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Fuel Depot explosion in Hemel Hempstead: Marshmallow supplies running low.
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Old 11 Dec 2005, 12:01   #1 (permalink)
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Default Fuel Depot explosion in Hemel Hempstead: Marshmallow supplies running low.

Rather impressive considering there are only injuries and damage reported so far

Anyone in the Hemel hempstead area is advised to stay indoors and close your windows assuming they're still there. Fire crews warn that you don't mind possibly dying of smoke inhalation, bring marshmallows. Lots and lots of Marshmallows.

But even better: Faux News fails at geography! Slightly.: Now, I knwo they're probably howling with rage that it's just an accident and not terrorism, but surely you'd think they'd realise it's not actually A) a london suburb or B) actually anything other than the fuel depot and no other reports of anything but the depot and a couple of factories on fire...

YAY MEDIA HYPE!!!
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Old 11 Dec 2005, 17:34   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fuel Depot explosion in Hemel Hempstead: Marshmallow supplies running low.

The oil depot is near Luton Airport and some residents reported hearing an aircraft flying low overhead shortly before the first explosion at around 6 a.m. But police said there was nothing to suggest a plane was involved.

"All indications at this stage are that this was an accident," said Frank Whiteley, chief of police in Hertfordshire, the county where the depot is located. "However, clearly we will keep an open mind, as with all investigations, until we can confirm that for certain."



a low flying aircraft? god, that made me laugh. its near a damn airport you bloody morons! i feel dirty after watching that. urgh. foxnews. yeugh!
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Old 11 Dec 2005, 17:42   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fuel Depot explosion in Hemel Hempstead: Marshmallow supplies running low.

It's a conspiricy! Why would a low flying aircraft be near an airport!? Al Queda has clearly teamed up with Saddam and zombie hitler to destroy the Good White Christians of the world! Fox News said so! Bush never lies! Salute the flag six times per day or you'll get Anthrax!


Five minutes of Fox, and you're amazed they know how to turn on the cameras. :
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Old 11 Dec 2005, 17:56   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fuel Depot explosion in Hemel Hempstead: Marshmallow supplies running low.

Wargamer, you make me laugh.
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Old 11 Dec 2005, 20:49   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fuel Depot explosion in Hemel Hempstead: Marshmallow supplies running low.

Me too ;D thanks WG, you just made my day

Eesh a big explosion. I live in Hertfordshire meself... it might have woken me up, but I was up until about 4:00 reading the Da Vinci Code, so I was too deeply asleep.
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Old 11 Dec 2005, 22:05   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fuel Depot explosion in Hemel Hempstead: Marshmallow supplies running low.

Pfft, I beat you in terms of being nearer...I can see the actual fire from my house. Anyways...ah yes, how typical of Fox news to associate any negative events with terrorism and Al-Qaeda. Fuel depot explodes? Al-Qaeda did it. Someone pushed over an old lady? Al-Qaeda did it. [size=9pt]Someone's cat has gone missing?[/size][size=8pt] There's no other solution than Al-Qaeda has abducted your cat via the use of a long-range suction pipe,[/size][size=7pt] created by MacGuyver from a few soggy chips and some flat batteries, [/size][size=6pt]and plans to perform genetic experiments and brain surgery on the poor moggy before sending her back[/size][size=5pt] to your house as a super-cat brainwashed killing machine who is going to breed[/size][size=4pt] with othercatsandthencommandtheresultingarmyofsupercats[/size][size=3pt]todestroythecivilisationoftheWesternworldasweknowi tblahblahblahblah hammer kettle paper magnet...[/size]

Meh.
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Old 11 Dec 2005, 22:07   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fuel Depot explosion in Hemel Hempstead: Marshmallow supplies running low.

Of course, Faux haven't actually said it was terrorism. It's clear they wanted to, and the fact the BBC stopped mentioing the reports of a plane shortly after the police said it was rubbish, kind of makes you wonder why Faux still mention the plane... And also why they're the only ones who even mention Al-Qaeda in their report.
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Old 12 Dec 2005, 08:26   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fuel Depot explosion in Hemel Hempstead: Marshmallow supplies running low.

Because I couldn't resist it...

*Fox music starts.*

Bill: Welcome to Fox, where thinking is Unpatriotic. I'm Bill Everyslob, and we've got some truly important and historical news for you tonight... but more on George Bush learning to read later.

Terrorists have blown up a secret M16 oil depot. No doubt Bin Ladin is behind it once again, supported by Saddam's henchmen, and Zombie Hitler.

We have with us in the studio a guest from the UK who witnessed the blast... Tau Online's very own Wargamer.

Wargamer: Hail Bill, Hail TV land... and to annoy the Christains, Hail satan!

Bill: We always do. Wargamer, tell us what happened.

Wargamer: Well, I was driving into Hemel Hampstead for the local Chav convention, when there was a massive explosion. This was quite a surprise, as I hadn't had time to place and prime the charges yet. The air was thick with smoke, and the smell of burning chemicals. For a moment, I thought I was back in Widnes.

Bill: I see... and so how have M16 reacted?

Wargamer: M16? How would a motorway react?

Bill: Well you admit terrorists were involved?

Wargamer: No evidence exists to say Terrorists did this.

Bill: Then you can at least confirm the presence of Zombie Hitler.

Wargamer: What?

Bill: Tell us, Wargamer, is the threat of Zombie Hitler sufficient to justify the use of Hellboy?

Wargamer: What the hell is wrong with you?

Bill: I'm American, it could take hours to list everything.

Wargamer: Look, there were no terrorists! There was no Zombie Hitler! It was just an accident at a fuel depot!

Bill: ... you know, I don't think you understand how news broadcasts work.

Wargamer: Do you even know what a Terrorist is?

Bill: Of course I do, they are-

Wargamer: They are not all muslims, for one thing.

*Bill pauses slightly.*

Wargamer: Or Iraqis.

*Pauses some more.*

Wargamer: And they don't all go around screaming "Death to America!"

*Bill gives up.*

Wargamer: Terrorists spread fear and hatred. They thrive on making people feel scared and unsafe, then they turn this fear into anger and use it against their enemies.

Bill: Ah, like the filthy heathen taliban.

Wargamer: Do I have to spell it out for you?

Bill: I'll have you know I attended the finest schools in America!

Wargamer: So?

Bill: So yes, you do.

Wargamer: You're the bloody terrorists!

Bill: My God! You're right! Oh why did we spread so much fear, hatred and lies! *Looks in his pocket at the large wad of cash.* Ah, the money.

Wargamer: You know what you have to do, right?

Bill: Yes! Issue a full public apology.

Wargamer: No... *draws sword* commit ritual suicide. I shall assist you...

Bill: Woah! How did you get that sword past security.

Wargamer: I told them there's a two for one sale at Dunkin' Donuts.

Bill: But... but... you're British! You're not violent! You're all posh snobs who drink tea, play stupid girly sports and have small penises!

Wargamer: I'm English! We're all drunken nutters with short... oooh, cameras! ... attention spans and even shorter fuses! And size isn't everything!

*This has been Fox News. Stay tuned for more high quality programming...


...on CBS...


...at some point...

...possibly.*
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Old 12 Dec 2005, 12:34   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fuel Depot explosion in Hemel Hempstead: Marshmallow supplies running low.

*standing ovation*

Well done sir... Very well done. I must commend you on a fabulous, entertaining and yet still informative piece of writing. Brilliance
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Old 12 Dec 2005, 12:43   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fuel Depot explosion in Hemel Hempstead: Marshmallow supplies running low.

Excellent. ;D

The closest thing we have to Zombie Hitler in today's world is Tony Blair.
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