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The Maelstorm campain
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Old 01 Aug 2008, 18:22   #1 (permalink)
Kroot Shaper
 
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Default The Maelstorm campain

This is the start of an attempt to make a more complete background for my commander.
I've already fluffed him out here:
http://forums.tauonline.org/index.ph...5722#msg985722
So criticism and comments please. Be warned I wrote this while I was in a very blood thirsty mood :. Anyway enjoy

P.S. keep in mind this is my first attempt at writing a proper story, please comment, I need the feedback and I will continue to post as I work on it.

The Maelstorm

A lone metal armoured humanoid shape stood alone facing an approaching blood crazed wave of creatures. Lethal stream of ions after stream of ions raked the air into the approaching swarm, punching huge holes into the mass that did not even waver before this impressive show of firepower. The sense of the inevitable death of their prey was hot in their minds as they extracted razor sharp claws from their arms, this mass of deadly claws and nasty looking teeth they were a truly fearful sight to behold. But their prey stood undaunted by this horde of monsters cascading towards him, his back to a granite cliff that towered high behind him, he continued to pommel the host of unspeakable monsters with his cyclic ion blaster, ions coursed through the air and hit with pin-point efficiency their targets, making the demons spasm horrifically as bolts of electricity coursed through their bodies causing irreparable damage and cooking their brains. But for each fallen, another swiftly took its place in this fast approaching wall of bodies and blood stained claws. The closest creatures suddenly leaped and sailed through the air to their quarry with their scythe like claws readied for the kill, their inhuman strength easily closing the huge distance between them and their prey in one bound.

Two missiles soared through the air from the already battle scarred battle suit, turning two the flying creatures into explosions of blood. At the same time the blaster of the metal being swiftly rose and fired five quick controlled bursts of ions at the monstrosities flying towards it. They began to spasm in mid air and their lifeless bodies continued to soar through the air carried by their own momentum, only to bounce ineffectively off the giant battle suit, their bodies crumpling under the impact and leaving splashes of blood on contact. The last of these dreadful creatures soared triumphantly through the air, its primitive brain glad to have survived this carnage, only to give out a gargle of surprise as the machine, in one graceful movement, picked it out of the air, its massive robotic arm closing around its head and crushing it in an explosion of gore and blood, and proceeded to whirl with inhuman strength its unresponsive body back where it came from, all the while never stopping to pound the wave of atrocities that rapidly approaching him with its blaster.

“10 meters” said EVE in her pleasant female voice.

Lynu’Ta mentally gritted his teeth in the exertion to keep the monstrous horde at bay.

“5 meters”, came the now worried voice of EVE.

He continued to batter with beam after beam of ions the repugnant mass.

“Collision immanent, do it now Lynu’Ta!”

And just as the multitudes of snarling creatures were about to engulf my vision, I made a swift jump into the air and activated my jet pack in mid-flight, propelling the metal exoskeleton over the deadly horde and safely onto a ledge that jutted out of the mountain behind me. A feeling of grim satisfaction flowed through me as I watched the miserable creatures, propelled by their own momentum, cascade into the wall of rock and, trapped between the immovable stone and force of the crowd behind them, be brutally squashed. Repressing this temporary surge of victory, I brought myself back at the task at hand, casually locking my target visor onto one of the bigger repulsive organisms below, clearly leading on the demented mass of bodies, I released a couple of my precious few missiles. They raked the air as they plummeted into the crowd beneath, detonating as they hit the creature, showering its minions in its own blood and gore.

The horde wavered. Then, as if shaking itself, it surged forward once more for the slaughter, undaunted by the loss of their leader. Then again they had so many to spare. I didn’t have time to appreciate the effects of my kill as my attention was caught by several of the terrible beasts who had already begun leaping up the stone cliff to attempt to reach me, intent I suppose on reaching their prey. I rectified the problem by pummelling them the best I could with my blaster, sending many of the creatures tumbling down to their deaths. But it was not enough. The whole throng had now begun leaping up to me; I had no choice but to flee once more. As the closest beast was about to leap for the kill, I hastily made a jump up the mountain a more few kilometres into temporary safety, leaving the eager atrocity to smash into the wall of rock where I had been but moments before. For what seemed for ever, I repeated the process until EVE’s pleasant voice calmly informed me that I could go no further. I soon found out why, I had reached the peak of the mountain.

“This is it my friend, I mentally informed her, take control of the weapons while I control the body”. EVE gave me a ping of confirmation and I began already to feel a shift of consciousness as our consciences fused together. Weapon system controls faded from my mental reach while I became more conscious of the rest of the body of the metal exoskeleton that encompassed my organic body. EVE immediately proceeded to shoot the approaching creatures once she had full control of the weapons; they plummeted to their deaths as the electricity began to burn their bodies from the inside. For a moment I allowed himself to look beyond the closing mass of bodies below and at the black landscape around, broken by only by dead trees protruding from the ground. I suddenly gaped in horror as I realised that those same black fields of dust that went on for kilometres in all directions were not only moving, but towards the mountain as well! In fact what I had taken for ground was a living carpet of creatures closing in for me, while what had appeared at first glance as trees were in fact ugly towering demons that lead waves of minions on to the kill. I snapped back to the present as one of the closest creatures gave a horrendous roar as it barrelled on towards him. Grimly EVE’s artificial intelligence and I prepared for our inevitable death as the first of the unsightly beings propelled itself at me, baring its claws menacingly and ready for the kill.

[hr]

edit: Looking back at the post I noticed a couple errors and so I have edited it a bit more .
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Old 11 Oct 2008, 11:25   #2 (permalink)
Shas'Saal
 
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Default Re: The Maelstorm campain

all up an interesting story... there where a few grammatical mistakes but i cant really talk about bad grammar.

although your transition form 3rd person to 1st person perspectives was an interesting move it came out clunky there but it did manage to smooth out

my only question is how does your commander survive to lead your forces or is he like the current colonel scaffer and lieutenant kage?

(i know scaffer isn't spelt right but i don't have the codex or novel readily on hand at the moment)
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