single member was good enough to become an admin.

Tau-Online: I know what I'll do. I'll live among them myself as a normal member, and bridge the gap between members and admins.

And so it was that a few days later, an arch-Angel of the Lord appeared to Restayvien, a humble yet pure of heart carpenter living in the land of Tau.

Arch-Angel Wargamer: Restayvien, why on earth are you divorcing your wife?
Restayvien: My wife has been unfaithful to me. She has slept wth another and has become pregnant.
Arch-Angel Wargamer: Humans have such wierd morals.....Anyway - I have a message for you. You are not to divorce Restayvia. She has become pregnant through Tau-Online.
Restayvien: The ****!
Arch-Angel Wargamer: No! The Tau-Online. The holy Tau-Online.
Restayvien: The holy ****!
Arch-Angel Wargamer: (brandishing sword.) Don't make me use this! Listen. Through the spiritual power of Tau-Online, Restayvia has been made pregnant. She will give birth to a son, who will save the members from their negative karma. You will call this son - MalVeaux.
Restayvien: MalVeaux? What does that mean?
Arch-Angel Wargamer: It's French. How should I know?

And with that, the arch-Angel vanished. Restayvien was left all alone by himself. He decided that he would obey the arch-angel's commands and that he would keep Restayvia as his wife. However, this meant that she would have to accompany him on a long and grueling journey to the land of Eldar - for it had been decreed by the Emperor that all members were to return to the land they had visited most frequently in their youth to be registered. Eventually, with Restayvia riding on the single seater vyper jetbike - they arrived at an inn.

Restayvien: (knocking) Hey there. Do you have any room?
Innkeeper Khanaris: No; go away. This inn is completely full.
Restayvien: Please. My wife is pregnant.
Innkeeper Khanaris: Listen, do you have any idea what a madhouse it is in here? Every second I'm trying to diffuse fights between people from the land of SMurf and of chaos SMurf who keep trying to kill each other - while the people of the land of Tyranid appear to take up more space each second. I've got my hands full - literally.
Restayvien: Please, isn't there some place we can stay. We have nowhere else to go.
Innkeeper Khanaris: Hmm....well...you could go in the old stable I suppose. It's been abandoned ever since we housed some baby squiggoths in there - but the smell might be gone by now.
Restayvien: Thank you so much.

And with that, the abandoned stable became unabandoned, and that night, Restayvia gave birth to a son, and in accordance to the arch-angel's orders, Restayvien named him MalVeaux.

Now, up in the hills, some shepherds were taking care of their flocks of kroot. Suddenly, there was a dazzling bright light - as Shepherd Daveydudeman shone a torch on to two squabbling kroot who had taken a dislike to each other.
However, there was suddenly a larger and more dazzling bright light - as Shepherd Magnus the Red turned on the perimeter search light - to check that no predators were creeping up on the defenceless kroot.
Then there was a sudden noise - as someone shouted "WILL SOMEONE TURN OFF THOSE LIGHTS SO I CAN ENTER WITH SOME KIND OF STYLE - PLEASE."
Startled, the shepherds turned off the lights - and suddenly, in a blaze of illumination, Arch-Angel Wargamer appeared, accompanied by many of his kind, and they announced to the petrified shepherds that their saviour had been born in the land of Eldar and gave them intructions as to how to get there. Then, as suddenly as they had appeared - they disappeared. The shepherds looked at each other.
Shepherd Magnus the Red: Lets go. Magnus the Red is feeling [this bit was missing for some reason - Rezzy]
In that area - there were also three wise moderators. Lets meet them:

1st Wise Moderator: Greetings to you. I am called Camoflaged Mage.
2nd Wise Moderator: Greetings to you. I am called Arguleon-Veq.
3rd Wise Moderator: Hi, I'm KJ.

These three had travelled from lands afar, following a star, in the hope of meeting the coming Messiah. Thinking logically, they entered the palace - of King Banana.

1st Wise Moderator: Greetings o King.
2nd Wise Moderator: Greetings o King.
3rd Wise Moderator: Hiya Elfboy, how're ya doing?

King Banana: I am very well I thank you. Everyone just adores me. Now, tell me, why have you come?

1st Wise Moderator: The Messiah has been born.
2nd Wise Moderator: We are searching for him
3rd Wise Moderator: We thought he'd be here - this being a king's palace and all.

King Banana (to himself) Another banana to take my place. Impossible. I am the only banana here. (To his guests.) No my friends. Your King is not here. However, when you find him, tell me where he is, so I may...help him to ripen.

And with that, they took their leave - eventually finding the true Messiah with the help of a data encoded cross. With joy, they hurried into the stable past some shepherds to give their gifts to the young MalVeaux.

1st Wise Moderator: I give you gold, young MalVeaux, with which you might use for your own purposes of glory.
2nd Wise Moderator: I give you frankincense, young MalVeaux, with which you might smell fresh and clean every day that you live on earth.
3rd wise Moderator: For my gift, have a brand new Warhammer 40k starter pack complete with dice, rules and rulers so that you will easily fit into our land.

That night, all slept. However, one of the three wise moderators had his sleep disturbed...

