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Unrelated Revelations
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Old 10 Dec 2005, 00:49   #1 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
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Default Unrelated Revelations

Today I suddenly realized several, totally unrelated things, one of which is slightly scary.
Number One: Everyone knows that the old Star Wars movies are better than the new ones (at least in terms of acting* :). I watched them today, and found out the reason: In the new ones, they took out all the funny! There is simply not enough of the funny in these new movies. And, of course, Stephen Hawking is better at emotion than George Lucas. Oh-yes, I-love-y-you...
So anyways, I also noticed that the best part about the old-school Star Wars movies was the fact that throughout the first two movies, NONE OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS CAN STAND EACH OTHER. Half the movies are composed of b*tching, which is what makes them so funny. C-3P0 cowers and complains, Han Solo and Leia are nasty and vicious and Luke is SO. FRICKING. WHINY. The only guy (at the beginning) who gives a cr*p about anyone else - Obi-Wan - goes off and does his little ninja bit on the Death Star and then dies, and then where are you at? Giving hallucinatory sage advice to people dying of exposure? Sheesh, give the man a BLANKET.

Also, as everyone knows, the Christmas Season approacheth. Thus, I did some thinking on our good old neighborhood jolly-fat-man, and reached a startling conclusion: Santa Claus is either
a) a Ninja
b) an Alien
or c) a Government Spook.
Let's consider the facts here. As a ninja, and possibly an alien/agent, it would be simple to squeeze down chimneys and eliver vast loads of presents without anyone ever noticing, AND avoiding those 'Santa traps' every boy between the ages of 7 and 10 makes. Santa obviously has some sort of FTL (Faster-Than-Light) device - how else ould he conceviably visit so many housholds in a single night? This leads us to the alien/government agent line of thinking. And then, of course: "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good" - WHAT DOES THIS SOUND LIKE TO YOU! Only the government - or possibly ninjas - have that sort of surveillance capacity.

Draw your own conclusions, but I wish it to be known that with all the extraterrestrial Japanese agents running around, I'm certainly not sleeping easy on Christmas Eve.

Magnus the Red, over and out.
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Old 10 Dec 2005, 01:52   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Unrelated Revelations

Lol, good post on Santa Claus.


But yes, I agree, the old star wars had a lot of humor that made me love it as opposed to go "meh" for the new ones. (But with Jar Jar Binks as the comic relief, how could you go wrong?!"
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Old 10 Dec 2005, 01:55   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Unrelated Revelations

Magnus, you continue to amaze me with your strange philosophies.....
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Old 10 Dec 2005, 02:26   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Unrelated Revelations

Heh, Great stuff magnus!

The old star wars films really didn't need to try and be funny. After watching the start of episode three, it seemed apparent to me that the bit with R2D2 in it was intentionally inserted just for humour, which I admit, it was pretty funny..

As for Santa, I say a teleporting ninja. But not the assassin type, like in A Ninja Pays Half My Rent.
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Old 10 Dec 2005, 08:43   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Unrelated Revelations

Santa

A jolly old man who gives gifts of love to little children around the world...

sounds like a pedofile to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnus the Red... Lord Tedd?
sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good
sounds exactly like a pedofile to me.

Sneaks down chimineys without anyone noticing.

Any pedofile has this ability to sneak around without anyone noticing.

Eats cookies and "milk"

I dont think thats milk he has all over his face.... (if you understand this you have a sick mind!!! >)

Everyone knows that on Halloween the parents need to check the candies before the little children eat them to make sure that they are not poisoned or drugged or anything.

Why does no one check Santa's gifts huh? On Christmas all the children run towards their tree and rip open their presents. Why dont the parents open them and check if they are bad? Who knows! Santa might have put some antharax in those presents to drug up the little kids.

Santa is white and pale....like micheal jackson

I have come to the conclusion that Santa is a pedofile.


Now my friend on the other hand has a story that has been passed down from generations to generations through his family about Santa and his origins. I shall tell you all the grand tale about how Santa Claus is a leperchaun.

