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Write A Novel, One Paragraph At A Time
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Old 18 Apr 2010, 11:49   #1 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
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Default Write A Novel, One Paragraph At A Time

Another Idea stolen from much more imaginative people than myself. So it goes.

I start out with the first paragraph, and you guys take it from there. First, some ground rules.
1. Read/skim the whole thing before posting. get a feeling for what's going on.
2. You can be as surreal and stream of conscious as you like (in fact it's encouraged), but try to keep "then a purple monkey punched him in the face and did the moonwalk" stuff to a minimum.
3. Kyzyl and the Tuva Republic are real places. The story starts there, but can move anywhere else so long as you give a reason. Look at wiki for a basic idea of the setting.
4. Internal logic: It might be insane, but ideally, it should be organized insanity.

Mecha Tengu, let's go!

It was 3 AM, and Marcellus D'Artagnan lay awake in his bed. He had lived in Kyzyl, the capital of the Tuva Republic since he was 19, but he had yet to adjust to the Time Zone, not fully. He had actually been asleep only moments before, but woke up after having a dream in which he kicked a midget policemen who was trying to throw him out of the supermarket for taking a bite out of a potato. He'd been having dreams like that ever since Natasha had left him the month before. He got up, turned on the bedside lamp, and sat down on the bed, looking at a painting of Vlad The Impaler hanging on the bedroom wall. Natasha had always hated the painting, saying that she felt uncomfortable having sex in the same room with it. She said it seemed like it was watching them, waiting to strike. Marcellus laughed a bit, then tried to get back to sleep. It wasn't long before he heard the phone ring. He waited for it to ring three times as was his habit, then got up to get the phone.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sidstyler
I just don't get the attraction, how is a vampire girl sexy? It's a monster, it wants to kill you, stop thinking about having sex with it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lord General Thunder
You just wasted 5 seconds of my life, you prick.
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Old 18 Apr 2010, 21:23   #2 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
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Default Re: Write A Novel, One Paragraph At A Time

Walking towards the phone Marcellus was suddenly sent reeling by a blow to the face. He glared angrily at the purple monkey in the corner, which grinned back at him and proceded to do the moonwalk in the most insulting manner possible. Muttering some half hearted complaint, Marcellus picked up the phone. "Marcellus here." The silence on the other end of the line was unresponsive. "Hello?" He queried. A moment later a voice spoke. As cold and dry as a crypt and as ageless as a mountain, it rasped as it hissed his name, "Marcellus D'Artagnan..." "Yes?" He asked, trying to keep the quiver of fear from his voice. The speaker was silent for a moment, as if considering some profound truth or major plot point. Marcellus waited with baited breath as the voice spoke again. "Is your refrigerator running?!"
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Old 21 Apr 2010, 08:58   #3 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
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Default Re: Write A Novel, One Paragraph At A Time

Marcellus quivered with rage, then let loose with a sarcastic tirade. "It tried to, but I beat it's bitch ass to death so it couldn't leave me for the washing machine. Me and the monkey are coming for you, so prepare to have the ruckus brought upon you Mother****er!" The voice on the other end of the line replied, it's tone now changed to that of an exasperated male Geisha. "Seriously though, It's about Natasha." Marcellus instantly cooled off to a sub-Vanilla Ice temperature. "Natasha? What about her?"" The Man-Courtesan sounding person answered. "She has the fine curves and luscious lips of a non-herpetic Brazilian callgirl, the icy intensity of a Soviet Dominatrix, enjoys watching samurai themed porn dressed as Pikachu, and she recently broke up with you because of your obsession with finding the Grave site of Hitler and Stalin's genetically engineered Lovechild, but you already knew that." Marcellus clenched and unclenched his fists once or twice, then motioned to the monkey to bring him a sterilized hypo filled with sweet cocaine(7% solution). He felt he was going to need it soon. The Meisha continued "You have a painting in your posession of our Lord, the Kaziglu bey, (you might know him better as Vlad Dracul, the impaler). We need that painting, and if it is not in our possession by 4:58AM next thursday, we will do terrible things to your ex Girlfriend. Seacrest out!" Before marcellus could answer, he hung up.
__________________
R.I.P Kangaroo Joe.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sidstyler
I just don't get the attraction, how is a vampire girl sexy? It's a monster, it wants to kill you, stop thinking about having sex with it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lord General Thunder
You just wasted 5 seconds of my life, you prick.
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Old 21 Apr 2010, 13:30   #4 (permalink)
Shas'O
 