Arch-Angel Wargamer: KJ, KJ, can you hear me? Heaven to KJ - are you there?
3rd Wise Moderator: Wurgh? Who are you?
Arch-Angel Wargamer: At last. Do you know how long I've been trying to wake you? Just a simple job Tau-Online said. A simple job? Ha! Why is it that I have to do all the messages anyway? You'd've thought in four thousand years, another angel might have sufficed. But no, no, always me, always arch-Angel Wargamer to talk to the race of humans.
3rd Wise Moderator: I think you need a drink mate.
Arch-Angel Wargamer: Sorry, I'm on duty. Anyway, the message, yes. You must not return to King Banana. Go home by a different route.
3rd Wise Moderator: Why?
Arch-Angel Wargamer: Because King Banana will kill MalVeaux.
3rd Wise Moderator: Why?
Arch Angel Wargamer: Because he's a psychotic dictator who'll kill anyone who seems to rival him.
3rd Wise Moderator: Elfboy??
Arch Angel Wargamer: The one you knew as Elfboy has fallen to the Dark Side. He is under the influence of...Brother Edwin.
3rd Wise Moderator: (shivers.) Oh, alright then.
Arch Angel Wargamer: (turning away.) Good. Now just Restayvien to warn to go to Egypt to escape King Banana, and I think I can take a two thousand year vacation. Heaven!
And such is the story of the birth of the great saviour MalVeaux. MalVeaux grew up and did indeed save the members from their negative karma...but that story is too long to tell here.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS
__________________
KJ - Friend, Brother, Ork. Never forget you mate.
Restayvien is offline  
Old 27 Dec 2005, 21:40   #2 (permalink)
Shas'Vre
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: location location,as they say
Posts: 1,776
Default Re: The Tau Online Christmas Story

so-..........esus is a banana with a french name born of the wife of a striking scorpion?
i knew it

thell good aul TK is marvellous as per usual
__________________

Praise be to the Omnissiah.url=http://www.pickle-green.com/egraphics/main.php?id=eggs][/url]
cl.ryan sg-3 is offline  
Old 27 Dec 2005, 21:43   #3 (permalink)
Ethereal
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 12,488
Default Re: The Tau Online Christmas Story

Quote:
Originally Posted by bongo the orangutan
so-..........esus is a banana with a french name born of the wife of a striking scorpion?
i knew it

thell good aul TK is marvellous as per usual
Pretty much. Hehe

Quote:
King Banana (to himself) Another banana to take my place. Impossible. I am the only banana here. (To his guests.) No my friends. Your King is not here. However, when you find him, tell me where he is, so I may...help him to ripen.
That had me and my dad laughing. ;D
__________________
KJ - Friend, Brother, Ork. Never forget you mate.
Restayvien is offline  
Old 27 Dec 2005, 22:08   #4 (permalink)
Shas'O
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Southern California
Posts: 5,117
Send a message via MSN to arguleon-veq
Default Re: The Tau Online Christmas Story

lol, that was awesome!.
__________________
Brunettes and Beer.
arguleon-veq is offline  
Old 27 Dec 2005, 22:16   #5 (permalink)
Ethereal
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: UK - Wales
Posts: 10,505
Send a message via MSN to Kangaroo Joe
Default Re: The Tau Online Christmas Story

Yey, I am wise!!!
__________________

Quote:
No love, it's GREAT Britain....the clue's in the name

Thanx to Kais for the sig
Kangaroo Joe is offline  
Old 27 Dec 2005, 22:19   #6 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: BlackBurn, Lancashire, England
Posts: 3,060
Send a message via MSN to Elessar
Default Re: The Tau Online Christmas Story

Farseer Restayvien is a girl?
__________________
http://world2.monstersgame.co.uk/?ac=vid&vid=31118495
go to the above to help me on a browser game
Download my codex! http://www.box.net/public/d6c1ki0iah Click on the .pub file and hit Save to Disk.

Elessar is offline  
Old 27 Dec 2005, 22:24   #7 (permalink)
Ethereal
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: UK - Wales
Posts: 10,505
Send a message via MSN to Kangaroo Joe
Default Re: The Tau Online Christmas Story

No, Restayvia is. Restayvien is male.
__________________

Quote:
No love, it's GREAT Britain....the clue's in the name

Thanx to Kais for the sig
Kangaroo Joe is offline  
Old 28 Dec 2005, 00:21   #8 (permalink)
Shas'Ui
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: U.S.
Posts: 570
Send a message via Yahoo to Lucifer-2.3456789
Default Re: The Tau Online Christmas Story

c'mon, i even got that part. is hould have been some sort of lesser deamon, with all of my - 5 karma.
__________________
http://s15.invisionfree.com/Realm_of_WHFB/index.php?act=idx

made by KAIS
Lucifer-2.3456789 is offline  
Old 28 Dec 2005, 01:26   #9 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,827
Default Re: The Tau Online Christmas Story

Lol very funny story!
__________________
davydudeman is offline  
Old 28 Dec 2005, 01:50   #10 (permalink)
Shas'La
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 350
Default Re: The Tau Online Christmas Story

Very cute

I'm supprised KJ didn't enthusiastically declare a need to krump something :P
Yawgmoth1111 is offline  
Closed Thread

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
The Tau Online Grand Summer Story Contest '09! AuinMyrrath Tau Online Past Contests 61 05 Sep 2009 00:57
Tau Online Grand Summer Story Competition 42 Tau Online Past Contests 104 20 Aug 2007 14:25
How Confused Is Tau Online-The Story Aftercresent Enclave Talk 4 25 Aug 2006 05:51
Story time kids! The Tau-Online not-so-epic. Praying Mantidae Enclave Talk 9 17 Jun 2006 02:34