Well you see back in the day, many many many years ago, all the leperchauns lived in Ireland. These were your oridinary leperchauns. Big, witty and red. Yes big and red. Before the war of the four leaf clovers and leperchauns all the leperchauns were big and red you see. Now back to the story. So all these leperchauns lived in peace in Ireland among the billions of nations and tribes of four leafed clovers. Four leafed clovers were very common back then and you were very lucky if you found a 3 leafed one. The four leafed clovers were abundant throught the land and the birth rate was high. These youngsters eventually grew up to be teens and at the peak of the 4 leaf clover empire, catastrophe struck. Many teen gangs were begining to emerge. These gangs were violent and rough. They would fight each other for land and food. These little internal wars wiped out 1/6 of the entire 4 leaf clover population. The 4 leaf clovers thought nothing worse could happen...but it did. One day a small gang of 4 leaf clovers decided to instead of attack another gang...to attack a small leperchaun group. The gang captured the leperchauns and drowned them in chlorophyll. When the leperchaun lads never came home, a search party went out. When the search party found the leperchauns they had been turned all green and were dead. This enraged the leperchauns and they consulted the leperchaun elders. The elders decided that something had to be done about this and they waged war against the 4 leaf clovers. The leperchauns and the 4 leaf clovers began recruiting and legions went to the battlefields. The many battles were filled with gore and insanity. The 4 leaf clovers had their chlorophyll cannons and sprayed leperchauns everywhere. This chlorophyll cannon was a deadly weapon. If you were one of the untold billions of unlucky leperchauns your death would have been something like this. Running througth the battlefields and hillly terrain of Ireland you had to duck often to try to not get hit. Sometimes you would get up and fire off a few shots of your moonraker laser and hope to hit a clover. You would hear a boom in the distance and you would know that you were going to die. A sea of green would come flowing to you and many of your comrades and would drown and burn many friends. Chlorophyll would burn the skins of the poor leperchauns and would get into their blood therefore their skin would turn green. To be a 4 leaf clover in these times was very unlucky as well. You would see laser shots everywhere and while shooting your cannon you would be shot down along with billions of your mates and disintergrate under the heat. War went on for years and years. The 4 leaf clover population had become a very very tiny portion of what it once was. Sensing the end of the 4 leaf clover race they decided to use a new weapon they had contructed. The 4 leaf clovers mounted into thier gliders and carried with them the ultimate weapon. The Chlorophyll bomb was dropped in the main town of Leperchaun Ville. The chlorophylll bomb killed tens of thousands of leperchauns instantly and affted every single leperchaun with chlorophyl. Every leperchaun turned green and many died. This made the leperchauns fight harder and eventually the 4 leaf clover race was wiped out. (it is rumored that there are stil a few 4 leaf clovers in the world now a days) The leperchauns won the war, but at a price. Every leperchaun was now green and their children carried this in thier blood as well. From then on every leperchaun born was green. Another long term affect was that the chlorophyll took over a big quantity of the moisture in their bodies and made the leperchauns shrink. Every leperchaun became tiny and green. Thier population dwindled and they now hide from the big folk (humans). Now Santa Claus was a leperchaun born before all this war happened. He was a big red jolly leperchaun and at the ripe age of 16 went off and sailed in a little boat with his girfriend Mrs. Claus. They landed near the North Pole and decided to begin to live there. Since Santa and his wife were the only leperchauns not living in Ireland they never heard the news of the war. When Santa was 37 he decided to go back and visit his friends and family in Ireland. He was shocked to learn of the war and how everyone was now small and green. Some of his friends and family came back to live with Santa as he promised them shelter and a secure job. Santa went back to the North Pole and felt sorry for all the leperchaun kids. He began his toy construction that year and every year since then Santa would go around the world giving away free presents to all the good little leperchaun boys and girls. (he gives presents to humans because he doesnt want them to become jealous and start a war. Santa hates Humans) Santa and his wife are the only known remaining red Leperchauns in the world.

Now this is a story that has been passed down my friends family for generations.

If this story is true then Santa is a pedofile leperchaun...
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Old 10 Dec 2005, 13:04   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Unrelated Revelations

I'm going to have to disagree. With the whole, 'He sees you when your sleeping...' bit, he sounds more like a CIA man, who is rich, and extremely generous. Going on to, 'He knows when your awake, he knows if you've been bad, or good, so be good for goodness sake.' That is starting to sound a lot more like the Government.
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Old 11 Dec 2005, 00:55   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Unrelated Revelations

YOU FOLLES!!!
There is no such thing as a SANTA CLAUS and its not the CIA, everyone know that its the flying spagehty monster that brings the gifts to people.
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Old 11 Dec 2005, 04:09   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Unrelated Revelations

What in the name of cheez-doodles is a folle? Does it have anything to do with spaghety?
Fear the folle, for it comes to eat your soul.

...

Oh, wait! It must just be that you can't spell!
Just as a tip: If you're going to call someone a fool, please spell it correctly. Even if you're joking.
Remember, every time you misspell a word, an underfed Amazon pygmy-child is torn apart by rabid chipmunks.

- Magnus the Red.
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Old 11 Dec 2005, 04:44   #9 (permalink)
Shas'La
 
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Default Re: Unrelated Revelations

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnus the Red Can't Think of Anything Funny
Remember, every time you misspell a word, an underfed Amazon pygmy-child is torn apart by rabid chipmunks.

- Magnus the Red.
I know, thats why i do it .
And maybe this will make you understand flying spagehty monsterism...
http://www.venganza.org/
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Old 11 Dec 2005, 05:02   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Unrelated Revelations

I've heard about that religion.* But what does the earth's temperature have to do with the number of pirates in the world?* I also like the sayings on their signs. "Stop global warming, become a pirate!" and "Our heaven has a beer volcano!" I think that I shall purchase one of their torso covering cloth pieces!
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