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[batrep] Death is my mistress Eldar v.s. Tau 1250 pts
Old 02 Apr 2007, 00:54   #1 (permalink)
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Default [batrep] Death is my mistress Eldar v.s. Tau 1250 pts

while watching one of my favorite movies, based on the most awesome SF book ever. cough 42 cough, another good battle poped into my concius mind from those caverns filled with childhood depression, hatred, and Bill Cosby jokes. This was against a Tau player and employee at my old hobby shop. Here's how the battle goes.

Section one: the armies

Tau: milk and cookie
HQ: shas'o crisis w/ fusion and plasma rifles, also iridium plates and stimms
other units: (i don't know tau organization)
stingwings X5
2-3 12 man firewarrior squads, one mounted in devilfish
full squad of stealths
kroot, maxed out
Crisis w/ burstcannon, missles

Eldar: purple and proud of it
HQ: Farseer spirit stones fortune guide
Troops: guardian defs 10
guardian storm 10 w/warlock enhance
Jetbikes, w/warlock destructor
Fast attack:
2 vypers
5 warp spiders
5 Wguard warlocks field with them
Heavy support:
5 reapers (hell ya) w/ m launcher fast Exarch
falcon w/ scatter
proxy vibro cannon

House rules: map areas taken
Eldar holding bonuses:
space port: all in reserve can come in on roll of 2+
snipers alley: free 5 man ranger squad
burial grounds: any char that dies causes all units to be fearless for 1 turn
all remaining portals: never die from deep striking

Tau holdings:
Mechaninca: tanks come back
Train station: all weapons have 2X shots on roll of 4+
proccesing plant: Any one unit get's a 2+ save
5 remaining research stations: one vehicle gets up to 50 pts of free upgrades

Prep Tau:
all units take cover in and behind purple barricade and red building
fire warriors beta take sewers
barricade line around red building

Prep Eldar: surrounds blue building with razorwire and sets bombs all buildings

Turn 1: Eldar
Farseer Eratha leads her Reapers and vibro cannoneers out of the portal hidden in blue building
Hashiri leads her spiders out of the warp near Blueflag building
Warlock Quelen moves onto the board with his peers, at the head of the guardians and wraithguard

Turn 1: Tau
Shas'o coo'kie orders firewarriors beta to come out of the sewers in blueflag building setting off the trap and losing two. Kroot charge int he direction of the center building. DevFirewarriors move along (top) of board from behind red building.

Turn 2: Eldar
Eratha puts all her might into enhansing the Reapers, who mow down all but the shas'ui of FWbeta
Quelen charges twords (top) and orders the storm guardians to move ina line for the Kroot
Vehicles come onto the board and boost to their positions behind buildings

Turn 2: Tau
Kroot take up position in center building. DevFWs disembark and hole up for a round of shooting, Shas'o coo'kie moves out with the stealths and attempts to move along (bottom).
FWalpha form a 1inch apart line across the barricades around redbuilding

Turn 3: Eldar
The storm squad charges bravely into the kroots position throwing grenades and firing off flamers before puncing into close combat. Falcon and vypers form a neat V shape and scream in the direction of shas'o coo'kie, intent on getting those tasty treats without having to sit through a boring sermon. Reapers blow up the devilfish but it succesfuly rolls to come back Erath mutters "waste of a good psychic power"

Turn 3: Tau
The devilfished FWs open fire on the Wraithguard and kill two, the kroot fight close and bloody witht the guardians, but lose eight of their number while the guardians only lose two, the flamers. shas'o coo'kie is angry and leads his units to fire on the vypers shaking it, but spirit stones prevail!

Turn 4: Erath yells at the Reapers and they manage to kill the stingwings utterly, Erath enjoys a biscuit while she looks at the explosions. the Wraithguard get to the Fws shoot 3 to death and start clubbing them to death while the guardians sigh and start the dangerous trek to Red building laying down fire from their platform. the Falcon and Vypers let out a volley, killing the stealth team and causing one wound on the Shas'o, bu they hit his cookie jar! it is now that ther realise it is the stealth team who had the 2+, but they had starcannons.

Turn 4: Tau, shas'o coo'kie is angry at the loss of his bargaining treats and blows up a vyper with his weapons. The kroot are slaughtered to the man by now, only ever killing 4 guardians. the red building FWs fire on the Guardian Def squad and kill 3 "ouch" they say and they cry because the girl died. The devilfish zooms at the Guardian Defenders and tank shocks them!

Turn 5: Eldar
Erath uses her powers on the vibro cannon instead, it hits and destroys the Devilfish, the storm guardians ready themselfes at the very edge of their position, while the defenders move to regroup with the Wraithguard, now painted a pleasent light blue. the Reapers feel very under appreciated and they try to call their mother, but the blood on their guns from last tuesday thwarts their attempts. the Falcon killes off shas'o coo'kie and they pillege his body for cookies, discovering that the crisis was in fact a cookie.

Turn5: Tau the remaining Tau forces cry and run in cirlces, slowly culminating at red bulding, to hold it as a last stand. the last brave FWs shoot at the wraithguard and kill another, but Wraithguard arent crybabies. Then they start throwing their cookies at the Eldar hoping to distract them.

Turn 6: Eldar Erath trots over to the guardians in the building now called "stinks of dead kroot" and pillages their bodies for cookies, all the other eldar do the same while they get in optimal distance for attack, and the vehicles stop for a tailgating session.

Turn 6: Tau the Fws are angy and tottaly mess up the Tailgating by blowin up one of the Vypers, the occupents staring on in horror as all their cookies are over-baked. The oter Tau line themselfes up neatly fireing at random targets and causin a couple of eldar to call it quits around the time their heads exploded.

Turn 7, for fun: Eldar each and every Eldar on the field charge the Red building and slaughter the people inside, the Reapers look on with #1 fingers on their guns and trying to clean their helmet-telepathy links.

Turn 7: Tau they surrender and tell jokes to the eldar while eating cookies and accidentaly dropping the Eldar's cookies in the milk for too long.

End: the eldar pick up the Tau and use them to test what happens when they throw someone off the edge of this peculialry surrounded island.

Conclusion and notes:
the Tau player attempted a sound pincer move i used on him in an earlier battle, It just diden't work out and i was really lucky.
I was so insanely lucky with my dice rolls that i decided the only way to have fun was to pit the Guardians against the kroot, perhapse the two most under agknowledged CC units in the game, when the guardians came out on top we started talkin about how funny the Battle Report would be and only now did i remember it.

note 1) the Tau player was eager for feedback and when i saw him last week he said he had gotten better but still wanted the help.
note 2) the map based campaign was great fun and i reccomend it to anyone who feels that their gamins store is getting a bit dull.
note 3) the whole cookie thing was his joke from the beginning and we thought is was very funny.
note 4) I hope this provides a minute or two of entertainment to you guys and I cannot stress enough that the Tau player is in dire straights

For those of you reading this an hour or two after i post this i am working on the sketch up now and urge you to come back and look at it.
I bet I have more hobbies than you do.
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