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Default Re: Write A Novel, One Paragraph At A Time

Marcellus could care less about his ex-girlfriend, but this man had presented a challenge which Marcellus could not refuse. Marcellus would kill this man, soon, no matter the cost. The purple monkey, named Creed, returned with the cocaine, and Marcellus immediately went about using it - he worked better under such conditions. Within a few moments he had downed the entire lot and begin barking orders to Creed, the two going about gathering their special operations gear.
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Old 23 Apr 2010, 14:40   #5 (permalink)
Shas'El
 
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Default Re: Write A Novel, One Paragraph At A Time

This seemed to take forever. Marcellus felt as if three days had passed with no activity, but knew it was impossible because he had been packing, unpacking, repacking, and repeating the cycle for 4 hours in a cocaine induced flurry of activity. He often felt these temporal disconnects when he did Coke intravenously. Creed kept pulling on his sleeve. "You don't know where the **** these people are, they didn't give any instructions about where to meet them or how to contact them, what good is any of this gonna do?" Marcellus paused for a second and replied "Uh...I think I saw the caller ID, it was a number in Istanbul, I'll have to check the phonebook when we get there." "Well then.." said Creed. "Are we doing this like the job in Jakarta or are we doing it Moscow style?" Marcellus pulled a sleek bullpup style assault rifle with an underslung Auot-Shotgun, gave it a pump, and grinned like the illegitimate child of Jack Nicholson and The Cheshire Cat. "Moscow all the way Mother****er!"
__________________
R.I.P Kangaroo Joe.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sidstyler
I just don't get the attraction, how is a vampire girl sexy? It's a monster, it wants to kill you, stop thinking about having sex with it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lord General Thunder
You just wasted 5 seconds of my life, you prick.
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Old 02 May 2010, 19:03   #6 (permalink)
Shas'O
 
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Default Re: Write A Novel, One Paragraph At A Time

"MOSCOW! **** YEAH!" Creed shouted in unison with Marcellus, excitedly waving his own weapon, a beautifully crafted sniper rifle. The small, wise-cracking, violate primate had won underground acclaim for his accuracy and patience, and was a master of his trade. But for now, he was just a spider monkey making a whole lot of racket. In their excitement, Marcellus and Creed blew explosively breached their apartment door and stormed down the hallway, heading to the elevator. The elevator chimed and disgorged a middle class family into the middle of the hallway. They never saw the pair of mercenaries coming and were violently thrown aside. Rather than stopping at the elevator, the dynamic duo ran to the end of the hall and jumped out of the window, free-falling a half dozen stories before sliding into the seats of their open-topped sports car.
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Old 03 May 2010, 09:46   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Write A Novel, One Paragraph At A Time

The second they landed, the Stereo began blasting This at max volume and several jet rocket boosters ignited, sending them zooming down the street at mach 1.5. About halfway to the nearest airport, two things happened. First, Creed remembered that they had forgotten most of their luggage at home in their mad, partially cocaine induced rush. Then, just as Marcellus turned the JetRocknRollmobile around, a horde of Cyborg Steppe Horsemen appeared mounted on experimental Battle Segways. Marcellus stopped the car and switched the stereo to This. He sat there, staring into the merciless eyes of the Cyborg Horde, nonchalantly slapping the dash in time with the snare drum and occasionally air guitaring or imitating a saxophone as needed until the song faded out. He smiled a bit like the worlds most menacing Mona Lisa impersonator as Creed reached slowly to activate a hidden compartment full of auto firing Panzerfausts. "We're right here, make your move."
__________________
R.I.P Kangaroo Joe.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sidstyler
I just don't get the attraction, how is a vampire girl sexy? It's a monster, it wants to kill you, stop thinking about having sex with it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lord General Thunder
You just wasted 5 seconds of my life, you prick.
TheEmperorsJanitor is offline   Reply With Quote
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